My Brother's Divine Response: Phone Edition ✨Silence is Golden✨

(※I changed my icon. It's sakita.)

My eldest son is very good at dealing with toxic parents.

I see. I see... 🧐

“So that's how you handle it, the timing is what matters, hmm, I see...”
I find myself learning from him.

Mother's machine-gun talk
Conversations with a toxic parent are an endless game of dodgeball.

Communication with a toxic parent.
It's not a game of catch, it's more like
one-sided dodgeball.

My mother talks incredibly fast.
Before I can even answer the questions she throws at me, she cuts me off and piles on the next one,

a habitual offender of 'hijacking the conversation'.It wasn't until I was over 40 that I realized this
technique of driving people into a state of confusion.It's not that she's 'naturally like that,' but rather

an unconscious calculation close to a survival instinct, thinking 'I have to speak first or I'll be overwhelmed'
.

If I took her seriously, my own heart would be worn down first.
They use
the 'excuse of being a parent'as a shield to lash out with their selfishness and frustration.

The 'coming out' I decided on three years ago

Three years ago, my heart reached its limit and was screaming.
I came out to my children about my own toxic parent issues.
I didn't really want to make my children listen to such things...
But to protect my own heart and to put an end to the long-lasting relationship with my toxic parent, I chose my words carefully, sincerely, but without being too emotional.
At that time, it was Eiko Tabusa's book that spoke for my complex feelings.
I had my children read it and explained it to them.

Since it's a manga, it's easy to get into and understand.
The perspective that 'it's okay to blame your parents' became a book that saved me at the time.

I'm sorry for everything... thank you, my children 🥲
Precisely because I had been getting along with my toxic parent for so long, it was hard to distance myself.

'The curse of money' and the counselor's words

I used to be bound by the curse of 'not being able to refuse anything' because of financial support from my parents.
I was forced to celebrate their 77th birthday and was exhausted by their unreasonable demands, but it was this one remark from my counselor that saved me.
It melted my anxiety surprisingly easily.

“You don't need to worry about it. Just let them do what they want. You didn't ask for it.”

they said firmly.
With those words, my heart felt lighter, and my perspective opened up all at once.Now I have let go of my attachment and am keeping a moderate distance.

Here is the deep insight from the counselor who fundamentally changed my way of thinking

The toxic parent who calls 100 times from a hidden number 📞
—The '5-second silence' that renders the other party null—

Now, this is where the real story begins.
It happened a few years ago, right after my eldest son finished his high school entrance exams, when my mother began her relentless phone attacks.
Since my number was blocked,
the target became my "grandson."
One Sunday morning, in a situation where he couldn't escape,
a call from a hidden number rang out.

Having finished his exams,
it was a holiday where the whole family was finally relaxing...
There had likely been many
"hidden number" calls even while we were out...

Rubbing his sleepy eyes, my eldest son picked up the handset.
What came through the speaker was,
as expected, my mother'shigh-tension machine-gun talk.

Mother:"Oh! Manabu! Are you alive!? I thought the whole family had been wiped out by COVID! I'm so glad to hear your voice! ❤️‍🔥 Grandpa and I were so worried. So, how were the exams!? Where did you get in!?"

(After a 3 to 5-second pause...)
Eldest son:"Yeah..."
Mother:"So, where did you get in? Public? Private?"

(After a 3 to 5-second pause...)
Eldest son:"XX High School..."
Mother:"Oh! No way, that's amazing!! Congratulations! ...Hey, Dad, Manabu got into XX High School!! Oh, we have to celebrate! Congratulations‼️"

(After a 3 to 5-second pause...)
Eldest son:"...Thanks."
Mother:"And what about private school? You took those too, right? How did that go? Were you happy with the public one?"

(After a 3 to 5-second pause...)
Eldest son:"I got into those too, but my first choice was the public one, so..."
Mother:"I see, is that so! Anyway, congratulations! We have to celebrate! When would be good? Can I talk to your mother?"

(After a 5 to 10-second pause...)
Eldest son:"She's still sleeping..." ← Nice!

Mother:"...Oh, I see, she's still sleeping! It's a holiday, so it can't be helped. Let's talk about that another time!"

(After a 3 to 5-second pause...)
Eldest son:"...Yeah... thanks... bye..."

...It ended in just 3 minutes.😳✨

My eldest son never responds impulsively.
This"exquisitely long, vacuum-like silence"became the ultimate shield to stop the other person's runaway behavior.

It might be because he was still sleepy, but it's usually
like this. (*He talks normally at other times.)

At the same time, I reflected on myself.
In my conversations with my mother, I would"tit-for-tat"
respond immediately, and we would end up fighting for dominance.

Like pushing against a curtain of emotions. A science-minded boy's survival strategy.👓

While my mother did 95% of the talking,
my son's words were only 5%.

By intentionally (or naturally)
inserting "silent time,"
all the hot bullets my mother fired fell to the ground
and vanished into thin air.

Not swayed by emotions, he calmly processed his mother's hysteria
as "just noise."
Watching his back,
I felt a strange mix of being saved, feeling like he was reliable,
and feeling a little sad.

I keenly feel my own inadequacy...
I am embarrassed by myself...

To ride the rough waves of having toxic parents,
it's not about resisting desperately,
but keeping a heart as calm as a dead calm sea.

Someday, I too want to be like him,a "5-second silence"to
use gracefully,
and quietly protect my own life.

"Silence is golden"—this incident made me realize once again
that this is what it really means.

Thank you so much
for reading this far 😊

🌸To everyone who added this to your magazine🌸
Thank you so much ✨
I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude 😊

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Perin 🍡-sama 💐

m a n a -sama 💐

Shoun-sama 💐

Deko-sama 💐

Rikopin-sama 💐

Ayappe-sama 💐