Family Travelogue | A Sense of Graduating from Ruining the Fun Atmosphere

This is a record of my freedom and rebirth as I escape the curse of perfectionism.

It has probably been two years since our last family trip.
My children are two years apart, so entrance exams came one after the other.

This year was my daughter's university entrance exam, and last year was my son's high school entrance exam.
Even before that, it was quite difficult to travel by stitching together time between regular exams and club activities.

During this long weekend, we finally went on a family trip for the first time in a while.
I always think this might be the last time the four of us travel together. It is precious time.

This time, even without going far, the time spent as a family was peaceful and
it turned into a very fulfilling trip.

I have written about this before, but
it seems that "toxic parents ruin the fun atmosphere of events."
That is exactly what I was like not long ago; whenever it came to trips or events, I would be so tense about doing things perfectly that I often ruined the fun atmosphere.

If things didn't go as I planned, or if my family was in a bad mood,

or even just unresponsive, I would feel a sense of defeat, thinking, "I'm trying so hard!"
and I would get unreasonably angry.

I think I wanted to be praised and didn't want to fail.

I had a strong, strange sense of responsibility, and I would perceive it as a failure or not getting the right answer if the family wasn't having fun, if the restaurant I chose wasn't great, or if the plan was poorly thought out and inefficient, taking too much time.

I think I was anxious because I didn't have the flexibility to enjoy unexpected developments.

This time, too, there were many moments where my usual habits almost made me feel anxious.

However, I was able to let things go quite a bit, and since many things worked out well even without planning, I felt that I might have acquired the joy of leaving things to the flow.

I might have graduated from being a toxic parent.
No, I have.
I thought it would be happier to think that way
(*´ω｀*)

Not blaming myself, not carrying the burden as my own responsibility.

It seems I am changing into that kind of person.
I don't really know what is causing this change.

Maybe the screws in my brain have loosened or fallen out, haha.

I want to write the travelogue little by little before I forget.
I want to keep a record of this feeling of being able to enjoy things while staying relaxed, and the feeling of not blaming myself.