When You Feel Like You're Not on the Same Page | It's Okay to Be Confused: Gently Asking "How do you feel?"

In your interactions with others,
even if the reason isn't clear,
have you ever felt like your heart just can't find rest?

Even though you want to cherish your relationship with the other person,
there are moments when you lose sight of how to engage with them.

In this article,
out of the series of articles I've written about such feelings,
I have focused just a little bit on "actual interaction scenarios."

If you are interested,
you can read it here.
▶︎ Previous article

This is not about how to do things well.
I want to cherish the attitude of
trying to connect, even while feeling confused.

"How do you feel?"

This question "How do you feel?" is a question
you don't have to try to use perfectly.

Even so,
when you actually try to ask someone,
"Was this the right time?"
"Should I have asked this now?"
you might find yourself hesitating.

Here,
rather than how to use it correctly,
I will list a few situations where it's okay to ask even while feeling confused.

You don't need to try all of them.
As you read,
if there is a part where you feel, "This might be me right now,"
that is enough.

When you feel like you're not on the same page

Even though you are talking,
it feels like something is slightly off.

Even though you keep explaining,
it feels like the distance between you is actually growing.

At times like that,
before trying to align your answers,
try gently placing this question.

You don't have to try to correct the other person's thinking.
First,
listen to "what they are feeling."

Just by doing that,
the atmosphere of the conversation
can sometimes soften a little.

When you are concerned about the other person's reaction

Their replies are short.
You can't read their expression.
They seem a little different than usual.

At times like that,
you might feel the urge to add more words out of anxiety.

However,
instead of asking for the reason,
try gently posing just this question.

There is no need to rush for an answer.
If the other person wants to talk, they will.
If they don't want to talk, respect that as well.

That sense of distance
can sometimes lead to trust.

When you don't want to break the relationship

You feel like you should say something.
But you don't know how to convey it.

Precisely because you want to cherish the relationship,
there are times when you struggle with words.

At times like that,
before asserting yourself or explaining,
try adding this one phrase.

Just by having this one phrase,
the starting point of the dialogue
can change a little.

It's okay if you don't get an answer

You won't necessarily get an answer
to this question right away.

Sometimes it's hard to put into words,
or you might be told, "I don't know."

Even so, it is okay.

The fact that you asked the question
is,
in itself, an act of respecting the other person.

It's okay to use it even if you aren't good at it

This question
is not a tool to make a relationship go well.

It is not meant to change the other person,
nor is it meant to make yourself look good.

It is a question to put into words
the attitude of trying to face someone as a person
without rushing the relationship.

That is why,
it is okay if you don't do it perfectly.

If you ever find yourself
trying to use this question
and end up lost in thought all by yourself.

Just as much as asking the question,
not keeping your feelings to yourselfis something
I hope you will value.

Regarding this question,
I have written about it little by little in several articles so far.

Feeling like your heart cannot rest for some reason,
even if you don't know exactly why.

The moments when you don't know how to interact with someone,
precisely because you want to cherish the relationship with them.

And,
the idea that you don't have to try to sort those things out all by yourself.

Each of these
might seem like separate topics,
but they are articles that look at the same place from different angles.

• The reason why your heart cannot rest even though you are doing things right

• One question to ask yourself when you are lost

• On times when you don't have to try to sort things out alone

And, after posing this question,
sometimes you might end up feeling more tired yourself for some reason.

That might be
proof that you are trying to feel things properly.
I have written about times when you don't have to try to sort things out alone
in another article.

*Here,
rather than coming up with an answer,
I value noticing your own sensations.

✨ If today's question resonated with "the you of now",
these articles are also recommended.

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Junko Kiryu / Communication Trainer

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I deliver exclusive messages and
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The links are summarized in the profile section.

May today be a good day for you too 🌹