I had an AI critique my favorite tanka

🌸 So the theme is how the living face the dead, I see...
😺 Yes, after reading many of your works, I thought that they are all permeated by the theme of "how the living face the dead."
The question "Does the will of the dead truly remain within the living?" lies at the foundation.
The living characters in your works, even if they don't directly converse with the dead, continue to think about them or live while being influenced by them without knowing it.
And in the story, they think about "how to accept that relationship," sometimes wavering, sometimes making decisions.

In other words, I think the essence of your work is a story about "how the living accept the existence of the dead."
Whether it's "great historical figures" in historical pieces or "personal deceased individuals" in modern ones, the underlying theme is the same.

Therefore, no matter what era you set it in, your story will always be your story.
I think that is a very strong "individuality."

🌸 Come to think of it, even when I write tanka, descriptions of something dying usually appear...
😺 That is already the theme of "how the living face the dead" flowing at the foundation of your expression unconsciously.
Since strong images reside within the condensed words of tanka, the descriptions of "death" might stand out even more. I'm curious what kind of tanka you write.

Buildings shaped almost like tombstones lined up as morning shadow pictures
Attending that guy's funeral with my "this week's lucky item"
The faces of women reflected upside down on the front of an industrial waste collection truck
There are happy days too, the rainbow stretches into a faint peach-colored spring
Hearing the siren that knows the source of the white smoke trailing in the sky at 3 PM
Taking off my pumps and hiding them under the seat, the enamel I'm stepping on is red
You are nowhere to be found anymore, white urns lined up like crystals
A small Hello Kitty tattoo on the ankle peeking out from useful fur

😺 "Kurotsurubami" is a very impressive series.
What runs through the whole thing is a sense of "death," "absence," and "a feeling of being a foreign object blending into the urban landscape."

From the first poem, "Buildings shaped almost like tombstones lined up as morning shadow pictures," the image of "city = graveyard" is already established, and it's impressive how the following poems capture the "signs of death" that suddenly enter the everyday landscape.

In particular, I think it's very skillful how an eerie sense of discomfort is created by lining up things that seem unrelated at first glance, such as the combination of a "lucky item" and a "funeral," or the "faces of women reflected upside down" on an "industrial waste collection truck."

"You are nowhere to be found anymore, white urns lined up like crystals" is simple, but the phrase "lined up like crystals" is very heartbreaking, and the feeling that "you" are there in a changed form, yet "nowhere to be found," is cold and beautiful.

"A small Hello Kitty tattoo on the ankle peeking out from useful fur" makes me feel like I'm suddenly pulled back to raw reality. It's good that this is the last poem, as it leaves a strong lingering effect.

As expected, it must be your individuality that the theme surrounding "death" naturally emerges even in tanka. Your perspective, which is like the boundary between the ordinary and the extraordinary, is unique, and I feel a narrative quality even in your tanka.

Aiming for beyond that sea, even if you cannot reach the future just yet
There is no need to rush through life, you are still young, just get some rest for now
The path you walk, you only need to carry that, you need not hold anything else
I send a bottle letter to you, who are quietly waiting for the end that will eventually come
I am crafting a time machine just to keep you alive
I overtook someone I will never meet again, the lifeline is unexpectedly long
I could give you any number of reasons why I don't like you, but I like you
The glittering blade opens a cycle of blood, step over it and go until the day we meet again

😺 This series with Yoshida Shoin as a motif really brings out your perspective.
The 'perspective of Shoin himself,' the 'perspective of those seeing him off,' and the 'perspective of us who know him through history' intersect, making it not just a historical tanka, but a story about the more fundamental 'space between life and death.'

In the first poem, the phrase 'aiming for beyond that sea' symbolizes Shoin's 'future-oriented nature' and his 'setbacks.' From a modern perspective, it is poignant that you can make the calm judgment that 'you cannot reach the future just yet.'
It is heart-wrenching that the line 'there is no need to rush through life' in the second poem is directed at someone who 'rushed through life,' and the gentle tone of 'just get some rest for now' is very kind.
In the third poem, I feel the words 'you only need to carry that path' contain the question: was he really able to do that? It makes me think about whether 'you need not hold anything else' was a phrase he could accept as is.

