Is it bad to compare yourself to others? Is that really true?

When I was a child, I was never once bought new clothes.

My family didn't have any money.

All I ever wore were hand-me-downs given to me by the children of my mother's acquaintances.

Of course, it wasn't that I disliked those clothes.

But every time I saw my friends at school wearing cute, brand-new clothes, I would think to myself in my heart:

“I'm so jealous.”

“I want to wear clothes like that, too.”

Whenever I told my mother how I felt, her response was always the same.

“Other people are other people. You are you.”

I'm sure my mother told me that so I wouldn't suffer from comparing myself to others.

But as a young child, I interpreted those words like this:

“Comparing yourself to others is a bad thing.”

That is why I even started to blame myself for comparing.

But now, I suddenly wonder.

Is that really true?

We perceive the world by comparing things.

Think about it for a moment.

Today is hotter than yesterday.

This road is closer than that one.

This flower is small.

That tree is big.

We perceive the world by sensing differences.

If we couldn't compare things,

“It's warmer today than it was yesterday.”

We wouldn't even be able to feel things like that.

In other words, comparing is a natural function for humans to understand the world.

That is why I believe,

that comparing itself is not a bad thing.

That is what I think.

What was painful was not the act of comparing.

Even after becoming an adult, I have compared myself to others many times.

When I was a company employee.

Since I started using social media.

Even after starting my own business.

“That person is amazing.”

“That person is a wonderful mother.”

“That person looks like they are having fun.”

The moment after I thought things like that,

the same words always followed in my heart.

“Compared to them, I am...”

After comparing myself, I would even lower my own self-worth.

I understand that now.

The pain didn't come from the act of comparing.

It came from what I did after comparing,

“Therefore, I am not enough.”

I had decided that was the case.

Perhaps I had misunderstood my mother's words.

I think that now.

Maybe she didn't mean to say, "Don't compare yourself."

Surely,

she didn't want me to compare myself to others and end up hating myself.

She didn't want me to blame myself.

I believe that was her wish.

But I,

“Comparing itself is a bad thing.”

That is how I interpreted it.

Even with the same words,

the meaning changes depending on how you perceive them.

Perhaps,

suffering is not the event itself, but

It may be born from our perception.

Something I realized while walking in the mountains

Since moving to Hoshino Village,

I have been walking in the mountains almost every day.

There,

there are trees that reach straight up to the sky,

and there are trees that spread their branches wide to the side.

Small flowers.

Grass whose name I don't even know.

Moss.

They are all different.

But,

no one decides

which one is superior.

Each one

lives with its own role in that place.

When I look at that scenery,

I think that people might actually be the same.

Comparing yourself can be a gateway to knowing yourself

"That person is good at speaking."

I used to be someone who

would just end with, "That's why I'm no good."

But now,

my question has changed just a little bit.

I've started asking myself,

"What am I good at?"

"What can I learn from that person?"

Once I started asking those questions,

comparing myself

stopped being a time to blame myself,

and turned into a time to get to know myself.

When your perspective changes, the way you compare changes too.

Nothing about reality has changed.

What changed was

my perspective.

"That person is amazing."

That fact remains the same.

But,

the words you choose to follow that up with

are yours to decide.

That is why I am no good.

You can continue like that.

I will nurture my own strengths.

You can also continue like that.

What was creating the suffering was,

not the act of comparing,

but the meaning you gave yourself after comparing.

I think that

comparing is not inherently bad.

What creates suffering is,

after comparing,

what kind of meaning you give to yourself.

I believe that is where it lies.

If,

after comparing,

I have my own role.

I have my own charm.

If you could think that way,

comparing would not be,

a time to blame yourself,

Perhaps it transforms into a time for self-discovery.

What do you think?

Today,

when you saw someone,

and thought,

"I wish I were like them."

After that,

what kind of words,

do you say to yourself?

Perhaps,

what is causing you pain,

is not the act of comparing,

but the words you unconsciously continue to say afterward.

Today, I am also,

asking myself this question.

"Is it really a bad thing to compare yourself to others?" Is that really true?

🌱 A small exercise to regain your ability to feel

Please look back on your day today.

Was there a moment when you saw someone and thought, "I wish I were like them"?

At that time, please write down the words that followed in your heart.

• "Compared to them, I..."

• "I'm just..."

• "I can't do it..."

If such words come to mind, please ask yourself one more time.

"Is that really true?"

That question might be the first step toward re-examining your perceptions.

📖 Articles to read together

"If I don't have an income, I have no value." Is that really true?

What criteria do we use to determine our own value?

This is an article that re-examines the yardstick of value.

▶ Read the article

"My mother was always looking at what was 'missing'."

Where does the perception of "missing" come from?

This is an article about my own origins.

▶ Read the article

💌 Please let me hear your voice

What you felt after reading this article,

"I find myself comparing myself in these ways."

"I had this kind of perception."

If you have any such realizations, please let me know.

Your words might be the catalyst for someone to re-examine themselves.

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🌿 Thank you for the feature.

This article was featured in a magazine.
I was very happy to be featured.

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