The phrase 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you' is scary

When you were a child, weren't you taught things like, 'Do to others what you would have them do to you,' or 'Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself'?

I think that children just won't grasp someone else's pain as their own unless they are told things like that.

I also feel that by being told such things, the power of empathy begins to grow.

But if this mindset remains until you are an adult, something very scary happens.

Things like, 'I was happy when this was done to me, so they should be happy if I do this to them,' or 'It didn't bother me, so it probably won't bother them...'

You end up thinking that your own way of feeling is everything.

In reality, that should be overwritten by experiences where 'I tried it and they had a subtle reaction' or 'it was different from what I expected,' but if the people around you have the same values, or if you are always in the 'stronger position' and the other person just puts up with it, that becomes fixed as 'common sense'.

Look... for example, the reason we think, 'Wait, what is that?' or 'That's impossible' about foreign customs is because they are outside the values we were raised with.

For example, do you know about the Mexican festival called the 'Mega Bomber'?

It's a festival where participants slam hammers rigged with explosives onto the ground or anvils, causing them to explode one after another, and apparently, there are injuries every time. Even so, tens of thousands of people flock to it every year.

This seems to be a historic festival that has been around for over 400 years.

Did you think, 'Wait, what is that?'

But even in Japan, the 'Danjiri Festival' is quite dangerous. People die almost every year, but there is still no move to stop it. There is also the 'Hiwatari' (fire-walking) festival where people walk over burning firewood, right?

You're not really that surprised by these anymore, are you?

In this way, the 'common sense' we hold is something that takes firm root within us.

But we forget, even when we are careful, that these 'common sense' ideas differ from person to person.

When that happens, you might think, 'I wouldn't be hurt if someone said this much to me, so the other person should be fine,' or 'Everyone should be happy with this,' and end up forcing it on them...

You might even say things like, 'Aren't you strange for being hurt by something like this?'

On the other hand, I was a strange child who didn't enjoy the things others enjoyed, and disliked things that others didn't mind.

That is why when I act on the assumption that 'because I am happy, the other person must be happy too,' I usually fail.

Because of that, it has become a habit for me to do 'what others are happy with' rather than 'what I am happy with.'

In daily life, if someone seems happy when I do something for them, I try doing that for them or for others as well. When I do that, it usually goes well.

Even so, when I hear others complaining that something is painful or difficult—something that isn't so bad for me or that I have overcome relatively easily—

I sometimes reflexively think,
'That's no big deal,' or 'I've endured even more painful experiences than that.'

I sometimes reflexively think that.

Of course, I don't say it out loud, and I am actually a little disappointed in myself for thinking that way.

My mother also gave birth to me naturally, but I heard her say critical things to my younger sister (my aunt), who gave birth to her child via cesarean section.

But it's not like you can strictly choose whether or not to have a cesarean section, and in reality, there are many hardships that don't exist with natural childbirth, aren't there?

There are complications, and in subsequent pregnancies, one also carries the risk of uterine rupture.

Even though everyone has different circumstances, ways of thinking, and ways of feeling, it is scary to think that what I can do, others can do too.

But in truth, isn't it a wonderful thing to be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and think about what happened to them?

It is not a bad thing.

And yet, it is sad that we sometimes hurt people by saying things like, 'Well, if it were me, it wouldn't be a big deal.'

I imagine that those reading this have likely had similar experiences of hurting others or being hurt themselves.

After learning as children that 'what you dislike or like being done to you is...', I wish someone had taught us at some point that 'nevertheless, do not assume others are the same as you,' but that is not taught, and it is quite difficult, isn't it?

It is difficult, but I hope to keep trying, even if I am just feeling my way through it, and I hope that more people will come to think in that way.

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