The Day My 'Someday' List Grew for Myself | Small Changes in Me, Raised by Toxic Parents | Happy Writing Marathon #62

'What is something you've been meaning to do for years, thinking you'll do it "someday"?'

If I were asked that,

I would surely,

I would greedily answer like that.

This is a prompt from Ken Honda's note project.

Today, I will write about this prompt,

while reflecting on the 'small changes' I am feeling right now🌱

1. I want to go to that dojo again

When I saw this prompt,

the very first thing that came to mind wasChinese martial arts.

It's what's commonly called 'Kung Fu' 😊

• The unique worldview.

• The beauty of the forms.

• The props like swords and spears.

I loved everything about it and was truly obsessed with it.

It's a bit hard to believe now, but I even entered tournaments and actually practiced live combat! 😂

The teacher,
and the friends I practiced with.

They were all truly kind and warm people.

After giving birth,
I could no longer attend the dojo,

but even now, sometimes,

I get that feeling.

It is a happy thing to have a place you remember even after many years.

2. Things I remember wanting to do every time I look in the mirror

The second one isteeth whitening.

——How many years has it been since I kept thinking,
“I’ll do it someday.”

Every time I look in the mirror,

I feel a bit disappointed 💦

When I was younger,
I wanted to value the cleanliness of my mouth,
so I went for whitening regularly.

Just having white teeth makes me feel brighter inside, doesn't it?

——But.

Since giving birth,
“time to go to the dentist just for appearance”
has become difficult to make.

While thinking that,

before I knew it, I had reached today.

3. I want to escape from my worn-out non-wire bra life

And the third one.

——This is a bit of a practical story, though.

Buying underwear that fits my body is what I mean 😂

I've been thinking about it for a long time.

…But,
my youngest still wants to breastfeed, so
wearing anything with underwire is just impossible.

My son mercilessly pulls up my clothes while I'm sleeping.
…I don't even feel like I could buy expensive underwear 😂

Of course,
I don't have the time to go and try things on slowly either.

Every time I look in the mirror,

I keep sighing like that every day.

4. What I really wanted

Writing it out like this,
I realized one thing.

What I wanted,

might not be Chinese martial arts,
teeth whitening,
or new underwear.

——Actually,

It seems that's what I'm thinking.

And,
I realized one more thing.

The current me,

I thought.

—Of course.

While my children are still small, there are many things I cannot do as I would like.
There are many things I cannot do as I would like.

So, I cannot do everything right now.

But,

Instead of that,

I found myself thinking that way naturally🌱

5. Things I could never have imagined in my past self

In the past, I was not good at spending money on myself.
I was not good at spending money on myself.

The same goes for time.

Whether I was buying something or going somewhere—
Whether I was buying something or going somewhere—

That kind of guilt was always somewhere in my heart.
That kind of guilt was always somewhere in my heart.

Therefore,

putting my own desires last was the normfor me.

But now, it is a little different.

I have come to be able to think that way.

It is not because something special happened.
It is not because something special happened.

Looking at the past little by little
and healing my heart.

I think it is the result of building up each day.

6. Perhaps 'someday' is a form of hope

While writing about today's topic,
I felt one thing.

The old me,

I couldn't even think about things like that
very well.

——But it's different now.

Since my children are still small,
I can't move as I'd like.

Even so,

'I'll do such-and-such someday.'

I am someone who truly wishes for that.

Wishes that remain in my heart
no matter how many years pass.

——That might be

When my children are a little older.

• I want to try going to the dojo again.

• I want to smile with white teeth.

• I want to choose underwear that suits me and stand a little taller.

Just imagining such a future
makes me smile somehow.

If I could speak to the me from a little while ago,

——That is what I want to convey.

And from here on out,

I want to be someone who can look forward to the future, little by little, while noticing the small changes in my heart.

I would like to continue putting those days into words and writing about them.
🌱

Related Articles

In the past,
I felt somewhat guilty even spending time or money on myself.

But deep down, that feeling was rooted in a 'mental habit' I had developed precisely because I was raised by toxic parents.

I have compiled the mindsets that allowed me to start valuing myself little by little, and the things I have practiced to build secure relationships into a single note.🌱

Currently, I am also holding a feedback solicitation project where I grow my work together with my readers.

I would be happy if you could pick it up whenever you feel the need.😊

▶ Read more

In this space,
I write little by little about how to choose a 'peaceful love life and a peaceful life' for those who are 'wishing for happiness while carrying their past.'

If today's writing
gently touched your heart,

I would be happy to see you here again.🌱
If you'd like, please take a look at my next article.

Torori

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Introducing an account I'd like to recommend

📌 Yukiyo-chan | The person who delivers the question, 'Is that really true?'

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📌Others who have supported me (please excuse me for using partial names)

Thank you all for your introductions🙇‍♀️✨️
I am truly grateful for your support🌱

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🌱Currently, the work introduced in this article is hosting a feedback solicitation project.

For those who write their thoughts in the article, I am giving a 500 yen tip as a token of my gratitude. (You can effectively read it for 480 yen.)

Furthermore, I have prepared additional gifts for those who introduce it on note or social media😊

For more details, please see the article below⏬️

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#ToxicParents
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