Not Being Motivated Is Not About Your Personality. An Occupational Therapist with 13 Years of Adlerian Practice Deciphers the True Nature of Your "Stuck Self" Through Teleology

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Prologue—I swallowed my proposal, thinking, "They'll just say no anyway."

This happened recently during a meeting at work.
As a functional training instructor, I have been observing a user's walking condition for a long time. Regarding one person, I thought, "If this person uses a walker, they can walk quite safely. Wouldn't it be better to increase the opportunities for them to walk on their own?"

I thought about proposing it. I started to open my mouth.

But at that moment, a voice in my head said:

"They'll just find some reason to say no anyway." "They'll say there isn't enough staff, they can't provide supervision, or they'll worry about liability if the person falls—it's bound to end that way."

The moment I thought that, I swallowed my proposal. I told myself, "Well, let's skip it for today."

—Does this sound familiar to you, the reader?

You know you should do it. You could do it if you wanted to. Yet, for some reason, you can't move. You don't move.

I am an occupational therapist in my 16th year, an HSP and ISFJ working at a special nursing home. I have been practicing Adlerian psychology for 13 years and have been present at the end-of-life of nearly 100 people.

In this Adler series, I have previously written about "separation of tasks" and the "purpose of anger." Following that, today I want to dissect that feeling everyone has—of "not being motivated" or "being unable to move"—using teleology.

I will state the conclusion first.

Not being motivated is not about your personality or a lack of willpower. It is because you are protecting something by "not moving."

Chapter 1—Teleology looks at "purpose," not "cause"

First, I would like to review teleology.

The starting point of Adlerian psychology is "teleology." While Freud believed that "people are driven by past causes," Adler opposed this directly.

People are not moved by past causes. They "choose" their actions for the purpose they want to achieve right now.

When you look at the state of "not being motivated" through the lens of causality, it looks like this:

"I can't move because I'm tired." "I can't do it because I'm busy." "I don't do it because I have no talent."

It's all blamed on the past or the situation.

However, when viewed through the lens of teleology, the landscape changes completely.

“You are using fatigue as an excuse because you have the goal of wanting to stay still,” or “You are using busyness as a shield because you have the goal of wanting to avoid doing it.”

—This is harsh. You might feel like pushing back while reading it. Thirteen years ago, when I first encountered this way of thinking, I also wanted to close the book, thinking, “No, no, I really am busy.”

But what is important here is that teleology is “not a tool to blame you.”

Once you see the “goal of not moving,” you can finally face that goal for the first time. If you can face it, you can choose again.

Teleology is a tool for regaining control over your own life. As long as you blame “the past” or “the situation,” you will always leave the steering wheel of your life in someone else’s hands.

Let’s return to my story from the beginning.

“I won’t make a proposal because I’ll be rejected anyway”—when deciphered through teleology, it looks like this.

I “did not want to be rejected.” To be precise, I “did not want to make a proposal, be denied, and get hurt.” So, I made a prediction that “I would be rejected anyway” and chose not to make the proposal at all.

If I don’t make a proposal, I won’t be rejected. I won’t get hurt either.

By “not moving,” I was protecting my own pride.

When I realized this, I lost my place to run. I had no choice but to admit that my excuses like “I’m busy” or “it’s useless anyway” were all just a smokescreen.

Chapter 2—There is always a benefit to “not changing”

Here, I will write the core of teleology.

When people do not move, there is always a “benefit to not changing” there.

This is also connected to my story from when I weighed 106kg and was on a diet. Back then, I kept saying, “I can’t exercise because I’m busy” or “I can’t date because I’m fat.” But in reality—if I seriously lost weight and still failed at dating, my very existence as a person would be denied. To escape that fear, I stayed in the safe hiding place of “being fat.”

As long as I was fat, I could keep the possibility that “if I lost weight, I might be popular” forever. If I don’t try, I won’t fail.

This is the “benefit of not changing.”

As long as we don’t move, we can preserve the “self that might succeed if I tried.” We can avoid experiencing the despair of giving it our all and still failing.

When you don’t feel motivated, I want you to ask yourself this.

"What am I protecting by staying still?"

The answer is usually one of three things: I am avoiding getting hurt. I don't want to admit failure. I don't want to let go of my current comfort.

None of these are bad things. They are perfectly natural defensive reactions as a human being.

However, life changes completely depending on whether or not you are "aware" of that purpose. If you remain unaware, you will continue to blame yourself, thinking, "I am a person with a weak will." But if you can realize, "Oh, I am avoiding getting hurt right now," you no longer need to blame yourself. And for the first time, you can choose for yourself, "Well then, will I move or not?"

Chapter 3—A confession in the present progressive tense. Why I am not moving right now

This is where teleology comes in.

Is "not having time" really the cause? Or is it an excuse to hide a purpose?

I will honestly look inside myself.

A new attempt at YouTube. This is something I started thinking I wanted to do about two weeks ago. I haven't started it yet. Precisely because it is new, I don't know if it will go well. The note and YouTube work I am doing now have been continued every day, and I have solidified my own way of doing things. It is a familiar place. If I step out of that, try something new, and the reaction is weak—then "Oh, this wasn't for me," and another door of possibility will quietly close.

