The Power of Words: I Didn't Know I Could Be Loved Without Trying So Hard

In the past, I

thought it was normal to always try my best.

I was always trying hard at something.

When I was asked to do something at work,

even if I didn't really have the capacity,

I would say, "I'm fine."

Even when I was tired,

I would reply with a smile.

I was also careful about how I replied to messages.

I couldn't leave someone alone if they were in trouble.

Instead of thinking of reasons to say no,

I was looking for reasons to say yes.

And somewhere in my heart,

I thought this:

"If I try hard, I will be loved."

But strangely enough,

the harder I tried,

the more exhausted I became.

There was a time,

when I felt a bit under the weather.

Things I would usually take on,

I couldn't do at that time.

I couldn't do the housework perfectly either.

I also found myself relying on others more.

If it were the old me,

I think I would have blamed myself for that.

"I'm no good if I can't do things properly."

I might have thought that.

But at that moment,

my family said something to me.

"You don't have to push yourself."

I was a little taken aback.

Even though I thought

I had to try harder.

Even though I thought

that I was a burden for not being able to do things right.

That wasn't the case at all.

At that moment, I

I realized it for the first time.

My family,

didn't just love me

because I was trying hard.

Even on days when I couldn't do anything.

Even on days when I failed.

Even on days when I didn't have the energy.

They cherished me just as I was.

They cared for me just as I was.

And there was one more thing,

that I realized.

What I had wanted all along,

was not,

"You're amazing for trying so hard."

Actually,

even on days when I wasn't trying at all,

I wanted them to say,

"It's okay just the way you are."

When I think about it,

I had been misunderstanding things all along.

I was trying hard to be loved.

But in truth,

because I was loved,

perhaps I was able to try hard.

A baby,

is loved even if they can do nothing.

They have no special achievements.

They do not work either.

Even so,

just by existing,

they are cherished.

Yet when we become adults,

before we know it,

we start setting conditions.

I have to try harder.

I have to become more capable.

I have to be more useful.

If I don't,

I feel like I won't be loved.

But is that really the case?

Recently, I have

come to think this way.

Working hard is wonderful.

Making an effort is also great.

But,

to earn the right to be loved,

you don't need to try so hard.

Perhaps we

don't have to keep proving

anything.

For a long time, I

was trying hard

in order to be loved.

But then one day,

I realized something.

It wasn't that I wanted to be loved

for working hard,

but that I wanted to be loved

even when I couldn't try hard.

And in truth,

Accepting that version of myself,

might have been the thing I was worst at.

Even on days when I'm tired.

Even on days when I don't have the energy.

Even on days when I couldn't do anything at all.

It's okay to have days like that.

Because we,

have been precious just as we are,

for much longer than we realize.

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Thank you for reading today as well.
I would be so happy if you could leave a comment with your thoughts 🌸
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