To Those Who Feel They Aren't the Ideal Father

My father was a know-it-all.
His catchphrase was, "Dad knows everything."
By the time I was in the sixth grade, I knew deep down that he was just trying too hard.

When you become a "father," you are suddenly made to feel that you have to be solid and reliable.
According to surveys conducted by major educational institutions and Meiji Yasuda Life Insurance, 70% to 80% of people say they want to be a "fine father."
However, 60% to 70% of those people apparently feel that they "haven't become the ideal father."

It must have been when I was in the fourth grade. It was our daily routine to eat dinner together as a family while watching TV.

Once, a program about sign language was on, and I asked a question without thinking.
"How do you say our last name in sign language?"
I never imagined this question would stump our family dinner table.

My last name is "Nishikori."
Because it's a bit unusual, it seemed like it would be difficult to express in sign language. I even felt a little regret for throwing such a difficult question at him.

Clack.
Ignoring my regret, the sound of my father forcefully putting down his chopsticks echoed through the room. Then, he slowly thrust his right hand forward.
He held up two fingers: "Ni!"
He held up four fingers: "Shi!"
............But he stopped there.

A complete shot in the dark. He probably thought he could get by with two fingers for "Ni" and four for "Shi." But "Ko" and "Ri" were still waiting. You can't express those with numbers. What now?

My father held up five fingers and blurted out, "Ko!"
No, that's a stretch. That's "Go," not "Ko." Where did the dakuten go?
Even though the final hurdle, "Ri," was still waiting, he completely froze up. The dinner table remained dead silent.

"I don't know."
Living while hiding this from your children is quite a high hurdle.
Even though the world is overflowing with all kinds of knowledge, "knowing everything" is physically impossible.

But perhaps it is the earnest wish to remain a "fine father" that refuses to let him admit that.
Is he forced to take a shot in the dark because he can't bring himself to say "I don't know" to sign language he doesn't actually understand?

I frequently watch the blog of Mamekichi Mameko.

In her diary, her "Father" occasionally makes an appearance.

The "Father" who appears on Mamekichi Mameko's blog gives the impression of being more "good material for a joke" than "fine."

However, seeing him live his life with dignity even while being teased by his two daughters makes me think, "Fathers can just be like this."
The model of an "ideal father" used to be much cooler. But it's surprisingly difficult to reach that point.

Even if you get teased when you see your children, they still come home to visit once in a while.
Staying in that kind of position might be more comfortable, and perhaps it's a new form of the "ideal father."