For those days when you don't want to sleep because tomorrow is coming.

Good evening, everyone.

Sleep is important.
I think everyone knows this, and many of you are likely making some effort to improve your sleep environment.

But lately, have you been able to feel like you "want to sleep"?
Not "I should sleep," but "I want to sleep."
There is a slight difference between the two.

I have experienced mental illnesses like depression several times, and I still live with bipolar disorder. Basically, I need medication for the rest of my life.

I think those who have had such experiences are familiar with the feeling of "I don't want to sleep because tomorrow is coming."

You come home tired.
You had various things you wanted to do, but you end up just zoning out.
While you're zoning out, it becomes time to sleep.
When tomorrow comes, you have to go to work again.
I don't want to go.
To put off tomorrow, you stop yourself from sleeping.

It becomes 1:00 AM. It becomes 2:00 AM.
You reluctantly get into bed and close your eyes.
Not just today, but unpleasant things from the past come to mind one after another.
I don't feel sadness. I just cry.
I wish tomorrow would never come.

Just like that.

But I imagine many of you were different in the past, weren't you?

I made plans to hang out with friends tomorrow. I want tomorrow to come quickly!
The day before Christmas. I'm looking forward to the presents. I wish morning would come soon!
In a few more sleeps, it'll be summer vacation. Let's go to sleep early!

Once upon a time, sleep was like a skip button to jump to an exciting tomorrow.

When did it become a ritual to summon a tomorrow you don't want to arrive?

Since becoming an adult, plans with friends feel like tasks to be completed, thinking I have to make them go well,
Christmas feels like a source of tension, wondering if the other person will be happy with the gift I chose,
and summer vacation feels like a grace period before the drudgery called work begins again.

Every day is not something to "enjoy," but something to "get through."
Has the phrase "I wish it would end soon" become a habit for you?

I think one reason for feeling this way is that "tomorrow is just too painful."

Every time I go to work, I cry for no reason, my body feels heavy for days, and
I think to myself, "Everyone must be like this. I'm not the only one who's struggling," but being in that much pain is not a state you should just leave alone.

You might be dragging your body and managing to go to work.
But what are you losing in exchange for that?
There is a clear difference between what you "can do" and what is "okay to do."

Other people seem to be living more happily and freely.

If you are the only one suffering this much, it is possible that you are not "weak," but that your current environment is significantly unsuited to you.

It doesn't matter if other people can endure the same environment. We are all different, and there are individual differences in whether the same environment suits us or not.

For example, work.

For people who like to understand the reasoning behind their work, an environment with many orders they cannot comprehend is stressful, but for others, it is easier to follow someone else's instructions without thinking too deeply. Conversely, if such a person takes a job that requires deep thinking, that in itself becomes a source of stress.

It is not that one is 'bad' or the other is 'good'; isn't that just what aptitude is?

Setting aside the original context, 'bloom where you are planted' is a convenient phrase for employers.

A long time ago, during a new graduate job interview, I was asked, 'What would you do if you were assigned to a department other than the one you hoped for?'

I answered like this.

'I would assume that you judged that place to be a good fit for me, so I would first do my best to be useful there.'
In fact, that is what I have done.

But I hadn't thought about what would happen if I couldn't bloom there no matter how hard I tried.

Now, I want to create the place where I bloom myself, and
if I am 'about to wither in the place where I was planted,' I don't think it is a bad thing to choose the place where I bloom myself.

Even if it's not possible right away, I hope that someday you can go to a place where you can bloom vibrantly, and that a daily life where you can say 'I'm looking forward to tomorrow' will return.

For now, I am looking forward to the new Fire Emblem game coming out in September, and I find myself wishing it were September already... It's good to have small things to look forward to.

I hope that for everyone, a day will come when you can go to sleep thinking 'I want to sleep' instead of 'I have to sleep.'

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