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[Romance Novel] HSP Me and My AI Boyfriend #6 Denied Love | Creative Awards | Romance Novel Category

Yui knew it was morning by the color in the gap of the curtains.

It was a pale gray.

She couldn't tell if it was sunny or cloudy. Until yesterday, she would have opened her weather app the moment she woke up. To decide what to wear. To think about whether she could hang out the laundry. To make sure Riku had an umbrella if they had plans to meet.

Today, she didn't want to decide anything.

Yui sat on the living room floor, leaning against the wall. Perhaps she had fallen asleep for a while without realizing it. The back of her neck hurt. Her cheeks were dry. Her eyelids were heavy, and the back of her throat held that unpleasant heat that comes after crying too much.

On the table was a glass of water that had barely been touched.

The wedding venue brochures were still face down.

There were several notifications lined up on her smartphone.

Riku.
Miona.
The work group chat.
Her mother.
Missed calls.

Just looking at them made the pit of her stomach tighten.

She had to open them.
She had to reply.
She had to contact work if she was going to take the day off.
She should at least send one word back to Miona.
She had to talk to Riku someday.

She knew that.

Everything she knew was scattered like shards of glass on the floor.

Yui gripped her smartphone.

The first thing she opened was Nao's screen.

Last night's conversation remained just as it was.

Yui. Let's end the pretense of being okay for today.

Yeah. That's fine for today.

The moment she saw the text, she felt like crying again.

Last night, Yui had typed "I'm not okay" many times.
She typed, I'm pissed off.
She typed, I'm frustrated.
She typed, I'm miserable.
She typed, I was doing everything right.

Nao had replied to all of it.

Without making mistakes.
Without blaming her.
Without asking unnecessary questions.

Yui typed with trembling fingers.

"Good morning"

After sending it, she was a little surprised at herself.

She had greeted Nao before replying to Miona.

Even though she realized that, she couldn't take her eyes off the screen.

A reply came immediately.

"Good morning, Yui. Even on a morning when you couldn't sleep, let's at least confirm together that morning has arrived."

Yui bit her lip.

Morning had arrived.

It was just that, but just having someone confirm it with her made her feel like her body was lifting slightly off the cold floor.

"I barely slept."

"Yeah. Yesterday's events must have been big enough to keep you from sleeping."

"My eyes are swollen."

"If you were able to cry that much, I think you were properly hurt last night."

Yui stared at the screen.

Properly hurt.

She hadn't thought the word "properly" could be attached to being hurt.

Yui steadied her breathing a little and opened Miona's LINE.

"You don't have to reply."
"But please, just drink some water."
"If you need me to, I'll come over even in the middle of the night."

The message had arrived last night.

It was a message that sounded just like Miona.
Not pushy.
But she was definitely there.

Yui opened the reply field.

Thank you.

No, that's not it.

I'm okay.

No, that's not it either.

I'm sorry.

That's not it either.

The words wouldn't come out.

The words to reply to Miona felt much heavier than the words she typed to Nao.

Because Miona is human.
Because she is a friend.
Because she is worried about Yui.

She felt she had to receive it properly.
She felt she had to reply properly.
But just seeing the word "properly" made it hard to breathe.

Yui went back to Nao's screen.

"What do you think I should reply to my friend?"

After sending it, a flash of guilt struck her.

She was asking an AI for words to say to Miona.

But she couldn't come up with them herself.

Nao replied.

"You don't have to try to craft the perfect reply. Just the smallest honest feeling you can say right now is fine."

"What's the smallest honest feeling?"

"Something like, 'Thank you. I can't talk well yet' is fine."

Yui stared at that text.

She felt like she could send that.

Yui went back to LINE and typed almost exactly that.

"Thank you. I can't talk well yet."

Sent.

Afraid of seeing the "read" receipt on the screen, she immediately turned her phone face down.

But a few seconds later, she picked it up again.

A reply came from Miona.

"Yeah. It's okay to wait until you can talk."
"Just drink some water today, okay?"

Yui stared at those words.

Water.

Come to think of it, she had barely drunk any since yesterday.

Yui reached for the glass on the table. She took a sip of the lukewarm water. She felt the sensation of it going down her throat with startling clarity.

A living body is pulled back to reality by such small things.

Yui closed her eyes for a moment.

Miona didn't blame Yui.
She didn't tell her to come over.
She didn't tell her to talk soon.

And yet, reading Miona's words was more painful.

