[High School Entrance Exams: My Son | ep12] Trying hard but not reaching the goal

Previous story

I clashed with my husband over our son's career path.

"You're being too soft."

"Isn't he just taking the easy way out?"

As I listened to those words,

I remembered how hard my son was trying.

In fact, at that time,

my son had started to change little by little, even in places I didn't see.



His exam life started with

"It's a hassle."

In the first semester, my son

was studying harder than ever before.

The midterm exams.

And the final exams.

The time he spent at his desk at home increased,

and even from my perspective, I think he really tried his best.

However,

my son isn't the only student working hard for exams.

The time he had spent avoiding study until now

could not be made up for so easily.

The results didn't improve as hoped,

and my son was visibly depressed.

"Maybe it's impossible even if I try."

I started to hear words like that, too.

Honestly,

"He worked so hard, though..."

I felt frustrated as well.

If he had gotten results here,

it might have led to his confidence.

I had those feelings, too.

But at the same time,

seeing my son facing something he might have given up on before,

I felt a sense of reliability and happiness.

At dinner.

With my daughter and the three of us,

"It's a shame, but you worked really hard."

When I said that,

my son nodded firmly,

"I'll do my best in the second semester too."

he said.

Watching him,

I remembered when he was in his first year of junior high.


Those days when even going to school was painful.

"I don't want to go."

The days I spent facing my son crying and screaming on the stairs.

I was afraid of the morning coming,

and I worried many times too.

When I remember those days,

I felt like crying a little.



Around that time,

in my interactions with his special needs teacher,

I learned something.

In the record sent by the teacher,

"He is working hard on his studies."

"He said he wanted to refuse help from his mother and try hard on his own."

it was written.


I couldn't help but read it over and over.

Because it was a side of him I didn't see at home.

Especially,

"I want to try hard on my own"

I was surprised by those words.

If it were the old him,

those words surely wouldn't have come out.

I told the teacher

that he was depressed because the test results didn't improve as much as he thought.

That even so, he had worked harder than ever before.

And that I was happy he had grown this much.

Then, in the teacher's reply,

these words were written.

If you only look at the test results,
it looks like he isn't progressing as hoped.

Sometimes I feel that way.

But,

there are people who are watching properly.

There are people who properly know

my son's hard work and his growth.

Just with that,

I felt like the tension in my shoulders eased a little.

On the other hand,

my son, who had entered the second semester,

was also becoming grumpy little by little.

He wouldn't get up in the morning.

Even when he got up, he was in a bad mood.

"Hurry up."

With such a casual remark,

we would sometimes end up arguing.

I thought it was

exam stress.

Not getting up in the morning.

Being in a bad mood.

Talking back.

Back then,

I was only looking at that side of my son.

I hadn't yet noticed

the feelings hidden behind that.

Knowing that

would be a little later.

Click here for articles about my son's school refusal