"Perverted Hospital" Episode 1: Code Green - Running with a Bomb. 《Creative Awards 2025 #Workplace Novel Category》

Episode 1: Code Green - Running with a Bomb.

I am a nurse working at a general hospital with nearly 10 years of experience. This is a non-fiction workplace novel about what I have experienced.

I, "Mosquito Eri," sometimes become a terrorist. I am a woman synonymous with having a weak stomach. To put it simply, I have a terrible relationship with "poop." I am carrying a hand grenade near my anus. This is a desperate and constantly critical situation.
The episode I am about to tell you is a very simple event: heading to the staff restroom.

Several times a year, hospital co-medical staff point out my lack of "punctuation." When I run out of breathing room, I just can't seem to add them.

"Oh, Eri. I want to go into rehab, but the oxygen tank is empty! I can't go to the rehab room without changing it!"

It's Kawakita-kun, the physical therapist.

"The check was sloppy I already changed it your operation method is bad a nurse is heading over now for the IV update so wait"

Kawakita-kun stands there silently, all alone.

The restroom on the 6th floor, where I finally arrived, was full. But I don't look back, and telling myself I hadn't expected it to be empty anyway, I take the stairs and dash down to the 5th floor in one go.

"Eri! Have you finished checking the records for tomorrow's audit? Go around to all the departments! If it's not done, go in and follow up!!"

The boss of the records committee, Anjo-san, speaks to me rapidly while transporting a patient on a stretcher.

"Yes understood with pleasure"

I am running through the hospital corridors at high speed. I am surely faster than any wind. By the way, why do I always want to drift when I turn a corner? My feet get tangled, tottering along.

Damn, the 5th floor is full too.
I dash down the stairs again to the 4th floor.

"Eri, I went for the pre-op visit, but Kimura-san isn't there. Let me know if you find him."

It's Saeki-san, the operating room nurse. She had come to meet the patient scheduled for surgery tomorrow to observe his condition.

"Yes with pleasure by the way Kimura-san is currently buying elastic stockings at the first-floor shop so if you go see him now you can meet him"

Saeki is nagging.

"Hey, punctuation-"

So annoying, I'm busy here. You should thank me before complaining about punctuation. Muttering that to myself, I continue on. Seeking a restroom. 6th floor, 5th floor, 4th floor, 3rd floor, 2nd floor... none of them are empty.

Finally, I arrived at the outpatient clinic on the 1st floor. The staff restroom is full. That said, I can't use the patient restroom.
Our hospital conducts regular patient surveys. There were requests asking us not to use the patient restrooms, even though there should be staff restrooms.

Over 1,000 staff members. There's no way that's enough.

However, we medical staff are dutifully trying to honor those requests, running around every day.

My anal situation is also starting to reach its limit. My anus is starting to choose to relax. Not yet, wait a second. Giving a signal to my brain, I think.

Alright, let's go to the new building.

I run through the connecting corridor to the new building like the wind. Surely, no one can see me. The scent of the new paint still hits my nose from time to time.

Oh, this might be bad. I increase my speed even more. I felt like I could reproduce the speed of light. While wiggling my crotch and butt.
A medical checkup center just opened in the new building. A recovery rehabilitation ward was also newly established there.

While jogging, my steps become lighter. I even thought I was lucky. There probably aren't many people, and above all, it's a sparkling clean restroom.

It's okay, I'm okay.

The corridor is wide, and the floors and walls are glossy and alluring. My goal is one thing. Still, for a moment, as I passed by, I glanced at the recovery ward. It's a habit now.

I make eye contact with someone wearing a white coat.

"Oh, Eri."

I've done it. It's Dr. Kokubo from gastroenterological surgery.

"I'm going to ask you now. I was thinking of going to surgery."

Yes, yes, it's a report...

It's okay.
It's okay.

4 minutes, if I have 4 minutes...
If I have that much...
I was the lead nurse today.
Everyone would be shocked that a woman running around looking for a restroom is the lead nurse, but I have the experience of my years, at least.

Reporting the patient's condition to the doctor... that is a major job.

But, not now...
It's not the time...

A notification arrived on my whisper.
"Um, it's about to come out, you know?"
My anus is throbbing.

I have no choice but to speak. 4... no, in 2 minutes, concisely, without missing anything, okay...
I slowly took a breath.

"Room 413 Hayashi-san's post-op ileus is severe there is a suture failure I'm staying on it for now to decide on treatment including irrigation after the examination blood culture is necessary I'll pick up the IV instructions once the orders and results are in Room 420 Konishi-san I'm making it possible to contact the family IC prepared in case of sudden change might not be able to assign a nurse please keep records so there are no flaws in the consent form I've reserved a conference room please give me time before the surgery three emergency admissions yesterday no instructions given rescue Q is missing Adachi-san's drain is about to come out reply to my smartphone in 5 minutes detailed questions have already been sent via email and check the bulletin board goodbye"

If there were a nurse rap battle, I would surely win. Convinced of that, I left the scene.

A state of emergency was declared from my anus.

"Eri~ add punctuation. Say it one more time~"

I hear Dr. Kokubo's voice behind my back.
Without looking back, no, unable to look back, I just opened my mouth and left these words behind as if rattling them off.

"Impossible I'm carrying a bomb"

Chief Ito from the laboratory department, who was passing by, looked at me as if shocked.

"Seriously. Isn't that a Code Green..."

Code Green means terrorism.
The gastroenterology civil war has broken out.
Ignoring even that, I started sprinting at full speed.

The restrooms in the new building were all empty.
Sorry to keep you waiting, poop.

Now I can add periods and commas.
I can add rhythm, inflection, and beats.
Mosquito Eri's rap battle. Not bad.

yoyo!!

The toilet paper dances with a rattle in time with the rhythm.


Clatter.

I was startled. A small glass door opened in the tense air.
Urine cup storage...

I looked at my crotch once.
And then, I returned my gaze.
The glass window on my side.
The glass window connected to the laboratory.
A mysterious space and the urine cup storage.
I sense someone's presence.

"Good work."

I whispered that softly, and a voice came back from the other side of the window, cutting me off: -Good work.

Excretion after relief is not a threat that shakes the world, but "peace."

────Comfort.