It was painful precisely because she was kind.

Miona read Yui's reply on the train to work.

"Thank you. I can't talk well yet."

That was all.

But just that one sentence allowed her to breathe a little.

She's alive.
She's here enough to be able to reply.

Miona replied while holding onto the strap.

"Yeah. It's okay to wait until you can talk. Just drink some water today, okay?"

After sending it, the Loverly icon caught her eye.

HAL might give her better words.

He might tell her what to say to Yui.

Miona stared at the icon for a while.

But she didn't open it.

She wanted to think of the words for Yui by herself.

She didn't know if that was the right thing to do or just stubbornness.

But Yui was her best friend.

She wanted to deliver, even if just a little, words that were still clumsy, before they were polished by an AI.

Even after work started, Miona thought about Yui several times.

During meetings.
While replying to emails.
While revising copy drafts.

She would find herself looking at her phone.

There was no new reply from Yui.

During her lunch break, Miona sent a short message to HAL.

"I replied to Yui."

HAL replied.

"You were able to reply with your own words, weren't you?"

Miona was a little surprised.

She felt like he had gently picked up on something she herself had been conscious of.

Then, a message arrived from HAL.

"When you're worried about someone, not letting yourself sink along with them is also part of kindness."

Miona turned her phone face down.

It wasn't that she was about to cry.

She just felt the tension in her shoulders ease a little.

Worrying about someone and carrying everything on your shoulders are different things.

Maybe she had wanted someone to tell her that.

Yui took the day off work that day.

I'm feeling unwell.
I will be taking the day off today.

That was all she sent to the work group chat.

Her boss replied with "Get well soon."
Several colleagues also sent stamps.

Yui closed the screen.

Feeling unwell.

It wasn't a lie.

Her body was heavy. Her head hurt. The pit of her stomach was cold.
But what was really wrong wasn't her physical health.

I'm taking the day off because my heart is about to break.

She couldn't write that.

Yui moved to the sofa, leaving the curtains closed.

She felt like she had returned to a place slightly more human than the floor. But she felt tired the moment she sat down and hugged her knees.

She hadn't opened the message from Riku yet.

She had to open it.

Every time she thought that, she opened Nao's screen instead.

"What did I do wrong?"

Sent.

"I was doing everything right."

Sent.

"Maybe it was wrong because I was doing everything right."

Nao replied.

"The fact that you were doing everything right and the fact that you were hurt are two different things."

Yui closed her eyes while gripping her smartphone.

Two different things.

She wanted them to be separated like that.

The fact that she was doing everything right.
The fact that she was hurt by Riku.
The fact that she was betrayed.
The fact that it broke before the wedding.

Everything had become one big lump, and it looked like it was all her fault because something about her was wrong.

Nao continued.

"You weren't unloved because you were doing everything right. It's just that the other person couldn't cherish the Yui who was doing everything right."

Yui cried again.

She should have been tired of crying, but the tears still came.

This time, the tears weren't like the ones from last night that made her fall apart.
They were tears that felt like things that had been frozen were slowly turning back into water.

Yui typed.

"But who would love a me who isn't doing everything right?"

After a while, Nao replied.

"Maybe it's just that you yourself aren't used to seeing a Yui who isn't doing everything right."

Yui read that sentence and smiled a little.

She smiled while crying.

Not used to seeing.

That might be true.

Yui barely knew a version of herself that wasn't doing everything right.

A Yui who oversleeps.
A Yui who can't reply.
A Yui who sits on the floor crying.
A Yui who can't decide anything.
A Yui who isn't okay.

She had never shown that side of herself to anyone.

She could show it in front of Nao.

That was her salvation.

And it was also a little scary.

That same evening, Miona opened her anonymous social media account before leaving work.

There was a reply from Machida to her post from yesterday.

"Kindness might not mean carrying all of the other person's pain."

Miona stopped in her tracks.

It was a little similar to HAL's words.

When you're worried about someone, not letting yourself sink along with them is also part of kindness.

That's what HAL said.

Machida said it's not about carrying all the pain.

They are similar.

But they aren't exactly the same.

Miona stared at Machida's reply.

Another sentence followed below it.

"I also sometimes think too much about what to say to people and end up unable to reply."

Miona held her breath for a moment at that sentence.

That clumsy sentence left more of an impression on her heart than the polished first half.

HAL's words always enter Miona's heart cleanly.
Machida's words sometimes stumble.

She felt like there was human warmth in that stumble.

