Land of Experiments (2-b: Announcement of Results)

Chapter 2 Methods

2-b : Announcement of Results

The week after graduation, the results for the Toto University entrance exam were announced. I could have checked them online, but I didn't really want to be restless at home by myself, so I decided to go to the university to see the results. My father unusually asked, "Should I go too?" but I declined that, of course. If I happened to fail, I couldn't bear being with my father.

The results were announced at noon, but I arrived at the university a little early. It takes an hour each way by train and on foot. At first, commuting from home is fine, but I thought I'd like to board nearby eventually; my mind was already that of a Toto University student.

It has been over 200 years since the school opened. The school buildings can't exactly be called beautiful, but they have a strange charm. The Faculty of Science, which I am aiming for, is one of the oldest at Toto University, and the school building peeking through the gaps in the irregularly planted broad-leaved trees looks as if it had slipped back in time to the 1900s.
Handmade colorful signboards and road bikes that you only see as antiques nowadays are propped up against the walls of the school building, and many examinees are passing by them.

Toto University students dressed in colorful sportswear are scattered here and there. Just as a chick that has hatched from an egg thinks the first thing it sees is its parent, perhaps the new Toto University students born here today will decide on their clubs just as they are invited by the first upperclassman who speaks to them. It's kind of fun to imagine that.

As the announcement time approached, the tension around me gradually intensified. I also started to feel nervous, and while I was checking my watch repeatedly, it finally became 12 o'clock.

A crowd had formed in front of the giant monitor, comparable to a movie theater screen, installed in front of the school building. When I got close enough to see the screen, the display that read "The examinee numbers of successful applicants will be announced at 12:00" suddenly switched, and the numbers of the successful applicants were posted all at once. Seeing the numbers lined up like this, 40 successful applicants is fewer than I thought.

1123... Oh, it's there!

Although I felt confident, when I found my number among them, I couldn't move for a while due to joy and relief. After a little while, when I came to my senses, I deliberately said "Yes!" out loud and did a small fist pump.
First hurdle cleared on the way to becoming a researcher at the National Science Agency.

I called my mother and the first thing I said was, "I passed."

“That’s wonderful. Really... that’s wonderful. You worked hard. I’ll put your father on.”
In contrast to my mother, who was tearful, my father laughed, "It must have been the bento I made," taking credit for it.

That bento was, of course, a Chinese bento. On the day of the exam, the moment I sat down and took my writing utensils out of my bag, the smell of garlic wafted out, and I honestly thought I was finished. I was looked at with cold eyes by those around me, and I thought, 'What have you done to me?', but thanks to being wrapped in a scent I'm always smelling, I was able to stay calm and perform as usual—that's a secret from my father.

“No, it was my hard work.”

That was all I could say to hide my embarrassment, and since the shop was in the middle of the busy lunch hour, I hung up the phone immediately.
As I looked back at my examinee number displayed on the monitor over and over again with a grin, I could hear examinees cheering here and there around me. While listening to those voices, the realization that I had actually passed made my body tremble pleasantly.

With a 'chi-chi-chi' sound, I looked up and saw two small birds chasing each other happily on a tree branch. The wind hitting my cheeks felt pleasant.

◇◇◇

When I got home, I was surprised to find both my father and mother at home, even though it was only 3:00 PM.

When I asked, "Wait, is the shop okay?" Mom laughed and said, "We both felt so restless that we decided we just couldn't work today."

"Since we're at it, why don't we go eat something nice?" Dad said.

I realized I hadn't eaten lunch yet. I had forgotten my hunger in the joy of passing, but once I became aware of it, I suddenly felt famished.

I wonder how long it's been since we all ate out together. Come to think of it, I remembered being taken to a local sushi restaurant a long time ago. A sushi place with a counter where you don't see the plates moving on a belt. The chef would rhythmically snap his hands in front of me, and like magic, beautiful sushi would appear. It was just like watching a magic show. Every piece of sushi looked sparkling and delicious, but since I couldn't eat raw fish yet, the chef made me creative sushi using tempura and a gently sweet tamagoyaki (rolled omelet).

It was special sushi made just for me that wasn't on the menu. Watching my reaction, the chef made five different types of creative sushi for me that day. The last one that came out had tuna, corn, and lots of my favorite things on it. That was incredibly delicious.

"I'd like to go for sushi."

