3 Ways I Conquered a Difficult Person at Work

Can you treat someone you don't like with a smile?

When working, you sometimes inevitably encounter someone you think, 'Oh, I'm not good with this person...'

A certain woman I occasionally work with on-site is exactly that type.

She has an unfriendly and blunt way of speaking.

Communication is difficult, and honestly, on days she is there, I feel a bit heavy-hearted from the morning.
That was the kind of presence she had.

But one day, I suddenly thought,

'Instead of avoiding this person, what would happen if I tried to conquer the situation?'

By 'conquer,' I didn't mean trying to force a change, but rather felt like it was an experiment to improve our relationship a little.

I actually did conquer it, but I had almost forgotten about that day as just another daily occurrence.

However, reading hashikko's article reminded me of it.

'Ah, that's right, that's how I felt at that time.'

This time, I will share my actual experience of 'conquering' a difficult person at my workplace.

✨ '3 Conquest Methods' to Break Down an Unfriendly Wall

Looking back now, they were very simple actions that also align with psychology.

1. 'Relaxed Smile' so as not to be drawn into the other person's pace

First, the basics. Treat them with a smile no matter what is said.

To avoid being drawn into the other person's pace, I intentionally spoke at a slightly slower tempo.

I continued to show through my attitude a sense of security that said, 'I am not your enemy.'

2. Pinpoint a 'trivial detail' to praise

I found avery trivial partof her work and showed an attitude of admiration, saying,

'That's fast! I can't do that well. Is there a trick to it?'

Honestly, it was a trivial thing that wouldn't matter whether she could do it or not.

She was surprised, saying, 'I've never thought about that,' but she also looked somewhat proud.

I also tried imitating her in front of her and doing that task.

I wasn't unable to do it, but I was slow. Seeing me fumbling, she gave me kind words,
'You can totally do it if you arrange it in your own way.'

Then, interestingly enough,
she praised me, saying that a certain movement of mine was fast.

I hadn't really been conscious of it, so I thought, 'Huh?'
But she told me, 'I'm sorry I'm slow, because I can't do it' 😮

It might be what psychology calls 'reciprocity'.

It is said that when people are treated kindly or praised,
they feel like they 'have to give something back'.

3. Proactive support disguised as 'while I'm at it'

I felt like our relationship was warming up in a good way.

The next thing I did was to quickly get ahead and prepare what she would need next,
with an air of 'I'm just doing this while I'm at it' 👆

She didn't say, 'Oh, that's thoughtful of you,' but her expression said it.

Since she's an expressionless person, the change was actually easy to spot (laughs).

In her case, I thought she wouldn't want me to be too intrusive,
so after that, I would check the situation before offering help.

'Would you like me to help you with that?'

I continued with my work while signaling that I was always open to helping.

Of course, by doing my own tasks flawlessly, I could say 'I'm fine' whenever she checked on my progress.

I felt that a bit of a trusting relationship was born from that.

Finding the right distance with people is actually really difficult, isn't it?

I myself have lost my balance in the past by getting too involved in other people's problems.

I've written about what I learned from that here 👇

Summary

I always felt heavy-hearted when I had to interact with this person at work, but

The other person is a mirror of yourself 🪞

I realized this time that when I change, the other person's reaction changes too.

I don't think there's anyone who feels bad when they are praised.

However, transparent flattery is counterproductive.

I believe the key to this success pattern was praising her on specific points.

It's the same at work and in parenting.

Instead of 'You're cute,' say 'Your hairstyle today is stylish.'
Instead of 'You're good at your job,' say 'Your work is meticulous, it's very like you.'

I think that showing you are 'really watching them' can be the trigger to break down emotional walls.

I used to think that difficult people were meant to be avoided.

However, perhaps by changing how I interact with them just a little, the relationship can change.

Is there someone difficult in your circle that you would like to conquer?

✨Postscript | A follow-up story

It seems my approach back then was not wrong.

The fact that I was able to end on a good note last time paid off.

She has started coming to me for advice regarding work.

I worked in a team of four with her and other staff, and her assessment of me was:

・I have a fast work speed.
・I can see the big picture.
・I am easy to talk to, even for someone like her who struggles with social interaction.

It seems that is the case, and we have moved from a hierarchical feeling to an equal relationship.

And for some reason, I even ended up receiving some minor personal advice requests (lol).

Being able to open the heart of this seemingly tough person made me very happy and boosted my confidence✨

Through this experience,
I felt that "how we interact with people" can be changed little by little.

To those who try too hard.
For those who feel guilty about "taking a break," this article is also recommended👇

👇For those reading for the first time.
Start here.

⛩ Click here for a list of shrine articles.

💛 This is the Self-Praise series.

#HumanRelationships
#Communication
#Work
#Workplace
#Realization