What a coincidence, Kohan-san.
"What's that glowing thing over there?"
I knew. I was already an adult, after all.
But since my father was also in the car, I kept quiet.
"What is it?"
My mother asked again.
"It's a motel."
My father said, just that one word.
"Hmm, I see."
I watched the scenery go by, feeling a mix of stifled laughter, nervousness, and emotions I couldn't quite name.
Bungu-san, that's what my family is like.
I received a heartfelt letter from Kohan-san.
And this was written at the beginning of it.
Kohan-san.
What a coincidence.
Something similar happens in my family too.
There are actually two motels in my neighborhood.
Why? Well, originally, there were motels built in the middle of nowhere in the countryside. Then, residential development started popping up houses all around them, and now it's become a bit chaotic, with two motels in a residential area.
What's more, one of them has a huge banner hanging down that says "Open-Air Bath."
I've never used it, so I don't know where in the motel this open-air bath is, but apparently, it's somewhere.
And, when I was driving with my usual, overly serious, and wonderfully strange mother, she said,
"Oh, is there an open-air bath? Is this a hot spring?"
I replied without a hint of shame,
"No, it's a love hotel."
"A love hotel? Oh, I see. That's impressive, isn't it?"
My mother said, sounding impressed, though I'm not sure why.
Kohan-san, that's what my family is like.
I wonder why.
Kohan-san's story had such elegance, but mine feels a bit vulgar. It's strange.
The article by Yamamoto Janai-san that Kohan-san mentioned was how she came to know me.
When I wrote it, I never imagined it would be read by so many people.
Or rather, I wrote it entirely for Janai-san.
Many of my articles are like that; I write them while picturing the person I want to send them to, as if I were writing a letter. I write while thinking, "Reach them." It's a super-focused target.
But when I opened the lid, I found that I was getting reactions from people other than the intended target.
It's very interesting.
Writing for a large audience might require being careful about this and that, and the words might become vague to reach more people, making them harder to actually land.
I sometimes think that words filled with a grudge-like intensity, saying "I'm talking to you!", might actually pierce someone's heart more broadly.
And the reason I can do something so insane is that I don't particularly want to be read by a wide audience.
I don't want to be recognized by anyone, nor do I want to become a writer.
I have the feeling of, "If it reaches them, great; if not, that's fine too."
Perhaps this lack of desire, or this sense of resignation, seeps into my writing here and there.
I feel that Kohan-san's sensitivity in catching that immediately is sharp.
It doesn't just end with, "That was interesting."
You really feel that, Kohan-san.
That's how it feels.
If you ask why I write things that don't matter if they reach someone or not, it's because I feel like there's someone out there having a day so tough they can't even laugh.
It's my delusion that if such a person accidentally reads what I've written, they might accidentally laugh.
But, truly, that happens on rare occasions.
When I go to check out the people who liked my posts, I sometimes find they are struggling on their own.
When I think that they read it and laughed even while they were suffering, I am truly happy.
If you could laugh for even a moment, you'll be okay. Your emotions aren't dead. That's what I think.
I sometimes read other people's articles, leave a like, and comment. I also say things like, "If you don't like the noise, I can go into silent mode."
Even if I reach out like that, in reality, I can't do anything. I'm watching. I'm here. I'm reading your articles. That's all I can say.
And when you come back to read my articles again, the most I can do is roll up my sleeves and say, "I'll make you laugh."
Within note, there are glamorous connections with people like Hakko-san, Janai-san, and many others, but there are also such quiet connections.
There are people who write because they want to be recognized, and there are people who stoically pursue their own creation. There are people who don't care about anyone else and just enjoy writing for themselves, and there are people who are lost and searching for themselves.
I think everyone is interesting and precious.
And although I've continued to increase my follows as my interests led me, and I can no longer keep up with everyone, I feel the warmth of being connected loosely and happily.
By coming into contact with Bungu-san's articles and comments, I've started to think that maybe I can open up a little bit, having been closed off inside.
Those words from Kohan-san made me very happy.
Being alone is comfortable.
You won't get hurt, and you won't hurt anyone.
I think that for someone with such sharp sensitivity as Kohan-san, even trivial things might be twice as exhausting as they are for others.
Even so, I believe that sensitive and rich sensibility is what always creates wonderful works.
Kohan-san, who doesn't force things into words but sublimates what she feels—anxieties and sorrows alike—into her work just as it is, is very cool.
I think you are a delicate, yet strong person.
This has become long.
My stories are usually long.
My children dislike it.
Lastly,
Recently, I got a like on "Janai-san, why don't you change your name?" for the first time in a while.
As usual, I thought, "Hmm? Someone related to Janai-san? Who could it be?" and went to check, fluttering my sleeves.
That person had written an article titled "A Snake Hijacks Jumbo."
It was too scary to look at.
I'm sorry, I'm not good with snakes.
Since Janai-san wasn't in their follows or followers, I assumed they came purely because of the snake connection.
And that they accidentally opened that article, read it to the end, and left a like.
Hehe.
Hehehe.
Isn't that funny?
That they dutifully read a stranger's name-change commotion to the end.
Huh?
Was it interesting?
I want to ask, but "A Snake Hijacks Jumbo" is too scary to get close to.
Regrettable.
Kohan-san.
I'm this kind of person, but I look forward to our continued friendship.
Bungu
***********************
Here is the wonderful letter from Kohan-san.
Here is the latest short-short story.
I found myself empathizing with the daughter character.
I wanted to cry halfway through.
Kohan-san, your poems, tanka, and essays are all wonderful.
I feel that you choose the best medium to express what you want to convey and give it form.
I look forward to your future work, Kohan-san.
Oh no!
I forgot to answer your question about the apron!!
Kohan-san, I am the type who wears an apron.
That is because I am always scattering oil, flour, or water, so an apron is essential!!
And yet, and yet, meat sauce still manages to fly onto the area right next to the shoulder strap of my apron!
It is so frustrating!!
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