"Oh. We haven't been in a while. Alright, let's go."

◇◇◇

I wanted to request that "all-my-favorite-things sushi" from back then, but I was too embarrassed to actually do it. Even so, I ate plenty of delicious sushi—tuna, yellowtail, salmon roe, salmon... and my stomach and heart were full.

It's already evening, but it's still bright out.
Come to think of it, it's been a while since the three of us walked together like this.
The passersby, the stray cat sleeping on the wall, and the cherry blossoms in full bloom—it feels like everyone is congratulating me today.

My cheeks relax naturally.
Feeling light and airy, I feel like I could fly as high as I want right now.

"Let's talk for a bit."

Dad suddenly said this in front of a park. There is a bench in his line of sight. The small park only has a slide and a sandbox where I used to play often as a child. The cherry blossoms here are beautiful too, and I could see a two- or three-year-old boy and his mother playing in the sandbox.

We sit on the small bench in the order of Dad, me, and Mom.
A gentle breeze lets cherry blossom petals flutter down onto us.

"How are you feeling physically?"

Dad, sitting to my left, started to say quietly.

"I'm fine. Why?"

Whenever I talk to Dad, my words inevitably end up sounding harsh.

“Shinji, you tripped and broke a bone out of nowhere the other day, didn't you?”

“Yeah...”

“About that... There's something I haven't told you, Shinji.”

“Huh?”

The atmosphere suddenly grew heavy, and I was bewildered. Looking to my right, I saw Mom pressing her lips together tightly. A cherry blossom petal that had fallen right into my mouth, which was still open in a 'huh?' expression, felt gross, so I brushed it away with my hand.

After a moment of silence, Dad opened his mouth.

“Actually, you have a bit of an illness.”

I instinctively looked up, and Dad quickly averted his eyes, staring at the cast on my left hand. Without looking at me, he opened and closed his mouth a few times, then began to speak again as if he had made up his mind.

“It seems to be such a rare illness that it doesn't even have a name yet.”

The wrinkles between Dad's eyebrows deepened. “I've heard that symptoms start to appear as you grow older.”

Dad continued to speak, his words coming out slowly but without stopping. Mom kept her head down.

“I think your tripping was probably the first sign of it.”

Dad still didn't stop.

“And, it seems it can sometimes be fatal.”

The two characters for 'death' suddenly appeared, and at first, I didn't understand what they meant.

I must have been staring blankly with a vacant expression. Placing a hand on my shoulder, Dad said once more, 'It's an illness that might kill you.'

I snapped to and looked back at him, finally meeting his eyes. Looking into them, I immediately knew it wasn't a joke.

I'm going to die? Even though I'm this healthy?

The moisture in my mouth suddenly vanished, and a thumping sound echoed in my head as if my heart had been shoved inside it. Listening to that rhythm, I felt like I was slowly going insane.

My vision turned red, and before I knew it, something was overflowing from within me on its own.

"Wait, what is that? What do you mean I'm going to die? Why now? Today was supposed to be about celebrating that I passed, right? I was just starting to think that good things were ahead in my life. That's just how you are. You've always dismissed my experiments and my feelings, telling me to just cook and forcing your own values on me. You need to actually consider how I feel!"

I couldn't stop. Tears, drool, and all my anger toward my father poured out as I collapsed onto my back on the ground.

Like a toddler throwing a tantrum, I flailed my arms and legs and screamed until my throat felt like it would tear.

I saw a mother in the sandbox pulling her child's hand and leaving the park, looking frightened. I didn't care; I kept on screaming.

◇◇◇

When I came to, the sun had set so much that I couldn't see the expressions on my parents' faces.

My mother was covering her face with her hands, crying.
My father was sitting blankly on the bench, looking at something far away.

Once I calmed down a little, the sand on my face and arms started to bother me, so I sat up and brushed it off.

"Phew."

I exhaled the remaining breath as if to confirm that I had let it all out.
It felt like hearing the results of the exam was a distant past.
With a messy head, I tried to think about why things had turned out this way, but I didn't know.

What did he mean by I might die?

If this is the price for continuing to say I love experiments in a world like this, it's too cruel.

It looks like my father is saying something to me, but nothing is reaching my ears.

The scenery around me had lost its color before I knew it.
I was sinking deep into the ground from my feet.

Heavy, dark, and endless.


I really am alone.

>>3-a continues to