The person who makes me forget myself when I'm with them

When I'm with someone,
I look at them before I look at myself.

"What do you want to eat?"

When asked that,
I fell silent for a moment.

What I wanted to eat,
didn't come to mind right away.

Instead, what came to mind,
were only things the other person seemed to like.

Before I knew it,
I had always been doing that.

What to eat.

What to watch.

Where to go.

Everything,
was calculated backward from the other person's answer.

I don't think that's a bad thing.

It's just that,

when I realized it,
my own answer was nowhere to be found.

A day off.

Time with no plans.

The calendar was blank,
a day where I could do anything.

And yet,
nothing came to mind since the morning.

Trying to find something I want to do,
I open my phone.

But just staring at the screen,
only time passes by.

In the past,
I must have had many things I liked.

Places I wanted to go,

things I wanted to eat,

scenery I wanted to see.

Now,
I can't remember them.

I don't think I've forgotten them.

It might just be that,

for a long time,
I haven't used them.

When I'm with someone,

I've developed a habit of reading their feelings
before my own.

It wasn't even a feeling of being considerate.

It had just become a habit.

I look in the mirror.

What is reflected there
was my usual self.

And yet,

I felt like there was something
I couldn't quite remember.

It wasn't that I was tired.

I had just,
little by little, drifted away from myself.

Before I knew it,

even though I could adapt to others,

I had lost track of

what I was feeling.

Perhaps that is what it meant

to be unable to return to oneself.

............................................................

This work is the third in the series.

1st work: The person you don't get tired of being with

2nd work: The person who makes you tired when you are with them

4th work: Today's kindness arrives after things have quieted down.

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