That is scary.

The second Kindle book is the same. Only two copies of the first one have been sold. Looking only at the numbers, it is not a result I can be proud of to anyone. Even so, I think, "I want to write the next one too." But suddenly, I lose my nerve. "Even though only two copies sold, is there any point in releasing a second one?" "If it doesn't sell again, won't it be clearly proven that my writing has no value this time?"

In other words, I am using "not having time" as a shield to protect myself from new challenges—or more accurately, from being hurt by having results shoved in my face.

This is the result of dissecting myself with teleology.

It is tough, but there is also a feeling of being a little more at ease while writing it. Because I feel that admitting, "Oh, I am afraid of not getting results," allows me to move forward much more than blaming my "time-poor self."

And I realize. It is also a fact that I "don't have time." But if I really don't have time, I should prioritize and cut things out. The reason I don't do that is because somewhere in my heart, I have the purpose of "wanting to stay still."

Fact and purpose. Separating these two is the trick to using teleology correctly.

Chapter 4—Pokémon GO moved me

I also want to talk about the opposite. A story about "I couldn't move for a long time, but suddenly I was able to move because of a certain trigger."

As I wrote in the article I posted yesterday, I was deeply into Pokémon GO.

Level 80. Maxed out, meaning the highest level. The required experience points are about 200 million. For about a year and a half since I restarted, I kept earning experience points single-mindedly, and just before I started note, I finally reached it.

Actually, the reason I started a side job was because I reached level 80.

I have a personality where I cannot move on to the next thing until one thing is finished. The moment I reached level 80 in Pokémon GO and felt that I had finally reached a stopping point, I was finally able to start working on my side job.

——Hidden here is another aspect of the true nature of my 'inability to move'.

Had I been using 'Pokémon GO is still in progress' as an excuse not to do a side job until then?

Of course, I also truly wanted to reach a stopping point. But looking at it through teleology, the very structure of 'I cannot start something new because there is something unfinished' may have been a convenient mechanism for putting off new challenges.

People are truly skilled at creating reasons not to move. 'When this is finished,' 'When that is cleared up,' 'When I have time.' That 'someday' usually never comes.

However, in my case, the stopping point in Pokémon GO really was the trigger.

What is important here is that the trigger can be anything. It could be a deadline, a word from someone, a change in environment, or a 'stopping point' of your own making.

What people who cannot move need is not willpower. It is a small trigger to let go of the 'purpose of not moving'.

When you become able to intentionally create that trigger for yourself, you become quite free.

Chapter 5——My Daughter's 'Ramen' and 'I Don't Need Anything'

I would like to interject with a story about my family.

Today was my day off. My daughter has an Aikido lesson at 12 o'clock. Since the morning, my daughter had helped me wash the car, pulled weeds in the garden, and washed her indoor shoes. She worked hard. She must have been hungry too.

At 11:20, we hurried to the store before her lesson. My wife and I intended to quickly buy some prepared bread.

When I asked my daughter, 'What do you want to eat?', she replied like this.

'Ramen'

——This was a problem. There was no time to make it after we got home. But my daughter and I both knew there was instant ramen at home. I knew she was saying it with that in mind. I understood that too.

When I said, 'It's going to be tight on time to make it, isn't it?', my daughter said this.

'Then, I don't want it. I don't need anything.'

Here, we apply teleology.

Is my daughter really just wanting to eat ramen? She says she "doesn't need anything" even though she should be hungry. Behind this contradiction lies another purpose.

Perhaps my daughter wanted me to see that she had helped out a lot since the morning. She wanted me to acknowledge her hard work and treat her specially. I think "ramen" was a small request to confirm those feelings.

We were pressed for time, and honestly, I didn't really want to give her ramen. But I didn't say "it's impossible" or "I can't." I felt that if I said that, I would be pushing away her true desire to be seen.

In the end, I managed to make it for her. My daughter seemed satisfied.

Behind people's "want to do" and "don't want to do" always lies a true purpose. This is the same for both adults and children.

And whether or not you can notice that true purpose changes how you interact with them entirely. This leads directly into the story of the user in the next chapter.

Chapter 6: The person who says "I can't," but can actually walk

There is a user like this at the special nursing home.

That person can walk on their own if they use a walker. Although they have had a lumbar compression fracture, they have already taken off their corset and have no medical restrictions.

Yet, they always say this:

"I can't do it. Help me."

When getting up, they always rely on the staff, saying, "I can't do it. Help me up." Even when sitting in a wheelchair, when a staff member passes by, they sigh and say, "Sigh, take me home already."

But interestingly, at other times, they chat normally with other users and laugh often.

If you look at it through the lens of etiology, it would be that they cannot do it because "they had a fracture," "they are old," or "they are anxious."

But if you look at it through the lens of teleology, you think: What is this person trying to achieve by saying "I can't"?

If you infer deeply, four purposes become visible.

