Self-Care #105 | Mental Protection & Recovery Series 2/8 "Assertive Communication"

In my "Self-Care" series of posts,
I am publishing articles aimed at "mental protection" and "mental recovery."

This is an eight-part series in total as follows.

1. Goal Setting

2. Assertive Communication (This time)

3. Problem Solving

4. Anger Management

5. Active Listening

6. Control Focus

7. Reframing

8. Self-Understanding

This time, as the second installment out of eight, I will write about
"Assertive Communication."

✅2. Assertive Communication

🚩What is Assertiveness?

🔎Knowing the difference from "Aggressive"

• When making a proposal to your boss,

  • "I would really like you to adopt my idea!" (Assertive)

  • vs. "Your way of doing things is wrong!" (Aggressive)

• When expressing an opinion to a friend,

  • "This is what I think, but what do you think?" (Assertive)

  • vs. "You are absolutely wrong!" (Aggressive)

• When stating your own wishes,

  • "It would be helpful if you could do this" (Assertive)

  • vs. "You should do it!" (Aggressive)

🔎 Risks of passive communication

• If you let things slide without speaking your mind in a meeting, you will feel dissatisfied with the results.

• When making plans with friends, if you only say "whatever is fine," you will regret it later.

• You cannot refuse unpleasant requests, and stress builds up.

🔎 Balancing self-assertion and consideration for others

• In a discussion, say "I have this thought, but I would also like to hear your opinion.".

• "That approach is good, but would you consider this one as well?" suggest this.

• When expressing dissatisfaction, say, "I understand your intention, but I feel a bit burdened by it."

🚩 Learning Assertive Communication

🔎 How to use "I-messages"

• Instead of "It's your fault!", say "I feel this way.".

• Instead of "Because you are slow!", say "I would like to proceed faster.".

• Instead of "Why don't you understand?", say "I would like to improve my explanation.".

🔎 How to constructively overcome conflicts of opinion

• Summarize and confirm the other person's opinion, and show understanding by saying, "So that is what you mean?"

• Take a step back and suggest, "I would like to find a compromise."

• Calmly discuss the cause of the conflict and say, "Let's think of a solution that is good for both of us."

🔎 How to choose words to express emotions calmly

• Instead of "I'm furious!", say "I am a bit confused."

• Calmly say, "It would be helpful if you could understand my feelings a little better."

• Instead of "That's completely useless," say "There might be some points that could be improved."

🚩 How to practice assertiveness

🔎 Simulating situations through role-play

• Have a friend be your practice partner and practice saying no.

• Simulate a proposal to your boss with your family.

• Recreate and practice a situation where you make a complaint at a store.

🔎 Communication practice by writing things down and organizing them

• Write down what you want to say on paper to organize your intentions.

• Write down your feelings and wishes, and think of words that allow you to communicate them calmly.

• Practice summarizing what you need to convey into a short statement.

🔎 Gain confidence by increasing your experience in self-assertion

• Ask a store clerk a question during a small shopping trip.

• Set a goal to voice one opinion during an event.

• Practice saying 'no' to gradually get into the habit of expressing your own will.

🌎 How about it?

⇩⇩ Let's check and evaluate your current state yourself! ⇩⇩

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