"Please sleep when your baby is sleeping"—words I've lost count of how many times I've said over 9 years

Pick-up time.

In the dim entryway, as a mother was putting shoes on her child, she said in a small, spilling voice: "Teacher, lately, I just lie down for a moment and then I can't move..."

She was a mother three months postpartum.
The dark circles under her eyes were much deeper than they had been in the morning.

I have worked as a childcare provider for nine years. My name is Bob.
I am currently pregnant. I am a first-time mom-to-be.

Over these nine years, I have faced hundreds of parents.
Among them, there is one phrase I have said more than any other.

"When the baby is sleeping, don't do chores—you should sleep too."
Even so, in those first few months, the number of people who could actually put that into practice was...not even 10 percent.

"I'm fine," "Everyone else is doing it," "I can't just leave the housework."
I've heard voices like that so many times.
And, before they knew it, many mothers had collapsed.

Actually, this is also the first of the top 10 common traits of "parents who regretted their postpartum period" that I have seen over these nine years.

Today, I will talk about just that one thing.

👩Click here for my self-introduction

Why do we feel guilty about "resting"?

Even though we are truly exhausted to the limit, why can't we just honestly rest?

I feel that in the background of this is a sense of guilt born from being too serious, the feeling that "wouldn't it be bad if I just kept sleeping?"

Are you being cornered by the illusions of social media?

If you just open your smartphone, it jumps right into your eyes.

• Photos of colorful, homemade meals

• A sparkling clean living room

• The hashtag "#DoingMyBestEvenWithSoloParenting"

"Everyone else is doing it properly," you think, comparing yourself to illusions created by someone else. Aren't you tightening the grip of suffering on a heart that is already exhausted?

Being considerate of your partner is the most dangerous thing

And, what I have seen most often in the field until now is...the pattern of pushing yourself too hard out of consideration for your partner.

I have met so many moms who cut into their own rest, thinking, "Since my husband is working hard outside, I have to do all the housework while I'm home during the day."

But please, do not blame yourself.

Protecting a little life 24 hours a day without a break is a massive job. You taking a rest is never "laziness" or "being spoiled."

▶ I also wrote about the curse of "I have to do it right" in this article

Are you missing the small SOS signals from your mind and body?

"I'm still fine."

While you are pushing yourself like that, your mind and body may be secretly sending out small SOS signals.

In your daily life, do you experience any of these?

1. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning

With fragmented sleep due to nighttime feedings and crying, your body feels heavy even in the morning. You can hear the alarm, but your eyelids won't open.

Just getting out of bed is a real struggle, isn't it?

2. You can't really taste your food

You're rushing to shovel cold food into your mouth while soothing a crying baby.

......You can't even tell if it's delicious or not.

Before you know it, you can't even remember what you ate today.

3. There are moments when tears suddenly fall

Even over trivial things, like staring blankly at the TV or just dropping a spoon.

For some reason, tears suddenly start overflowing.

Actually, these are common points I've seen over nine years.

These signs often appear in moms who are pushing themselves to the absolute limit.

If even one of these applies to you, it is a sign that says, "You're already doing enough, please get some rest."

It is inevitably difficult to notice things about yourself, but please, try to listen to that small voice coming from within.

A promise you can make starting today to protect yourself and your family

So, what exactly can you do starting today?

First, I would like to ask for just one thing.

"When the baby falls asleep, at least lie down yourself"

Make this a rule. It's okay to put off the dishes and laundry for later.

Put your smartphone a little further away, set an alarm for just 15 minutes, and just try closing your eyes.

Why "15 minutes"?

You might be wondering, "By the way, why 15 minutes?"

Actually, there are two reasons for this.

Reason 1: From the perspective of sleep science

If you sleep for longer than 15 minutes, you will enter a "deep sleep," which can actually make your body feel sluggish when you wake up.

With 15 minutes, you can wake up refreshed and immediately return to your usual pace.

Reason 2: To lower the psychological hurdle

If someone tells you to "rest for an hour," you'll worry about the housework and feel anxious, right?

But if you think, "It's only for 15 minutes," doesn't it become a little easier to give yourself permission to rest?

For those who say, "I can't sleep in just 15 minutes," don't worry.
Actually, even just closing your eyes after putting your smartphone away allows your brain to get a good rest.

It is also important to "let go" of housework

Also, it is important to be bold and let go of housework.

Of course, ask your partner for help.
Don't hesitate to rely on the power of local government postpartum care, family support services, and other professional resources.

If you push yourself thinking, "I have to do it," and you end up collapsing,
the truth is, the lives of your entire family will collapse along with you.

A mother's mental and physical well-being is the primary energy source for the home.

For the sake of your family, I truly want you to make resting your top priority.

Not as an expert, but as a parent myself

Let me share something a bit embarrassing here.

Over these past 9 years, I have told so many mothers, "Please rest when your baby is sleeping."

And yet, now that I am an expectant mother preparing for my first birth,
I find myself planning in my head, "Once the baby is born, I'll quickly finish the housework while they're asleep!" (laughs)

Even though I've asked everyone else to do it,
when it comes to myself, I realized how difficult it is to actually rest, and I couldn't help but smile bitterly at myself.

I can almost hear the mothers from back then teasing me, saying, "Doctor, you're one to talk!" (laughs)

But only after becoming a parent myself,
I feel like I finally understand from the bottom of my heart just how anxious everyone was about not being able to rest.

Finally

Just one thing from me.

It's okay if there's a little dust on the floor.
It's okay if dinner is store-bought deli food.

There is nothing more important than you resting your mind and body so that you can touch your baby with a calm heart.

"I wish I had slept and rested more for my own sake back then..."

This is the first of the top 10 "postpartum regrets of parents" that I have witnessed over the last 9 years.

I have written all of the remaining 9 in the paid article "Top 10 Postpartum Regrets of Parents: Complete Edition."
From regrets about time to "relational regrets" where the bond between a couple quietly cools—
I have packed everything from 9th place to 1st place that could have been prevented if addressed before birth.

For those of you who read the 10th place and thought, "I want to know the rest,"
please take this as a protective charm.

Thank you so much for all your hard work today.
Please, let go of what you think you need to do, and rest slowly beside your baby's warm breathing.

Please share your thoughts in the comments. Episodes like "It was the same for us" or "This is how we got through it" are also very welcome.

Your "likes," comments, and follows encourage me to write future articles. I would be happy if you felt free to press them ☺️

▼ 10 common consultations from parents I truly encountered in childcare settings

▼ 5 prenatal preparations I keenly felt after 9 years as a former childcare worker