I was supposed to be happy about my pregnancy, but I only felt anxious [Life's Turning Point ⑥]

Summary so far

After a long-distance relationship with my husband, whom I met when I was a nursing student, we got married.
While bewildered by a reality that was a little different from my ideals, I started working to build a life with my husband.
I started working to build a life with my husband.

Click here for previous stories

It was right around then that I found out I was pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant,
along with the joy, I also felt anxiety somewhere in my heart.

The joy of becoming a mother.

But at the same time,

"What should I do about work?"
"Will we be okay financially?"

These realistic anxieties
quietly washed over me.

Even though I should have been happy,
I found myself constantly calculating things.

In early pregnancy, the morning sickness was more painful than I had imagined.

I was hit by nausea almost every day,
and I couldn't move my body the way I wanted to.

Even so, I had to go to work.
There were days I went to work while receiving an IV drip.

"Will I be able to keep working in this state?"

That thought wouldn't leave my head.

Even so, I
could not choose to take time off work.

The worse my physical condition became,
the more I thought only about my family
rather than myself.

If I ended up having to be hospitalized,
how would my husband balance work and home life?
Would the baby be okay?

Anxieties kept popping up one after another.

I really wanted to rest.
But I also felt guilty about taking a break.

"I have to be strong."

I think that thought
is what kept me going.

As I struggled with my health day after day,
my anxiety about the future grew even larger.

Can I keep working like this?
What will life be like after the baby is born?
Will our income be okay?

My pregnancy, which should have been a joy,
had somehow become a catalyst for facing
reality.

The future I had envisioned as an ideal,
and the reality that was slowly coming into view.

I think that at this time,
I was standing at a major crossroads in my
life.

Click here for the next story

Thank you for reading until the end.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt
anxiety about pregnancy and the future.

If anyone has had a similar experience,
I would be happy if you could let me know
with a like or a comment.

This experience
became the catalyst for me to rethink my way of working.
I plan to write about what happens next in my next note.