Toshiro of the Ke-Ke-Ke, Part 1 (3)
One day, Toshiro, who had been sent on an errand by his wife Mayumi, witnessed a shoplifting incident at the supermarket. He said something he shouldn't have, got beaten up and mugged by a rowdy young man, and ended up wetting himself. A man who looked like a creepy, laughing shadow watched the whole thing and pointed out how pathetic he was, causing Toshiro to slump his shoulders. Toshiro headed home, having no other choice. But there were many mountains he had to climb. Now, what will you do, Toshiro?
The Mysterious Man 3
(2526 characters in the main text)
After confirming from a distance that no one was in the apartment entrance, I pulled at the jeans sticking to my soaked crotch with my fingertips. While ensuring my hip joints had enough range of motion, I kept a wary eye on my surroundings and hurried to the elevator hall on tiptoe, pressing the up button. Unfortunately, the elevator wasn't on the first floor; it seemed to be coming down from a higher floor.
What if someone is inside? If we just pass each other, they won't know, right? If I bow my head and they get off first, I'll quickly turn, step in, and immediately mash the 'close' button. I'll even turn my back to them to hide my face. No, that's suspicious. It would only make an impression on them. If they stare at me, they'll notice my crotch, which is clearly soaked and discolored. This is bad.
Did the ninjas of old use the water-walking technique to infiltrate enemy castles and then go about their business while still soaking wet? It would be hard to move, and if you were dripping water all over the mansion, you'd be found out immediately, right? Do they change clothes? Do 'kunoichi' (female ninjas) change clothes too? Ke-ke-ke.
Whoa, that sounds just like the way that weird guy laughed earlier. Did I catch it? Gross!
Ding. I turned around and pretended to look at the ceiling. There's a spider web in the corner; I should probably tell the building manager about that. I felt the presence of some woman with a child getting off. Fortunately, she didn't seem to pay me any mind as she exited. This is my chance! I quickly stepped into the elevator as she stepped out. I mashed the 'close' button. Yes, infiltration successful. Now all I have to do is sneak into the main keep.
I got off the elevator, and while again using my left hand to ensure my hip joint range of motion, and worrying about the presence of neighbors I might suddenly run into, I reached my front door. The door is locked. Right, that's because Mrs. Kitajima came over. I took the key out of my pocket...
I don't have the key...
This is bad, this is really bad. I left saying something like 'Oh, I'm so scared,' so I forgot to bring the key with me.
If I ring the doorbell, Mayumi will obviously come out.
"Is that you? You went out without your key?" she'll say.
"What about the daikon radish?"
"What about the 200 yen?"
"What? Why are your jeans wet?"
"You're so pathetic... Mrs. Kitajima is here, it's embarrassing!"
That's what will happen.
What do you do, Toshiro? Think! Think! Well, I have no choice but to have her open the door. Can't be helped. I have to get into the house no matter what.
I pressed the doorbell of the end of the world.
Ding-dong. Such a lighthearted sound.
"Yes?"
Mayumi, your voice is scary.
"Um, sorry, I forgot my key."
"Oh, I'll open it."
Oh, smooth, but I've only just stood before the checkpoint. The problem is the interaction that follows.
Click, the sound of the lock opening. The door remained shut. I opened the door about 10 cm and peeked through the gap. I watched Mayumi's back as she returned to the living room.
Ah, heaven has helped me. I can hear Mayumi and Mrs. Kitajima laughing. I walked to the bedroom with the footsteps of a cat, grabbed a change of clothes, my wallet, and my key, moonwalked to the entrance, and slipped back outside. Why did I moonwalk? Probably because I was so elated by my own efficiency and luck.
Now, it's a race against time. First, I'll ride the elevator alone. The time required to get to the first floor is roughly 10 seconds; I'll change my pants and underwear in that time. The difficulty level is G, but if I take off my shoes and socks and get into the elevator with my zipper down, it's barely possible. If I'm lucky and there's no one on the first floor, that time will work in my favor. It'll be fine.
Wait, shouldn't I have just changed and left the house... Damn, it's too late now. Then I'll stop by the laundromat; I don't have time to wash them, so I'll just put them in the dryer. If they're dry, I can just put them in the laundry basket at home and no one will know.
And in those 10 minutes or so, I'll run to the supermarket and buy a daikon radish. Then I'll take the dried jeans and underwear and go home. I'll put the jeans and underwear in the laundry basket with a straight face... No, wait, if I've already changed, that's weird.
Uh, I'll go home and change back into these jeans and pants again. I can just wear the jeans I just changed into tomorrow, acting like nothing happened. I can change the pants after my bath. That's it. A perfect plan. This is the result of thinking about novel plots all the time. An extremely meticulous alibi. I wonder if I'll win a public contest this time. Ke-ke-ke. Wait, that's creepy again, damn it!
The elevator was stopped exactly where I had gotten off. I closed the door and quickly started changing. I arrived at the first floor without stopping. I didn't make it in time to zip up, but luckily, there was no one there. Everything started ticking according to my plan. I had some painful experiences, but the wind started blowing in my favor. Clutching my discarded jeans and pants under my arm, I ran, ran, ran to the laundromat, estimated to be 200 meters away in a straight line.
Arrived at the laundromat. While catching my breath, I looked for an empty dryer. Oh, there's one. I threw my youth, my youth into it. What kind of sentence is that? I'll probably delete this during the revision. Let's see, 100 yen for 10 minutes, okay, run it for 20 minutes for 200 yen, this will give me some leeway for the daikon radish.
I did it, it's exactly as I imagined. All that's left is to go buy the daikon radish at the supermarket. I have 20 minutes. I've got plenty of time.
Daikon, my love. Tonight, you'll make me hot.
Again, humming a tune, I headed to the supermarket. Since I caused such a scene, that guy shouldn't be in the store anymore, but if that old man who abandoned me is still there, I'll have to give him a piece of my mind.
I entered the store and headed for the produce section. Let's see, the daikon radish is... oh, 170 yen each. That's cheap. I'll get change from 200 yen. Mayumi will even praise me, saying, "You made a good purchase." Ke-ke-ke. Awesome!
Although I was doing a full-blown victory pose in my heart, I clenched my fist small, so that no one would notice, so that it would never be noticed.
"Oh, is that old guy from earlier finally buying a daikon? I hope you brought your wallet."
The familiar voice and the dampness of my crotch, which should have been dry, came back to me.
I will never forget my brother's face appearing over my shoulder again, along with the scent of chive dumplings.
Kekeke no Toshiro 1 Kekeke no Toshiro 11
Kekeke no Toshiro 2 Kekeke no Toshiro 12
Kekeke no Toshiro 3 Kekeke no Toshiro 13
Kekeke no Toshiro 4 Kekeke no Toshiro 14
Kekeke no Toshiro 5 Kekeke no Toshiro 15
Kekeke no Toshiro 6 Kekeke no Toshiro 16
Kekeke no Toshiro 7 Kekeke no Toshiro 17
Kekeke no Toshiro 8 Kekeke no Toshiro 18
Kekeke no Toshiro 9 Kekeke no Toshiro 19
Kekeke no Toshiro 10 Kekeke no Toshiro 20
Toshiro of Kekeke 21 Toshiro of Kekeke 31
Toshiro of Kekeke 22 Toshiro of Kekeke 32
Toshiro of Kekeke 23
Toshiro of Kekeke 24
Toshiro of Kekeke 25
Toshiro of Kekeke 26
Toshiro of Kekeke 27
Toshiro of Kekeke 28
Toshiro of Kekeke 29
Toshiro of Kekeke 30