Giving a Name to Those Feelings

You can't quite put into words why you feel 'off,' but there is a heaviness in your chest.
It feels like irritation, or perhaps like you want to cry, but it's not quite either of those...
“Why do I feel this way?”

I believe that this very 'unknowability' might be the true nature of the distress.

Feelings that don't have a name are truly difficult to bear...

I sense that hidden deep behind the single word 'pain' are many other feelings.

Anxiety about what will happen next. The guilt of being a burden to your family. All of that is compressed into the short word 'pain'.

And yet, for example, when you are finally able to say, 'Actually, I'm scared about tomorrow's test and can't sleep,' your expression softens and your heart feels a little lighter.
Even though the pain itself hasn't changed at all...

When a feeling has no clear identity, you don't know how to handle it.
Anxiety that has no visible form feels much larger than it actually is.
But when you give it a name—'This is loneliness' or 'I am feeling anxious right now'—it feels as though that emotion becomes small enough to hold in the palm of your hand.

I also think that giving it a name is a way to be able to stay with that feeling.

When you name your feelings, you don't have to be serious and call them 'anxiety' or 'anger'.
Instead, give them a funny or cute name that makes you chuckle a little.

For example...
When your chest feels heavy for no reason, call it 'Moya-tto-chan' (The Hazy One).
When you feel restless and unsettled, call it 'Sowasowa-zaemon' (The Fidgety One).
If you start feeling irritated for no reason, call it 'Punpun-boy' (The Grumpy Boy).
If your anxiety grows when night falls, call it 'Fuwa-fuwa Balloon-kun' (The Fluffy Balloon).

How about that? Saying 'my anxiety won't stop' makes your chest tighten, but thinking, 'Oh, the Fluffy Balloon has floated by again,' somehow helps you relax your shoulders just a little.

This isn't about making a joke of it.
When you make the name funny and cute, the feeling stops being an 'opposing enemy' and becomes more like a 'troublesome little guest'.
Then, strangely, you find it easier to stay by its side without bracing yourself.

Feelings have a way of lingering the more you try to chase them away.
But the moment you think, 'Well, I guess it's okay for you to be here,' your heart often feels lighter.

Once you have given it a name and your shoulders have relaxed a bit, let's gently peek at what lies beneath.

Take 'Punpun-boy,' for example. He looks strong and prickly, doesn't he? But underneath that, there is usually a much softer feeling hidden away.

The loneliness of wanting to be understood but not being understood.
The frustration of wanting to do things well but not being able to.
The pain of being exhausted but not being allowed to rest.

Punpun-boy is actually a brave little one who is doing his best on the very outside to protect those softer feelings.
That is why I want you to peek inside and ask, 'What is this little one trying to protect?'

The one inside is usually the little you, who has been hurt by the same things for a very long time.
The child who was constantly told to 'behave properly'.
The child who held back, being told 'you must not be selfish'.
That child, even now that you are an adult, still reacts with a start in the same situations.

Giving a name to something is also a way of noticing that little part of you and saying, "I see you were there."

When you give a name to your feelings, they begin to soften.

If your heart feels restless, stop for a moment and try saying this to yourself in your mind.

"Oh, here comes Mr. Fuzzy-Muzzy."
"Mr. Jittery-Jitters is quite energetic today, isn't he?"
"Little Balloon-Boy, you were feeling lonely, weren't you?"

You don't have to force yourself to be positive, and you don't have to try to chase them away. Just sit beside them and nod.

It is a strange thing, but feelings tend to act out when they are denied, and grow quiet when they are accepted.
It is like a crying child who cries even harder when scolded, but calms down when held and told, "You were sad, weren't you?"

I believe the little you inside your heart has surely been waiting all this time to be accepted in just that way.

If you encounter a hardship today that you cannot name, I would like you to give it a funny, cute name instead, and say this to it.

"It's okay for you to be there."And that is all.

I believe this is the kindest way you can take care of yourself.