The Flame of a Japanese Candle
Synopsis
Toshi, who lives in Minamata City, Kumamoto Prefecture, has lit a Japanese candle at the family altar and talked to it every night for seventeen years since her husband passed away. When her granddaughter Misaki, who has returned home, asks her, "Aren't you lonely?" Toshi answers quietly, "I want to hear your grandfather's complaints."
Beloved Earthly Desires, Part 2: "Attachment"
It was decided that she would sit in front of the altar at eight o'clock every night.
After finishing the dinner cleanup, taking a bath, and wiping her post-bath body with a towel. Then, changing into thin cotton loungewear, she enters the Buddhist altar room. She adjusts the position of the cushion slightly and sits in a formal kneeling position. Since her knees don't last long anymore, she often relaxes one leg lately. Still, she sits. Every night.
Her fingertips remember how to light the locally made Japanese candle.
She takes out a match and strikes it against the side of the box. Even if it doesn't light on the first strike, she doesn't panic. It lights on the second. The moment the flame transfers to the candle wick, it flickers a little larger, then settles down. That way it flickers was what Toshi liked.
"You, it was hot again today, wasn't it?"
Toshi said to her husband's photograph.
The husband in the photo is laughing. It was a shot their daughter took while he was alive, of him eating a watermelon on the veranda. Because he is pursing his lips to spit out the seeds, he has a slightly funny face. That was actually better. Photos at a Buddhist altar usually have a formal look, but Toshi insisted on this photo and wouldn't budge.
It has been seventeen years since her husband passed away.
Her granddaughter Misaki returned home just before the Obon festival.
She works in Fukuoka and only shows her face two or three times a year. She seems a little more grown up each time she comes, and I feel like she gets a little more distant each time. Even so, Toshi felt as if the weight of Misaki sleeping on her lap when she was in elementary school still remained somewhere in her body.
That night, too, Toshi entered the altar room at eight o'clock as usual.
She strikes a match, lights it, and sits.
"Grandpa, Misaki is here. I won't tell you she's gained weight because you'll get angry."
She said with a chuckle. It was fun for Toshi to say such things to her husband. She thinks her husband is listening and laughing. He doesn't answer, but he is listening. For seventeen years, she has thought so.
There were footsteps in the hallway.
The sliding door opened a crack, and Misaki peeked in.
"Grandma, you were still up."
I am here at this time every night.
Misaki came in and sat down next to Toshi. For a while, the two of them watched the flame. The flame of a Japanese candle is thin and flickers easily. It sways in the air conditioning, returns to center, and sways again.
Hey, Grandma, Misaki said. Do you do this every night?
Yes.
Seventeen years?
Yes.
Misaki paused for a moment. Toshi could tell she was debating whether or not to say something.
I won't tell you to stop, Misaki said. But aren't you lonely? Being here alone every night?
Toshi thought for a moment while still looking at the flame.
I am lonely, she said.
Misaki turned to look at her.
I am lonely, Toshi continued, but I am not alone.
Misaki said nothing.
Your grandfather was a man with a sharp tongue. Every time I did something, he would complain. That the fish wasn't grilled enough, that the miso soup was too strong, or that the laundry wasn't folded right. For fifty years, it was always like that.
That... must have been hard.
It was hard, Toshi laughed. But for all that, he was the kind of person who would eat everything I served him, finishing it all like someone who had just been served their favorite meal.
Toshi continued. But now, since he died, he doesn't complain about anything anymore, does he? That, if anything, is what makes me feel lonely.
The flame flickered.
You want to hear his complaints?
“Do you want to hear my complaints?” Toshi said clearly. “It’s strange, isn’t it?”
Misaki watched the flame for a while. Then she said quietly.
“It’s not strange.”
Late that night, Toshi lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.
It wasn’t that she couldn’t sleep. It’s just that there are nights when you can’t fall asleep right away. She could sense Misaki in the next room, and that felt somehow warm.
Is attachment something unsightly, Toshi wondered.
For seventeen years, she had lit the fire every night. She wasn’t doing it because someone told her to. She had never thought of stopping, either. She just couldn’t find a reason to stop. She felt her husband was there, she felt he was listening when she spoke to him, and she felt that was how the day ended.
Even if it is unsightly, that’s fine.
Toshi decided to think of it that way.
The next morning, when she went to the kitchen, Misaki was already up.
“Good morning,” she said, and then added, “I talked to Grandpa.”
“What did you say to him?”
Misaki looked a little embarrassed. “I told him not to say I’ve gained weight.”
Toshi laughed. She laughed until her shoulders shook.
Outside the window, the Shiranui Sea was shining quietly in the morning light.
This story is a series of short stories that depict, one by one, the "beloved worldly desires" of the people living in Minamata City, Kumamoto Prefecture. Next time, we will bring you "Worldly Desires Part 3."
Thank you for reading to the end. ♡ You can click the 'Like' button even if you don’t have a note account. I would be happy if you could gently press it when you feel something like "I see" or "it reminded me of someone." If you follow me, I can notify you when the next "lost item" arrives.
Lost Perspectives
Beloved Earthly Desires Series (Part 1, 8 Episodes in Total)
The town of Minamata, the Shiranui Sea, and the "beloved earthly desires" of the people who live here.
Episode 1: "Selflessness" - A First Confession at a 100th Birthday Party
Episode 2: "Attachment" - The Flame of a Japanese Candle
Episode 3: "Regret" - The Sweetness of Soil and Thank You
Episode 4: "Jealousy" - Tea Picking and Jealousy
Episode 5: "Lingering Attachment" - An Amanatsu Orange Afternoon
Episode 6: "Arrogance" - The White Sea of Whitebait
Episode 7: "Laziness" - Morning Clam Soup
Episode 8: "Assumptions" - Sweet Spring
Links to each story can be found here.
Episode 1: "Selflessness" - A First Confession at a 100th Birthday Party
Episode 2: "Attachment" - The Flame of a Japanese Candle
Episode 3: "Regret" - The Sweetness of Soil and Thank You
Episode 4: "Jealousy" - Tea Picking and Jealousy
Episode 5: "Lingering Attachment" - An Amanatsu Orange Afternoon
Episode 6: "Arrogance" - The White Sea of Whitebait
Episode 7: "Laziness" - Morning Clam Soup
Episode 8: "Assumptions" - Sweet Spring
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