The first is to gain connection. In a special nursing home, staff are always busy. People who can move around without problems are inevitably seen as "people who don't need help," so the number of times they are spoken to decreases. This person may have learned unconsciously: "If I move on my own, no one comes to me. But if I say 'I can't,' the staff will come near me, touch my body, and speak to me." "Help me" is a voice seeking connection, saying "I want you to see me."

The second is to be a special existence. Everyone wishes to be a "person of value." But in facility life, there are few opportunities to be useful to someone or have one's abilities recognized. When one cannot feel value in a positive way, people sometimes use "weakness" as a weapon. By feeling that "I am a special person who is taken care of by staff who are always by my side," they confirm their own value.

The third is to ensure absolute safety. Even if their body can walk, there is a fear of "what if I walk alone and fall?" If they say "I can't" and have a staff member stand by them, the risk of falling becomes zero. Rather than trying and failing, it is much safer to remain a "self that cannot do it" from the start.

The fourth is to avoid expectations and responsibilities. If it is certified that they "can walk alone," they will be asked for independence one after another, such as "then go to the bathroom alone" or "let's work harder on rehabilitation." If that is a pressure, and if they do not want to let go of their current comfortable and protected state, it is much easier to intentionally play the role of a "self that cannot do it."

—None of these are things that should be blamed.

Here, I would like you to recall my story from Chapter 1. The structure is exactly the same between me, who couldn't move because I thought, "I won't propose it because I'll just be rejected anyway," and this person who doesn't move, saying, "I can't do it, so help me."

By "not moving," we avoid getting hurt, ensure our safety, and protect our current state.

We tend to easily judge this person as "dependent." But what if I were in the same position? I am sure there is something I, too, would want to protect by saying, "I can't."

Teleology is not a tool for judging others. It is a tool for noticing the other person's "true purpose" and accepting the voices deep down that say, "I want you to see me," "I'm scared," or "I don't want to be expected to do anything."

That is why, when this person says, "I can't," I do not flatly say, "You can do it, let's try." First, I listen to the voice deep down. If they are seeking a connection, I stay by their side when I can and listen to them properly. When the sense of security that they are "being seen" is satisfied in this way, people sometimes start to move little by little, thinking, "Maybe I'll try doing it myself."

Chapter 7—How to deal with the "purpose of not moving"

Up to this point, I have looked at everything—my own procrastination, my ongoing inability to move, the milestones in Pokémon GO, my daughter's ramen, and the dependency of the people I support—through a single thread called "teleology."

Finally, I would like to write about what you should actually do.

First, stop blaming yourself.

Blaming your "unmotivated self" or "stuck self" for having a weak will changes nothing. Rather, by blaming yourself, the feeling of helplessness that "I am no good" intensifies, and you become even more unable to move. This is also a matter of how the brain works.

Next, put into words, just once, "what you are protecting by not moving."

Are you avoiding getting hurt? Do you not want to admit failure? Do you not want to let go of your current comfort? Just giving it a name is enough. Once it has a name, it changes from an "unidentified weight" into an "object you can face."

And then, "acknowledge, without blame," that purpose.

"Ah, I see, I don't want to get hurt. That's only natural." First, comfort the part of yourself that is afraid. This is exactly the same process as finding the primary emotion beneath anger.

On top of that, create small "milestones" or "triggers" for yourself.

For me, it was reaching level 80 in Pokémon GO. For you, it can be anything. It could be "by the end of this month," "when I finish reading this book," or "declaring it to someone." Create a small foothold to let go of the purpose of not moving.

Finally, just one thing.

The choice of "not moving" is also perfectly valid.

Rushing everything with "move, move" is, in itself, violent. Teleology is not a whip that says, "Therefore, move right now." It is a tool for freedom that says, "There is a purpose to not moving. Knowing that, you are free to choose for yourself whether to move or not."

Right now, I haven't been able to move forward with my new YouTube project or my second Kindle book. I admitted that this is because I'm "scared." Having admitted that, I'll probably start moving again in a little while. Because I already know that I am the type of person who can take action once I reach a certain milestone.

What is it that you are unable to move forward with right now?

Is it really because of time or talent that you are "not doing it"? Or is it because by not moving, you are protecting something?

You don't need to blame yourself. Just ask yourself this one question, just once.

"What am I protecting by not moving right now?"

When you can answer that question, you have already begun to take the steering wheel of your life back into your own hands.

Tomorrow, I will be at the special nursing home again. I will sit beside someone, listening to the true feelings hidden behind the words, "I can't do it, please help me." And when I get home, someday—probably soon—I will start working on that challenge I admitted I was scared of.

When that day comes, I think I will write about it here again.

Profile

16th year as an occupational therapist | Works in special nursing homes and unit care | Former dementia care instructor and manager | HSP/ISFJ | Playing tennis since junior high | Father of a 7-year-old daughter | 13 years of practicing Adlerian psychology | Lost weight from 106kg to 77kg | After experiencing depression and social anxiety, I continue to share insights based on my field experience, having learned to live without medication.

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