The Pain of Not Being Able to Choose in an Age of Unlimited Choice

Why is it painful even when we are blessed?

Many adults say, "Young people today are so fortunate."

Convenience stores are lined with ingredients from all over the world, you can access the world's knowledge with just a smartphone, public safety is good, and tap water is safe to drink. That is certainly true. To a generation that knows the era of rebuilding from the ashes, where even finding food was a struggle, the worries of today's youth might seem like a luxury.

However, being blessed and not being in pain are not the same thing.

The feeling that the path has disappeared

Young people in the past faced the confinement of having few choices. Men lived this way, women lived that way; you went to a good school, joined a good company, got married, bought a house, and worked until retirement. There was a sense of suffocation in that. But at the same time, the path was visible.

It is different now. You can get a job, or you can change jobs. You can start a business, or you can be a freelancer. You can get married or not. You can have children or not. You can stay in the city or move to the countryside.

We have become free.

But freedom comes with the responsibility of choice. Being able to choose is a blessing, but having to choose is actually painful. You have to walk a path that no one tells you is the "correct answer," relying solely on your own judgment. I think this is a kind of weight that young people in the past did not experience.

The exhaustion of having no clear outlook

During the period of high economic growth, there was a shared feeling throughout society that "even if things are tough now, tomorrow will be better than today." The strength of this feeling supports people more than one might imagine.

When young people today look at the future, they see a different landscape. Will my salary go up? Will I receive a pension? Can I get married, have children, or buy a house? What will happen to my job because of AI?

This is not a matter of individual willpower. It has become difficult to envision the future of society itself. I think what young people are seeking is not luxury, but simply "a clear outlook on life."

A daily life of constant comparison

There is one decisive difference from when the baby boomer generation or the generation slightly older than them were young. Because of social media, young people are constantly shown the lives of others.

A classmate's wedding, a friend's trip abroad, the success of someone the same age, someone's beauty, someone's fulfillment. Moreover, what is visible is nothing more than an edited highlight reel. Yet, the viewer accepts it as reality. As a result, their own ordinary daily life begins to look inferior.

Comparison itself existed in the past, too. There were comparisons with neighbors, schoolmates, and relatives. But now, the objects of comparison are infinite, and they are in your pocket 24 hours a day. This quietly, but surely, wears down the heart.

The fear that failures never disappear

There is another weight unique to the modern age: the fact that failures are preserved.

In the past, something you were scolded for on the spot would end there, but now it remains digitally. Remarks are screenshotted, past posts are searched, and a single mistake spreads. That is why young people are cautious. It is not because they lack grit. It is because the cost of failure actually looks higher.

The saying "you should learn from your mistakes" is correct. However, in the world they live in, it feels as though mistakes do not end on the spot, but rather persist indefinitely. I think it is a bit harsh to dismiss the caution of young people as mere weakness without understanding this difference in perception.

Humans are naturally meant to grow into adults through practice. We are supposed to acquire social skills by making mistakes, getting into conflicts, being scolded, feeling discouraged, and gradually correcting ourselves. However, nowadays, that unfinished, practicing self is suddenly recorded, compared, and evaluated as if it were the real performance. It is like being put on a public road before you have even attached training wheels. It is only natural that it would become difficult to take on challenges.

Raised to seek the right answer, then thrown into a world without one

School education basically has right answers. Tests, deviation scores, school reports, interviews, and certifications. Young people have been trained to be measured and to guess the right answer all along.

But once you enter society, there are no right answers. There are only best-fit solutions.

This gap is larger than one might think. The reason young people want to ask "what is the right answer?" is not because they are "right-answer-ists," but because they were raised to seek right answers and then thrown into a world where none exist.

The difficulty level of being "normal" is rising

The "normal" of the past was a model of going to school, getting a job, getting married, having children, buying a house, and working until retirement. Today, reproducing this "normal" has become quite difficult. Even becoming a full-time employee does not guarantee peace of mind. Marriage is not easy. Child-rearing is heavy both financially and mentally, houses are expensive, the need to care for aging parents is coming into view, and one's own old age is a source of anxiety.

Even so, somewhere in society, the afterimage of the old "normal" still remains. A line that everyone was supposed to be able to reach has actually become difficult to reach, yet those around them still think of it as the standard. This contradiction is quietly tormenting young people.

In a word

When laid out like this, a word that describes the worries of modern youth comes into view.

Even though they are told they are free to choose, they lack the sense of security to accept the consequences of their choices.

In the past, there was less freedom, but there was a path. Now, there is freedom, but you have to build the path yourself. Moreover, the resources to build that path—the financial power of parents, educational environment, health, human relationships, and opportunities encountered in one's early career—vary greatly from person to person.

That is why young people carry the contradiction of being "free yet suffering." This is not the kind of suffering that can be solved with grit or determination.

Time performance is not a contempt for time

Viewed in this context, the criticism that "today's youth are obsessed with time performance" also looks a bit different.

Information is overflowing around young people. Videos, social media, news, job hunting information, online controversies, and trends. If they were to carefully process everything, they would lack both time and mental capacity. That is why they judge at high speed whether something is "worth using my time on." This is less about laziness and more of a defensive reaction in an era of information overload.

And beneath that lies the anxiety of "not wanting to make the wrong choice." Not wanting to join a bad company, not wanting to put in effort that won't be rewarded—it is closer to avoiding failure in life than it is to saving time.

What is interesting is that young people do not seek time performance in everything. They spend vast amounts of time without hesitation on their "oshi" (fandom activities), games, creative pursuits, travel, and time with friends. In other words, it is not that they cannot spend time. They spend it deeply on things that are meaningful to them, and do not want to spend it on things where they see no meaning. Judging them with the single word of "time performance" causes one to misread the reality.

What young people need

Looking at it this far, it becomes clear that what young people need is not just encouragement.

What is needed, first of all, is perspective. Someone to help them organize what is happening now, where they are, and what they should do next.

Next is a place where they can fail with peace of mind. If you tell them to take on challenges, you cannot expect them to do so without also providing an exit, a means of recovery, and a culture that does not blame them for failure.

And then, a way to step off the treadmill of comparison. Someone needs to hand them the message that their life is not something to be compared to the edited highlights of others.

Finally, help in finding meaning. Young people are hard to move with orders, but many can take action if they understand why they are doing something and who it helps.

Being privileged is not the same as not being in pain.

Supermarkets are lined with food from all over the world, and we can access all the world's knowledge on our smartphones. Japan is safe and easy to live in. Yet, people still struggle. Things that seem trivial to others can make one's entire life look dark.

The magnitude of a struggle is not determined by an amount that can be measured from the outside. It is determined by how much it occupies the person's world. Therefore, before we dismiss the struggles of young people as a 'disease of luxury,' we need to pause for a moment.

They have been handed the gift of freedom. But there are still not enough adults who will think together with them about how to use that freedom and how to accept the consequences of their choices.

It is not that the path has disappeared. I believe we need to build the path together from here on out.

★★★ Click here for the next episode ★★★

Writing that is close at hand