About this note | I don't understand, so I keep observing

"Are you listening?"

I don't know how many times I have said these words.

When I call out to him, he doesn't answer right away.

Even when there is something he needs to do, he doesn't start moving easily.

He looks like he isn't listening.

When my son was small, I often felt that "I don't understand this child."

I received feedback from his nursery school about the clarity of his speech,
consulted with the health center, and it led to developmental support.

I also consulted with specialized institutions.

However, I couldn't find the answer I was looking for, and I was left feeling unconvinced.

Why does he look that way?

Why is the way he looks to others different from
the way he looks at home?

To find the answer to that, I started observing my son.

This note is a record of observing one child's growth.

I am not an education expert.

I cannot teach you the correct answer either.

What I am writing in this note is

while raising one child,

what I saw as a parent.

What I thought.

What I failed at.

Andhow I changed my thinking.

My son likes reading books.

He is also good at thinking about the feelings of characters in stories.

Even though it looks like he isn't listening,
sometimes he actually remembers things surprisingly well.

On the other hand,

it takes time for him to start his worksheets,

he gets told "you could do it if you tried,"

or he is bad at writing even though he can read.


For a long time, I

"wondered why he couldn't do it."

But now,

I have started thinking more about

"what am I overlooking?"

I am observing my son.


That is not to evaluate him.

It is not to decide what he "can" or "cannot" do.

Why does he act that way?

What am I overlooking?

I want to know that.

Why am I writing this?

Thankfully,

"How are you raising him?"
"What have you done?"

I am sometimes asked these things.

But I

do not have an answer that says if you do this, it will be fine.

Rather, there are overwhelmingly more times when things didn't go as I thought they would.

There were times I rushed him too much.

There were times I was too strict.

There were times I ended up saying, "If you don't want to do it, you don't have to."

That is why in this note,


not only what went well,

but also my hesitations and failures,

and my struggles as a parent are recorded as honestly as possible.

Also, I am writing this as a record for myself.

When I look back on this in a few years,


what did I think,

what did I overlook,

and what did I notice?

I want to leave that behind.

This observation is not over yet.

I do not want my son to
become the child of my ideals.

I just want to have a relationship where we don't have to scold or argue every single day.

For that, I want to know what my son is thinking,
and what he is stumbling over.

If possible,

I want him to think for himself,

move for himself,

and move forward with his own power.

That is what I wish for.

But reality is not that simple.

Should I call out to him?

Should I wait?

Should I give him a push?

Should I watch over him?

I am still looking for the answer to that.

That is why I continue to observe.

Even now, I do not completely understand my son.

When I look back on this article in a few years,

the day might come when I laugh and say,

"I thought that way back then."

Including that change, I intend to keep recording it in this note.

If you are struggling in the same way

• My child doesn't move as I expect.

• It looks like they aren't listening.

• I feel anxious comparing them to other children.

• I feel pained by the difference between my ideals and reality.

If you have had such experiences,

there might be common ground somewhere in this note.

I haven't found the answer yet either.

That is why I am continuing my observations today.

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If you would like, please also take a look at the trajectory of our trial and error.

◾️Worries

◾️Reading-related

◾️Learning observation

◾️Others/Daily life

📖 Observation report

“For those who want to read more deeply”
I have compiled records of observing my son for about 8 years, organized by theme.

Games, reading aloud, pretend play, manga, novels.
Looking back at events that seemed unrelated at first glance, I found one common thread.