To children who think 'My life is over because I can't study' #27

Hello.
I have been supporting my husband with ADHD and my son, who has both ADHD and bipolar disorder, for 25 years.
I am a mother of two (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
My name is Hareko.

I write these notes so that I can keep smiling today.

Today, the final exams ended, and it was supposed to be a mock exam day. But my son didn't take the mock exam.

"I don't want to take it."

The reason was simple.

"I haven't studied, and it doesn't count toward my attendance days. Why should I take it and deal with the stress?"

As a parent, I do feel a bit of anxiety.
He says he wants to go to university, but will he really be okay like this?

But well... for our family, which is currently in the middle of an "attendance day securing strategy," if it's a day that doesn't count toward attendance,
it's not a top priority, is it?

My son attends a preparatory school.
In preparatory schools, there is a term called "deep-sea fish."

It is a very cruel expression.
It refers to children who were full of hope when they entered, but struggle with the high level of their peers and lose their confidence.
I'm sure my son is one of them.

Every time he takes a mock exam, he is confronted with his current standing.
Even if he tries hard, he doesn't get the results he wants.
I think he isfacing that reality every day.I recently spoke with a mother who is raising a child who refuses to go to school.

That child said,

"My life is over because I can't study."
That is what she said.
Those words have been stuck in my head ever since.

When did children start thinking that

"not being able to study = life is over"?Entrance exams.

Deviation scores.
Rankings.
Mock exams.
Of course, all of these are important.

It is also important to make an effort to achieve your dreams.
But, has it become a society where

when that effort becomes painful, you even deny your own worth?

And then, they lose the ability to have dreams.
I don't want them to fall into that kind of spiral.

I noticed something today while watching my son.

He didn't take the mock exam.
But he hasn't stopped studying.
He is still going to school.
He still has the desire to go to university.

In other words, my son'sheart doesn't seem to be broken.

Parents tend to focus on the "mock exam he didn't take."
But what we should really be looking at might bethe figure that didn't stop walking today.

Results are important.
Sometimes society only looks at results.

But for usparents, results are not the only measure of a child's worth.

Even if he doesn't reach his first-choice school.
Even if he doesn't get the results he wanted on a mock exam.
Even if his pace is slower than those around him.

It doesn't mean his life is over.
Watching my son, I was reminded of such an obvious thing.

As a parent, I want to support his dreams.

That's why I care about the results.
But there is something more important that I must not forget.

He is simplya precious existence just by being alive.

I believe that only with that foundation can a child start looking forward and walking again.

I'm no good either.
Since I'm human, I have various desires and I worry.

Lately, I've been looking at photos from when he was little.
I had my own worries back then, but I think they were cuter worries than the ones I have now.

I'd be happy if he rolled over!
If he could walk, it was amazing!
If he could talk, he was a genius!

That's what I used to think.
If he was a genius back then, my son now is a prodigious superman.

While receiving power from my son's smile back then,
I want to tell my son now:

"If you want to aim for university, let's work hard together."

But before that, something more important.

"Even if you don't get results, you are a precious existence to your mother."

I want to keep telling him that, no matter what happens.

My son says he won't take the mock exam, but he will go to school at 2 PM. The reason is that he has baseball.
And because he left his phone at school.

He is truly a mysterious, strong-minded ADHD son.

In the next note, I would like to write about my son who is afraid of getting his test results back ⇩

I would be happy if those who have time could come and read it.
Thank you for reading this far.