For those with low self-esteem: The true nature of the 'habit of self-blame' I discovered

"It's my fault again."

Every time something went wrong, that was the first thing I thought.

Got scolded by my boss. → I must have explained it poorly.

Grew distant from a colleague. → My personality probably doesn't fit in.

Job hunting isn't going well. → I guess I really have no value.

I blamed myself for everything, no matter what.

Does this sound familiar to you, too?

The 'habit of self-blame' is easier to fall into for kind people

When I was going through my eighth job change, there was something I always wondered about.

At every workplace, I would encounter unreasonable situations.

I would be subjected to words bordering on power harassment.

But strangely, before feeling anger, the feeling that "I am the one at fault" would come first.

I always wondered why that was.

One day, I came across these words in a psychology book:

"Blaming yourself is a defense mechanism to protect yourself."

At first, I didn't understand what it meant.

But as I kept reading, it gradually started to make sense.

If you think "the other person is at fault," you are struck by a sense of helplessness because there is nothing you can do.

But if you think "I am at fault," you can hold onto the hope that "I can solve this if I change next time."

In other words, blaming yourself was an unconscious act of kindness to protect your heart from a reality you couldn't control.

People who have a habit of self-blame aren't weak.

It is proof that you have been living desperately, trying to "do something about it" even while getting hurt.

That was the first time I was able to think that way.

One last thing for you

I still remember the night I lost my savings to a side-job scam, changed jobs for the eighth time, and broke up with my partner.

In a dark room, I kept blaming myself, saying, "It's all my fault."

But then I suddenly thought:

"How many years have I been blaming myself without taking a single break?"

Over 10 years. Every day. Without a break.

The moment I realized that fact, for some reason, I started to laugh.

"No, I've worked hard enough, so isn't that enough already? Haha."

I thought.

Tonight, before you go to sleep, please try this just once.

Recall one thing you blamed yourself for today, and just rephrase it like this:

"I'm no good because I couldn't do XX."
↓
"I was trying hard to do XX."

Just focus on the "fact that you tried" rather than the result.

It's okay if you can't do it well.

There are still days when I can't do it well either. Haha.

But from the moment you notice your habit of self-blame, you have already started to change.

Thank you for reading until the end.

If you felt like "I get that," I would be incredibly happy if you could press the 'like' button. Haha

Also, if there is anything you want me to write about or if you have thoughts like "What do you think about this?", I would be happy if you could let me know in the comments.

I will use them as hints for my next article.

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This "habit of self-blame" actually has a deeper story.

"Overthinking before sleep," "dwelling on someone's words," "I should have been able to do more"—I have written a series on specific ways to deal with each situation.

I especially want those who felt "I understand" in this article to read them.

👉【To you, who keeps replaying today's failures on sleepless nights】

👉【That one comment is still stuck in your head 3 days later. That is not your fault.】

👉【You think "I should have been able to do more" even though you tried your best. That is because you are serious.】

Penguin