Being single means being both a dad and a mom.

When I lived with my wife, sometimes she would make our meals at home.

Sometimes one of us would buy something on the way home from work.

I almost never cooked myself.

It wasn't that I disliked cooking.

It's just that I wasn't good at it, and I didn't really have the initiative to do it.

If it were just me, I could just get by with whatever.

If I got hungry, I could just buy something.

That's about as much as I thought about it.

So, when I became a single parent and started living with my daughter, I was a bit at a loss.

"What should I do about meals?"

My daughter is still small.

It doesn't matter what I eat, but I want my daughter to eat properly.

What did we eat yesterday?

What should I feed her today?

What about tomorrow?

I started thinking about things I hadn't really thought about before.

And so, I started cooking little by little.

—

That said, it's not like I've come to love cooking.

Honestly, I'm still not good at it.

I finish work and go pick her up at daycare.

When we get home, there's time to spend with my daughter.

I have to cook, feed her, and clean up.

After that, there's bath time.

I have to dry her hair, too.

We play a little before bed, and there's laundry and tidying up to do as well.

Trying to do everything perfectly every day is quite tough.

So, at some point, I started thinking, "I don't have to do everything myself."

If there's something I can't do, I should get help from things that can.

Just as I can rely on people, I can rely on tools.

That way, I can actually have more time with my daughter.

That's how I started thinking.

At our house, the COSORI air fryer has been a huge help with that mindset.

Put the ingredients in, set it, and leave the rest to it.

For someone like me who isn't good at cooking, this is a real blessing.

Just because I use it doesn't mean I've become a better cook.

Even so, when I think, "I have to make something today," it lowers the hurdle just a little bit.

It makes me feel like I can make something for my daughter.

That alone is a big deal for me.

I started cooking after I became a single parent.

But that's not because I became good at it.

It's because I started looking for ways I could manage in order to live with my daughter.

—

Living like this, there are times when I think about things.

I think I had a fair amount of the image that "cooking is something mothers do" inside me before.

Of course, there's no such rule.

There are families where the father cooks, and families where the mother doesn't.

Every family has its own way of doing things.

Even so, because of the environment I grew up in and the family structures I've seen, I had that image in my mind somehow.

So, at first, it felt a little strange.

The fact that I was thinking about my daughter's meals.

The fact that I was opening the fridge and thinking, "What should I make today?"

The fact that I was cooking while worrying about whether my daughter would eat it.

But after repeating it over and over, it became normal before I knew it.

My daughter is hungry.

So, I prepare a meal.

That's all there is to it.

"Is this a dad's job?"

"Is this a mom's job?"

Before I even think about things like that, I just do it.

—

It's not just about cooking.

I wake my daughter up in the morning.

I get her ready for daycare.

When we get back, I give her a bath.

If her hair is wet, I dry it.

If she looks sleepy, I put her to bed.

If she's crying, I hug her.

If she does something wrong, I scold her.

When you're living with your daughter, you don't have the luxury of splitting things into "dad's jobs" and "mom's jobs."

If something needs to be done, I do it.

As I repeated that every day, the boundaries gradually disappeared.

When I dry my daughter's hair, I'm also helped by my ReFa hair dryer.

When you change the mode, it doesn't get too hot even when held close to the hair, so it's easy to use when drying my daughter's hair.

Since I'm using it on my daughter, whose hair is still fine, I want to make sure it doesn't get too hot.

Since it's an everyday thing, I'm helped by tools in these ways too.

Cooking is COSORI.

Drying hair is ReFa.

Besides that, I also get help from people around me.

I'm not carrying everything on my own.

Actually, perhaps it's because I'm on my own that I've stopped trying to manage everything by myself.

—

Since becoming a single father, the things I can do as a father have increased.

I'm sure of that.

But I don't think the biggest change in me is that I can do more things.

I think it's that the small assumption I had inside me—that "this is something a mother does"—has gradually disappeared.

Even when I'm cooking, I don't think, "I'm a dad, but I'm cooking."

Even when I'm drying my daughter's hair, I don't think, "I'm a dad, but I'm doing this."

I'm doing it because my daughter is here and it's necessary.

That's all.

Of course, I don't want to deny the division of roles between father and mother.

I think it's fine for it to be different depending on the family.

It's just that in my life with my daughter, I've started thinking about "what is needed now" before thinking about "who should do it."

That might be what has changed in me since becoming single.

I can't do everything by myself.

I'm still not good at cooking, even now.

That's why I rely on tools.

If I'm tired, I don't push myself.

I also rely on the people around me.

While getting help like that, I still do what's necessary for my daughter, one thing at a time.

I think that's fine.

—

Today, I'll eat with my daughter again.

When we're done, we'll take a bath.

After the bath, I'll dry her hair.

After that, we'll play a little, and when she gets sleepy, she'll go to bed.

When tomorrow morning comes, I'll wake her up again.

I repeat things like that every day.

There's nothing special about it.

But by continuing this kind of life, I've started to see a slightly different view than before.

"This is what a dad does."

"This is what a mom does."

Maybe there's no longer much need to draw those lines.

If there's something my daughter needs, I'll do it.

If there's something I can't do, I'll get help from someone or something.

Today, I'm living with my daughter just like that.

I think that's probably what "being both a dad and a mom" means to me right now.

—

Thank you for reading until the end.

In this note, I put into words the things I've felt through parenting as a single father and through my work in human resources.

If you think you'd like to read more, I'd be happy if you followed me.

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