Do you really have to be a 'good person'?

To you, who has always put your own feelings aside, thinking, 'Oh well, it's fine.'

Shall we ask ourselves again today,

'Is that really true?'

and see what happens?

'Oh well, it's fine.'

This happened shortly after I moved.

It was the day we were deciding on PTA officers at the elementary school.

The only ones who hadn't served as officers were

me, having just transferred schools,

and the wife of the officer at the nearby police box.

'Could one of you please take it on?'

That was the request made to us.

In that moment,

a brief silence hung in the air.

Having just moved there, I thought,

maybe I'll make more acquaintances.

maybe I'll learn more about the community.

I had those feelings, just a little bit.

I said,

'My child is a school refuser and also has auditory hypersensitivity, so I can barely participate in school events.'

I told them that.

Even so,

"Well, I guess it's fine."

I thought that,

"I'll do it."

and raised my hand.

But looking back now,

that "Well, I guess it's fine"

was not my true feeling.

In reality, I was not in a position to take it on.

I had just moved there.

I didn't know the area either.

My son wasn't able to go to school.

At night,

it was difficult to leave the children alone in the house with the heater on.

It snows in winter.

I didn't even have snow tires to drive on mountain roads.

Thinking about it now,

"It's difficult right now."

Even if I had told them that,

There was nothing wrong with it.

Even so, I ended up saying, "I'll do it."

I,

did not want to be a PTA officer.

I wasn't even in the PTA when I lived in Tokyo.

Even so,

"I'll do it."

I ended up saying.

I didn't want to be disliked.

Because I had just moved here,

I wanted to build good relationships with the local people.

"Someone who doesn't cooperate"

I didn't want to be thought of that way.

I didn't want to be a burden.

That's why,

rather than my own situation,

I prioritized the expectations of others.

At that time,

what I was trying to protect,

was my relationship with those around me.

However,

the one I was putting last of all

was myself.

In the end, I couldn't attend even once.

The day of the first meeting,

my younger brother collapsed,

and was taken away by ambulance.

The day of the next meeting,

there was heavy snow.

7:00 PM.

As a single parent raising children,

I couldn't leave my children home alone,

and I couldn't drive on the snowy roads.

After that,

caring for my brother,

the procedures after he passed away,

and supporting my family continued,

and I spent my days traveling to my parents' home.

I barely even had time,

to be at my own home.

As a result,

I was never able to participate in the PTA.

And,

my son,

hardly went to school either.

Is that really true?

Now I wonder.

If from the beginning,

I had said,

'It's difficult for me right now,'

would I have really been disliked?

Is that really true?

Or,

was the belief that I would be disliked,

just an assumption I had held onto for a long time?

'I have to be a good person.'

'I have to live up to expectations.'

'I must not be a burden to others.'

Were those 'obvious' things,

really my own?

What is true kindness, I wonder?

In the past, I

thought that taking everything on was kindness.

But now,

it's a little different.

Sacrificing yourself just to

try to be a "good person"

might not be true kindness after all.

When you can't do something,

"It's difficult for me right now."

Being able to say that.

When you need help,

"Please help me."

Being able to say that.

I think that, too,

is a form of kindness that is honest to both yourself and others.

The world won't change. But the way you see it will.

I am not

trying to say,

"Let's stop being good people."

Compassion is

very important.

But,

kindness that comes at the expense of putting yourself last

will eventually tire out your heart.

That is why, lately,

before taking something on,

I have started to ask myself

just once.

"What do I really want to do?"

Since I started valuing that question,

I feel that the way I interact with others

has begun to change little by little.

Today's small exercise

If right now,

"Oh well, it's fine."

while saying that,

there is something that is actually a bit painful for you,

please take just one minute

to stop and pause.

And then,

I try asking myself.

'What do I really want to do?'

That answer, too,

is your own precious feeling.

Conclusion

The me of that day,

'Oh well, I guess it's fine.'

Saying that,

I put my own feelings on the back burner.

But now,

to the me of those days,

I want to say this.

Instead of 'Oh well, I guess it's fine,'

'What do I really want to do?'

It was okay to ask that instead.

When it's too much,

it's okay to say it's too much.

When you want help,

it's okay to ask for help.

That one phrase,

might not have been words to hurt someone,

but words to cherish yourself.

So today, too,

I ask myself.

"Is that really true?"

And,

just one more thing.

"What is true kindness?"

Perhaps,

kindness,

is not about meeting someone's expectations,

but about facing the other person,

while also valuing your own feelings.

If today,

"Oh well, it's fine."

you are about to say,

please stop for just a moment.

And,

try asking yourself.

"What do I really want to do?"

That answer, too,

is your own precious feeling.

🌿 Recommended reading

📖 "I have to be a kind person." Is that really true?

📖 "I'm no good if I'm not doing things properly." Is that really true?

📖 "I have no value." Is that really true?

📖 "Is it okay to stay like this?" Is that really true?

🌿 For those who want to cherish time to reconcile with themselves

"I have to be a good person."

If you keep thinking that way,

before you know it,

you may find that prioritizing someone else's expectations

over your own feelings has become the norm.

For those people,

"Returning to a Me That Doesn't Compare Myself to Others | 12 Doors to Untie the Knots in Your Heart: 'Is That Really True?'"

is available for free.

Also,

"It's hard to sort things out on my own."

When you feel that way,

in a 90-minute phone session,

we can untangle the knots in your heart together.

There is no need to rush.

The answer

is not outside,

but within you.

Again today,

"Is that really true?"

as we ask ourselves,

let's remember who we truly are🌿

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