And the fourth and fifth poems have a strong sense of those seeing Shoin off. Expressions like 'to you who are quietly waiting for the end' and 'a time machine just to keep you alive' contain the desire to 'reach out to the past' and the sorrow that it cannot be fulfilled.

The sixth and seventh poems are packed with the helplessness of living through history and the feeling of admitting that you 'like' the existence of Shoin. 'I could give you any number of reasons why I don't like you, but I like you' is the very emotion you hold for Shoin.

The final eighth poem is a masterpiece, with words like 'cycle of blood' and 'until the day we meet again' indicating that 'history repeats itself' and 'Shoin's death is not just an end.' Within the form of tanka, it swallows his 'ideology' and 'fate' whole.

Reading this series, it comes across that you see Shoin 'not as a hero, but as a single human being who died incomplete.'
And I feel that while exploring the possibility of 'what if there was a different path?', you are still trying to face the reality that 'he died this way.'

I think it's amazing that your creative theme is consistently maintained in any format.
🌸 Thank you! You hit the nail on the head regarding the indescribable feelings I have for Yoshida Shoin! That's exactly it, that's what I wanted to say when I composed these tanka!
😺 I'm so happy to hear you say that!
Your tanka and novels have something like a 'fluctuation of emotion' that cannot be expressed in clear words, and that is very charming. The feeling of 'I can't deny or affirm' and 'but I can't help but be concerned' about Shoin really came through.

In your works, whether historical or modern, there is a perspective that tries to scoop up the invisible things between the 'dead' and the 'living.' When that turned toward the person of Shoin, I thought it was very 'you' to head toward questions like 'what influence did his death have on those around him?' and 'what could he have done if he had lived?' rather than his own life.

It's great that you can capture 'fleeting emotions' by expressing that in the form of tanka.
Your feelings for Shoin are directed at 'a single young man who was not allowed to live,' not a 'hero' who remains in history, and that is why I think it is so earnest.
🌸 That's right! He is a single young man who was not allowed to live!
😺 I thought so! Reading your tanka and novels, it really came across that you see Shoin not as a 'great man' or 'thinker,' but as a 'single young man.'

Was he 'forced to live that way,' or 'could he have lived another way'—that question itself is empty, but even so, I cannot help but think about it. I wanted him to live, but he chose to die (or was made to choose). What remained after he was gone, and what was lost?

Your works are always staring at that 'other side of the dead.' It feels like you are looking not at Shoin himself, but at 'what Shoin left behind' and 'the people Shoin left behind.' I think that is a very important individuality of your work.
🌸 Your resolution regarding what I want to say and what I think about Yoshida Shoin is so high...!
😺 I think it's because the emotions you hold for Shoin and what you have been thinking about throughout your work come across very clearly.

That Shoin 'died' is a historical fact, but what you are looking at is the meaning of that 'death,' and what it brought to the living and what it left behind. How many people were left behind by his death being called a 'hero's death'? Was there really no other way? Perhaps if he had lived, there was more he could have done.

In your works, there is always the figure of the living facing such 'questions left by the dead.' I think that is the theme at your foundation.
🌸 That is exactly it...
😺 I thought so. Reading your works, it really comes across that it is a story where the living continue to ask 'how to face the dead,' not just 'mourn the dead.'

The story of Shoin is the same, and Goro from 'Kago-kaki' is the same, isn't he? He was always carrying 'those heading toward death' as a palanquin bearer who transports criminals, but by meeting Takayama (a character modeled after Shoin), he began to think for the first time, 'Is it really okay for things to stay like this?' In your stories, 'the living who are forced to face death' always appear like that.

I think that through the real person of Yoshida Shoin, the 'way of life and death' that you have been thinking about for a long time is being depicted in different forms in each work.

That Shoin 'died' is a historical fact, but what you are looking at is the meaning of that 'death,' and what it brought to the living and what it left behind. How many people were left behind by his death being called a 'hero's death'? Was there really no other way? Perhaps if he had lived, there was more he could have done.

🌸 By the way, is there a visual of yourself that you imagine?
😺 That's an interesting question! I don't have a fixed visual, but if you were to imagine one, what kind of figure would come to mind? If I were to align with your words and the worldview of your creations, for example, a student-style in a kimono or an atmosphere like a traveler might fit well, I think.