[Failure and Reflection] A Restart on the 50th Day of Daily Note Posting

A day of reflection: 'I did it again!'

It started with a comment I received on an article the other day.
It was from the person who had been most worried about me when my X account was suspended.

Words of love from someone who always watches over me warmly.

Struck by those words that made me realize my recent overly eager attitude, I held my head in my hands and thought, 'Oh, I did it again!'

50 days of posting on Note. The flip side of 'momentum'

When people introduce me, they often say, 'Kanasawa-san is on a roll with Note.' Thankfully, the following achievements have piled up as visible results.

• About 400 followers in 50 days of Note

• Total views are approximately 25,000

• 10 out of 50 articles have over 100 likes

• 55 articles purchased so far!

On the other hand, I felt that my replies to DMs and comments, my interactions on multiple work tools like Discord, Slack, ChatWork, LINE, and Messenger, and my behavior on social media were clearly becoming sloppy.

There are things at home, too.

In addition, my X account was suspended, and honestly, I panicked.

The anxiety I had been vaguely feeling for the past few days...

'Could my free-spirited posting be hurting someone?'

It was the comment at the beginning that made me face those feelings properly.

While experiencing the kindness of many people, I am aware that I had been sending clearly disjointed replies not only to her but also to others. I am truly sorry.

In the momentum of moving forward, I had completely lost sight of myself without the leeway to stop and check.

I was the one who wrote a few days ago that 'if you want to enjoy Note, you should have leeway.' Oh, how uncool I am.

It is when you lack leeway that you are most likely to lose sight of yourself

Today marks 50 days since I started Note.
I have just kept posting every single day.

I have a certain amount of confidence in how to grow, continue, and write on Note. That is because these are all things I did when I was writing a blog on a different medium in the past, and I realized, 'This is effective!'

However, things haven't always gone smoothly.

In fact, there have been times in the past when I felt like I was on a roll, only to lose sight of myself, run out of breathing room, and end up running away.

What happened this time was exactly that.
When you lose your composure and keep bottling things up, even the smallest incident can trigger a sudden, overwhelming urge to just throw it all away...

I still lack experience

I've been hearing more and more people say, 'Kanasawa-san, you're amazing even though you only just started on Note,' and perhaps, even without meaning to, I might have gotten a bit carried away.

The other day, I asked Masahiro Miura, a web writer who manages a massive account with over 12,000 Note followers, about his journey so far. One thing he said left a lasting impression on me.

I think reading the article below will convey Miura-san's sincere personality. He has also faced many hardships as a web writer.

'There are no shortcuts to success!'
The time I spent talking with Miura-san was also a time that made me keenly realize the importance of building things up step by step.

I am different now than I was before

I am the same person who once hated myself and ran away from the things right in front of me, but I am different now. Unlike before, there are people who say they 'like' me, and there are companions who are moving forward with me.

That's not all. I also have a solid sense of progress within myself.

The exhilaration of racing along in top gear and the peace of mind of moving forward step by step in low gear.
Both exist within me right now at the same time.

Above all, I am not denying myself as I try to move forward.
That is a first in my life, and it's truly amazing!!

That said, this is my current 'level' after all

That said... it has only been 50 days since I started Note.

There are still so many things I lack.
There are times when I can't manage things with ease, and times when I'm bewildered by how to respond to the reactions I get to my posts.

It's frustrating, but I accept that this is my current 'level'.
And I want to use this as a 'beginning' to keep moving forward even more.

This is my struggle and restart on the 50th day of daily posting.

I have so much to be grateful for regarding the people around me. Please let me thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so, so much.

Feeling like you 'can't do it right' is proof that you are moving forward

If you are feeling like you 'can't do things well' or 'don't have any breathing room' right now,
that is surely 'proof that you are moving forward.' After all, you are struggling to change right now.

I am also still in the middle of my own evolution.
Let's grow together.

I will be talking about the 'behind-the-scenes' on X today from 9:00 PM!
The space on Tuesday, July 15th has ended!
Thank you so much for participating!

Goshu-san, who holds six different titles.

His life surely hasn't been all fun and games. Rather, I think he is someone who has overcome numerous hardships. That is precisely why I respect him as a 'comrade-in-arms' with whom I can explore the city of Note.

I suspect he actually has more than six titles, and I am the most excited to hear what kind of stories he will share!

In closing

If it weren't for that one comment you gave me at the beginning, I think I would probably still be 'pretending' to keep running.

Thank you so much for making me realize that.
Please continue to be friends with me.

P.S.: In your dream, when we go to USJ next time, I want to be careful not to get off the train halfway.

However, since it is an event happening in your dream, I feel like it is not something I can control just by being careful. But I will make the utmost effort.

The end.

These articles are also being read.