Why People with Distrust of Others and Avoidant Attachment Are Saved by Their "Oshi" | An Interpretation by an Avoidant Otaku

This is sudden, but I have an "oshi" (favorite) whom I have been supporting for many years.
My oshi occasionally appears in my articles, but today I think I'll talk about them.

※By the way, as an old-school otaku and given the community I'm in, I usually call my oshi my "jitan" (the one I support). However, since the term "oshi" is more widely understood by the general public, I've decided to use that term for this article.

The other day, while I was browsing social media aimlessly as usual, I came across a post like this.

"Deep down, people who become dependent on 'oshi-katsu' (supporting a favorite) often harbor a distrust of others."
"Because they can't trust people, they find comfort in a relationship where they won't be betrayed as long as they pay money."

I think some people might find that offensive, and it's not true for everyone who engages in oshi-katsu, but I felt like I could understand it.

Being an avoidant type, yet loving the same oshi for nearly 20 years

I am a typical avoidant type, but I actually have an oshi I have loved consistently for nearly 20 years.

Honestly, I don't even understand why it has lasted this long myself. lol

I always thought, "I'll probably stop being an otaku when I enter high school," and then, "I'll surely stop after graduating high school," "I want to stop when I become an adult," "I won't be an otaku anymore once I'm a working adult," and "There's no way I'll still be doing this by 30."

Before I knew it, this is how things turned out, and it's kind of gross that I never get tired of it myself. lol

But once you reach this point, rather than "having an oshi," a "life with an oshi" has become so much of the norm.
It's not even something as grand as a sense of security or salvation; it's just natural to love them. It's like air that I can't live without.
I mean, I've loved them for more than half my life. Of course it would become a part of my daily life.

My oshi-katsu is probably a little different from the norm... I guess.

Between us, I was in elementary school when I started liking them, and at the time, I went through a phase of being a bit of a "real-love" fan and feeling a bit uncomfortable with other fans of the same person. lol But that only lasted until middle school, and since then, any sense of pseudo-romance toward my oshi has completely vanished.

I don't particularly want to run into them, and honestly, I'm not interested in visiting filming locations or anything like that. I don't want to connect with them, and I have almost no desire to be recognized by them. I just want them to be standing on stage. I just want them to keep shining. That's really all there is to it.

My oshi has so many hobbies; they were a teenager when I started liking them, but now they're in their 40s. Their hobbies, appearance, and way of presenting themselves change constantly, so I truly never get bored. Every time, I think things like, "My oshi is doing something interesting again," or "They're into this now," and sometimes, "Hey, what is this hairstyle lol. Please stop lol."
Maybe they are the only person I never get tired of, despite me being so fickle with people.

Because my oshi has so many hobbies, I've been influenced by them a lot. My clothes, my music, my sensibilities. My oshi has shown me worlds, scenery, and experiences I could never have found on my own. Recently, they've been taking on even more new types of work, and thinking that they will continue to be a catalyst for me to encounter many different things makes me look forward to it on my own. Thank you for always showing me new worlds.

Why the avoidant type and oshi-katsu are strangely compatible

Setting aside the story of my oshi, from here on, I want to talk about what I felt most strongly after seeing that post.

It's often misunderstood, but being an avoidant type doesn't mean "I don't have love." It doesn't mean I can't like people. It's just that I'm afraid of the responsibilities and anxieties that arise when I do like someone. Accepting the other person's emotions, meeting their expectations, and facing them properly. When those things pile up, it suddenly becomes painful, and I want to distance myself.

It's not that I don't want to be loved, and I do have the desire to love. But when I'm needed, I get scared. When I'm expected to do something, I want to run away.

But with an 'oshi' (favorite idol/character), that isn't the case.

Since I can love them on my own terms, I don't have to face them directly, and I can distance myself whenever things get tough. Plus, because they never demand affection from me, the relationship never becomes a burden.

Thinking about it that way, I've come to realize that being 'avoidant but devoted to an oshi' isn't a contradiction at all—it actually makes perfect sense. For an avoidant person like me, an oshi might just be the kind of existence I can love with peace of mind.

Why the Oshi-katsu community becomes a 'safe space'

It's a given that I have an avoidant attachment style, but when I really think about it, I've noticed that many of my otaku friends are also avoidant or seem to have trust issues with men.

Of course, that's not true for everyone, but I feel like there are quite a lot of people who have been exhausted by human relationships, are a bit afraid to trust others, tend to put up walls, or prefer to keep their social circles small and deep.

The Oshi-katsu community is unique because you connect through a shared 'love' rather than through the 'person' themselves, so you can maintain relationships without being forced to get too deep, and situations where you have to show your true self completely rarely arise.

That said, I've known some of my fellow otaku for over 10 years now, and I have best friends I can tell anything to, friends who are even recognized by my family, and I have made some truly precious friends along the way.

I think you also need brakes for your passion

However, I do think Oshi-katsu has that side to it as well.

An otaku's passion can easily escalate. Wanting to get closer, wanting to be recognized, wanting to be special. I think those feelings themselves are natural once you've developed an affection for someone, but if it goes too far, you can cross the line between 'loving your oshi' and 'cornering your oshi.' Dependency and obsession are different, and obsession and stalking are also different. I think we should be firm about drawing those lines between idols and fans.

Of course, I have absolutely no desire to possess them. I just want to watch them.
I want them to keep shining forever. I want them to keep being an idol. That's how I feel.

Thank you for always being an idol

Seeing that post, I felt that the reason I've been able to love them for 20 years is perhaps because my oshi was someone I could love with peace of mind.

Thank you for letting me love you all this time. Thank you for always being an idol. Thank you for always entertaining me. Thank you for existing.

As long as my oshi continues to stand on the public stage, I'll probably keep loving them on my own terms.

※ I've written about the background of how I became avoidant in this article.

If there's anyone who happens to be an otaku for the same group, I'm waiting for your comments and follows! lol