Episode 9: At 45, I Had Reached My Limit | The Day I Ended Life with My Mother

I found out that my mother was in debt again
about half a year after I started going to a marriage agency.

At that time, I was 45 years old.

I had already told my mother this:

"If you get into debt again, I will have you move out."

When I was 35, my children were with my ex-husband.
I had legal custody.
Even so, my children never returned to me.

Wanting to change my life,
I proposed living together to my mother, who was living alone.

At that time, I had no idea that my mother already had significant debt
and that she was causing trouble for our relatives.

After we started living together, I rushed to consult a lawyer.

In order to settle the large amount of debt,
I had two of my uncles lend us the money.

From then on,
I had to live while covering rent, living expenses for my mother, and repayments to my uncles.

Even though I worked in sales,
I lived a life where I couldn't even afford a mobile phone.

In my 30s, I worked recklessly to earn money.

However, approaching 45,
I couldn't bear the physical toll anymore and decided to switch to a new life.

After I made up my mind to quit my job,
I told my mother that I wanted her to think about how she spent money.

Since I would be remarrying and taking my mother with me,
I told her many times not to accumulate debt like she had before.

No matter how much I earned in sales, no money remained in my hands.

Even so, every time I discovered my mother's debt, I would scold her,
and I continued to make payments while taking on debt myself.

That debt
consisted of several months of utility bills and two invoices for luxury items.

When I decided to have my mother move out,
it wasn't because we had a fight.

I spoke to her quietly while crying.

**I can no longer handle this.**

That was all I could manage to say.

Some might think, "Even so, she is your parent, so shouldn't you take care of her until the end?"

I thought that many times myself.

It was a pity.

My mother is my mother, no matter what.

In truth, I wanted to take care of her until the end.

My mother quietly said, "I understand."

After that, I left my mother's room.

I did not look back, so as to break away from the part of me that might forgive her.

I do not know what my mother was thinking after that.

She looked as though she had a somewhat complicated expression.

Perhaps she did not think I would actually say that.

But at that moment, there was nothing more I could do.

That day, for the first time, I thought:

I am finally...

Maybe it is okay for me to live my own life, not my mother's.

Have you ever made the decision to let go of something important?

After this, I met my current husband and took a new step forward.

I am now living a life where I can finally breathe.

In the next episode,
I plan to write about that encounter and the story of paying off my debt.

■ To those reading for the first time
Click here for my self-introduction

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**Akari Yunagi Series | You can change your life at any age**

Episode 1
The me in my 20s who thought life was pitch black is here now

Episode 2
How I, who lived in a black-and-white world, handle money now

Episode 3
My new days that began by quitting

Episode 4
The day I felt the limits of living alone | When I stopped living a life of carrying everything on my shoulders

Episode 5
Until I was able to believe that "you can change your life at any age"

Episode 6
The day I entered a "life of carrying everything on my shoulders"

Episode 7
In my 40s, the day I felt the limits of living alone | The real reason I developed a "habit of trying too hard"

Episode 8
The night I thought "I can't do this anymore" | The day I let go of a life of carrying everything on my shoulders in my 40s

▶Next Article
Episode 10: At 45, the day I started my life over in a land I didn't know

I will post articles every Tuesday.

If you feel anything,
please let me know quietly.

I will continue quietly.

Again, right here.