Is it really true that "you have to be a kind person"?

To you, who have always put others first.

The kinder you are,

while you are able to cherish others,

without realizing it,

you may end up putting yourself last.

If right now,

"You're so kind."

every time you are told that,

you feel a little bit of pain inside.

Today, let's try together,

"Is that really true?"

and ask yourself that question.

Before you know it, you are always prioritizing someone else

"It's okay."

"I'm fine."

"I'll do it."

In truth, you are tired.

In truth, you want to rest a little.

In truth,

"I can't do it today."

I want to say that.

And yet,

before I know it, I'm smiling and accepting it.

And when I get home,

I'm completely exhausted.

Does that ever happen to you?

Why is it painful even though people say you're kind?

People around me,

'You're so kind.'

they say.

But,

in my heart,

it's a little painful.

I can't refuse.

I can't rely on others.

I can't say no.

Even though the other person is happy,

I'm the only one getting tired.

Is that,

really true kindness?

I, too, tried to be a 'kind person'.

I also used to,

at work,

and at home,

take it for granted that I should prioritize others.

I worried about my ex-husband's mood,

prioritized my children's feelings,

and tried to meet the expectations of those around me at work.

I thought that,

was 'kindness'.

I wanted to meet expectations.

I didn't want to be a burden.

I didn't want to be disliked.

That is why,

'I'm fine.'

is what I have been saying.

But,

that 'I'm fine',

in reality,

was not fine at all.

Every time I put my own feelings on the back burner,

little by little,

my heart grew tired.

And,

those small sacrifices,

began to pile up in my heart little by little.

Even if they were so small I didn't notice them at first,

when they pile up,

they can manifest as,

a feeling of 'something feels painful.'

'Is that really true?'

One day,

I asked myself.

'Is it really true that you have to be a kind person?'

Even if it looks like kindness,

deep down,

there may be other feelings hidden there.

If,

within that kindness,

there is sacrifice.

If,

within that kindness,

there is a feeling of self-blame.

If,

'I don't want to be disliked.'

if it is a kindness born from that anxiety.

Then,

whose kindness is it really for?

What is true kindness, I wonder?

Right now,

this is what I think.

True kindness,

is not about putting yourself last.

It is about cherishing the other person.

And,

above all, cherishing yourself too.

With both of those,

perhaps it becomes kindness for the first time.

Enduring until you are in pain,

is not kindness, but

Perhaps,

it might have been a form of strictness toward yourself.

The world doesn't change. But the way you see it does.

I,

do not mean to say,

"stop being a kind person."

Compassion,

is a wonderful thing.

However,

if you only cherish others,

and leave yourself behind,

your heart will eventually grow tired.

That is why lately,

before prioritizing someone else,

I have started,

asking myself one question.

"What do I really want to do?"

Ever since I started valuing that question,

kindness,

is no longer about endurance,

It gradually changed

into something that overflows naturally.

Today's small exercise

If today,

you notice yourself trying too hard for someone else.

Just for one minute,

please try stopping.

And,

try asking yourself.

'What do I really want to do?'

That answer, too,

is your own precious feeling.

Conclusion

Perhaps,

what is causing you pain

is not that you are unkind,

'I must be a kind person.'

but rather that assumption.

Even if the world doesn't change,

just by loosening that assumption a little,

The way you relate to yourself and to others will change.

Surely, kindness is,

not about losing yourself,

but about being able to cherish both yourself and others.

It is not about one person enduring it alone,

but about creating a place for both to belong.

If today,

you could direct that kindness,

even just a little bit, toward yourself.

Even just that,

might change how you see the world a little.

So today, too,

I ask myself.

"Is that really true?"

And,

just one more thing.

"What is true kindness, anyway?"

Perhaps,

the answer,

is not in someone else's words,

Your own heart,

might already know.

🌿 Recommended reading

📖 Is it really true that "I'm no good if I'm not doing things right"?

📖 Is it really true that "I have no value"?

📖 Is it really true that "I wonder if it's okay to stay like this"?

📖 When I let go of "how things should be," the world became much more interesting.

🌿 For those who want to cherish time to reconcile with themselves

"I have to be a kind person."

When you keep thinking that,

without realizing it,

more than your own feelings,

prioritizing someone else can become the norm.

For those people,

▶︎"Returning to a Me That Doesn't Compare Myself to Others | 12 Doors to Untie the Knots in Your Heart"

is available for free.

Also,

"It's hard to sort things out on my own."

When you feel that way,

▶︎In a 90-minute phone session, we can

untangle the knots in your heart together.

There is no need to rush.

The answer

is not outside,

but within you.

Again today,

"Is that really true?"

as we ask ourselves,

let's remember our true selves🌿

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