What is a friend? A relationship where you don't have to force yourself 💑 Listen to 'Seaside Town and Still Life' 🎶

Friendship is not
about staying close all the time.

It is about feeling safe enough
to be yourself.

⸻

A friend is not
someone you are always with,

but perhaps someone with whom you feel safe
knowing that 'it is okay to be yourself.'

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'What is a friend?'

In the past,
I never even thought about such things.

If we were in the same class,
saw each other every day,
and laughed together,
I felt we naturally became 'friends'.

But as we become adults,
the definition of a friend changes little by little.

Even though we meet many people,
the number of people we can truly trust
ends up decreasing.

That is surely because,
as we grow older,
we learn how to 'force ourselves'.

Reading the room.

Meeting expectations.

Acting so as not to be disliked.

Choosing words
to look like we have it all together.

Before I knew it,
I became accustomed to presenting
'someone else's version of a proper self'
before my own true feelings.

That is precisely why
someone you don't have to perform for
is special.

A distance where it is okay if you can't talk well.

A relationship where silence is not awkward.

A bond where you don't have to force yourself to be cheerful
even on days when you are feeling a bit down.

'In front of this person,
it is okay not to be perfect.'

That sense of security is what I think

a friend is.
A friend

is not necessarily someone you contact every day.
Even if you haven't met for years,

there are people with whom you can return to being natural
the moment you talk again, as if by magic.
Conversely,

there are relationships where,
even though you are always connected,
you feel a bit tense somewhere.

Perhaps people
cannot feel secure
with 'closeness' alone.

More than frequency,
more than distance,
I think 'whether you can be yourself'
is what matters most.

Also,
I don't feel that a true friend
is necessarily someone who does something special for you.
Of course,

I have memories of being helped.
I have been encouraged, too.

But,

what I remember later
is often casual moments rather than grand words.
Just the fact that they listened to me.
That they laughed beside me.

That they treated me as usual

without asking anything.

People
might be saved a little

when they feel 'understood'.
Sometimes, the heart unravels
in an atmosphere of security

rather than through logical arguments.

Besides,
with someone you can truly feel secure with,
even silence is natural.

You don't have to force yourself to liven things up.

You don't panic if the conversation stops.

Just being in the same place,
with quiet time flowing,
is somehow calming.

People surely
do not fear silence
when they feel secure.

Conversely,
in relationships where silence is painful,
you are trying hard somewhere
to 'not be disliked'.

A friend is,
perhaps, not someone you can talk to a lot,
but someone with whom you don't feel distressed even in silence.

Also, personally,
there is a moment when I think, 'This is a friend'.

That is
when I can genuinely feel happy
for the other person's happiness.

Instead of feeling down by comparing myself,
I can naturally think, 'I'm glad for you'.

That is
not as easy as it sounds.

Because people are creatures
that inevitably compare themselves.

With that friend,
there is not much winning or losing.

When that person is smiling,
I am also a little happy.

Perhaps that is
because I value their 'existence'
rather than their 'evaluation'.

If you look at it from another perspective,
you could say that relationships where you can challenge each other
are also friendships.

As human relationships increase,
there are times when true friends feel scarce.

But,
that is not a lonely thing.

In the end,
if you have met a few people in your life
whom you can think, 'I'm okay in front of this person,'
I think that is a very happy thing.

...What is a friend?

I still
haven't found words that satisfy me.

I
want to call relationships connected by 'security'
rather than 'interest' friends.

✍️ To you, the reader 💌

Thank you
for reading this far.

The definition of a friend
is probably as varied as the number of people.

If,
within you,
there is someone you can think, 'I'm not forcing myself in front of this person,'
then that alone
might already be enough to call them a 'friend'.

And, right now,
even if such a person doesn't immediately come to mind.

In the life that lies ahead,
the possibility of meeting someone you can feel that way about
is infinite.

What is a friend?

The answer to that
will surely continue to change from here on out.

But I think the feeling of
“wanting to have a relationship where I can feel at ease” will never change.

Thank you for reading this far.

What inspired me to write this article was
this article by "Sasasa🌿-san"♪

I, too, have struggled with the distance in friendships,
and mainly in human relationships,
and have faded out or
reset them,
following the principle of "leaving no trace behind."

The cause of that
can be said to be my own lack of boundaries 😿

Thank you very much
for such a relatable article ♪

🎧 Today's Recommendation 🎶

"Seaside Town and Still Life"

haruka nakamura

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