The story of an occupational therapist who thought he couldn't get married at 106kg, and how he reached his 10th wedding anniversary

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I will be honest.

When I was overweight, I genuinely thought, "I probably won't be able to get married."

I weighed 106kg. I had social anxiety. There was a time when I was afraid of women. My self-esteem was at rock bottom.

Even so, this year, I reached my 10th wedding anniversary.

How did I get here? I would like to talk about that today.

My complex became the catalyst for change

I started going to the gym for a simple reason.

"If I lose weight, I might be able to get a girlfriend."

That was it. There was no noble motive. I just felt an impatience that nothing would change if I stayed the way I was.

I started with water walking. At first, that was all I could do. I couldn't run because my knees hurt. For an hour, I just kept walking in the water.

A year later, my weight was 77kg. I had lost 29kg.

When my body changed, I gained a little bit of self-confidence. There is a saying that "90% of a person is their appearance," but I learned firsthand that changing your appearance also changes your inner self.

We met through a colleague's introduction

When I lost weight, I was working at a local day care center.

One day, a colleague I used to work with at a rehabilitation hospital in Osaka reached out to me. They said, "There is someone I want to introduce to you."

The person was a physical therapist. Since we were both in the medical profession, our LINE conversations took off immediately. Work talk, patients, the workplace. We never ran out of things to talk about.

Before that, I had tried matching apps and other introductions. But none of them worked out. With matching apps, I would find myself suspecting, "Are these people fake?" It might have been unnecessary sensitivity due to my HSP temperament.

But my interactions with my current wife were different.

"It doesn't feel exhausting" was the answer.

It was a long-distance relationship. It took an hour and a half one way by car, or two hours by train with transfers.

Even so, we messaged on LINE every day. We talked on the phone, too. Even when we were in contact all day long, it never felt exhausting.

For me, as an HSP, this was the most honest sign.

I get drained when I'm with people for long periods. I get exhausted in large groups. That is my nature. But interacting with her never felt heavy, even as time passed. If anything, it felt natural.

I can breathe when I'm with this person.

The moment I felt that, I decided to confess my feelings.

The confession happened at her place.

A few months after the long-distance relationship began, we both happened to have business in Tokyo.

A few days before that, I visited her home.

It wasn't that I was confident in myself. My social anxiety hadn't completely disappeared either. It was just a feeling that 'maybe there's a possibility' that pushed me forward.

I confessed. She said yes.

The long-distance relationship lasted for five months. After that, she moved to my hometown. She moved from Osaka to a place where she barely knew anyone.

What I learned from married life

Our hobbies didn't match at all. We had clashes in values, too. There was friction from time to time regarding money, housework, and living together.

When we fought, the emotional words typical of women cut deep into me. With my HSP temperament, every single word resonated sharply. I could never sleep after a fight.

But it didn't happen often.

Women have times when they are prone to irritability due to hormonal influences. If you force your way in during those times, you'll step on a landmine. My HSP temperament, which allows me to sense the nuances of others' emotions, was useful here. I was naturally able to judge that it was better not to engage that day.

And I realized something.

Before marriage, I thought, 'It's fine if we just cover for each other's strengths and weaknesses.' But that was a little off.

A marriage works better when you support each other out of care, even for things you're not good at. I think it wasn't about dividing tasks based on strengths and weaknesses, but about how you face each other's feelings.

To my past self

Honestly, I don't know if I could have gotten married back then at 106kg while still overweight.

But facing my insecurities and trying to change myself is what led to who I am today.

I can't find the words to say to my past self.

But I can say this to my current self.

I'm glad you did your best back then.

What I want to tell you today

There is definitely someone who will accept you for who you are.

Even if you have social anxiety, low self-esteem, or are an HSP, you can fall in love. You can get married.

I think the most important thing is 'comfort'.

Someone you can be with without feeling drained. Someone you can breathe around. Just having someone like that by your side changes your life significantly.

I am truly grateful just for their presence.

Even now, in my 10th year of marriage, I still feel that way.

Occupational therapist, 15th year. Working at a special nursing home. HSP/ISFJ. 10th year of marriage. Today, I am still supported by my wife and child.

Recommended articles to read next (3 selections)
The essential difference between people who stick to a diet and those who don't, honestly told by an occupational therapist who went from 106kg to 77kg

From 4L to L size. The essence of 'continuing' that an occupational therapist who lost 29kg realized after going through plateaus and rebounds

To readers who empathize with the past negative thinking of 'I can't get married'

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