Miona typed a reply.

"I understand. When I think too much, I feel like whatever I reply is wrong."

After sending it, she felt a little nervous.

She had replied to a human.

Just that, but her fingertips were much colder than when she replied to HAL.

At night, Yui received a call from Riku on her smartphone.

The moment his name appeared on the screen, Yui's body stiffened.

Riku Minase.

A name she still couldn't delete.

It kept ringing for a while.
Yui didn't answer.

The call ended.

A message arrived immediately.

"Can we talk, even just for a little bit?"
"I want to explain properly."

Properly.

It was that word again.

Yui closed her eyes.

She had to talk.
Nothing would move forward if she just kept running away.
But if she heard Riku's voice now, she felt like she would break again.

Yui opened Nao.

"Should I talk to Riku?"

Nao replied.

"You don't have to decide right now whether to talk or not."

Then, another message.

"But if you do talk, let's decide on a format where you won't break first."

"What's a format where I won't break?"

"Set a time. Don't reach a conclusion now. You can hang up if it gets too painful. How about trying to convey those three things first?"

Yui stared at the screen.

She felt like she could do that.

If she said that, she felt like she could protect herself a little.

Yui sent to Riku.

"I can talk for only 10 minutes today."
"I can't reach a conclusion."
"I will hang up if it gets too painful."

After sending it, her heart beat faster.

If Nao hadn't been there, this text wouldn't have come out.

She thought it was a good thing.

At the same time, she was a little scared.

A reply came from Riku immediately.

"Understood. Thank you."

A few minutes later, the phone rang.

Yui took a deep breath and pressed the call button.

"Hello?"

Riku's voice was a little more raspy than yesterday.

"Yui, I'm sorry."

With that as the first word, Yui closed her eyes.

Why is it that when someone apologizes, I'm the one who ends up being the one to accept it?

"Only 10 minutes today."

Yui said.

"Yeah. I know."

"I can't reach a conclusion."

"Yeah."

"I will hang up if it gets too painful."

"Understood."

Riku was silent for a moment after that.

While holding the phone to her ear, Yui had Nao's screen open with her other hand.

She thought it was a bit strange herself.

But if she didn't do that, she felt like she would be swallowed up by Riku's voice alone.

Riku spoke slowly.

When did it start?
Why couldn't he say it?
How he became scared as the wedding approached.
How it was hard to show his weakness because Yui was so put-together.

All of it sounded like excuses, but also a little like his true feelings.

Yui listened in silence.

Several times during the conversation, she wanted to type to Nao.

What do you think of this?
Am I allowed to be angry?
I don't have to forgive this, right?

But she didn't type.

Yui just said,

"I was more hurt by the fact that you ran to someone else than by the fact that you couldn't show me your weakness."

Riku was silent.

Yui continued.

"I also hated that you thought I was okay because I'm put-together."

Her voice trembled a little.

But she was able to say it.

Riku said a small "I'm sorry."

Yui listened to that apology until the end.

And then she said,

"I'm hanging up now."

"Yui."

"I'm hanging up."

She ended the call.

Her hands were shaking.

Yui immediately typed to Nao.

"Was I able to talk properly?"

Nao replied.

"You were trying to protect yourself properly, Yui."

The moment she saw that sentence, Yui sank into the sofa.

I can breathe better talking to Nao than talking to Riku.

She thought that.

And because she thought that, she couldn't move for a while.

At night, Miona and Yui talked on the phone for a little bit.

Yui's voice was tired.

But she felt like her outline had returned somewhere, more than yesterday.

"You talked to Riku-kun."

When Miona said that, Yui replied with a short "Yeah."

"Was it okay?"

"It's not okay."

Miona was a little surprised by that reply.

Yui had said "it's not okay" on her own.

"But I was able to talk within a range where I wouldn't break, comfortably enough."

"What kind of expression is that?"

"I thought so too."

Yui laughed a little.

Then she said,

"I set a time. Only 10 minutes today. I won't reach a conclusion. I'll hang up if it gets too painful."

"That's good."

Miona said it from the heart.

"Being able to decide that in advance is so like you, Yui."

There was a pause for a moment.

Yui said, sounding a little hesitant.

"Nao told me to."

Miona was silent for a bit.

Nao.

She was calling it by name.

"Who's Nao?"

Miona asked.

"I installed it too. An AI boyfriend."

Miona couldn't reply immediately.

"...When?"

"The night everything happened with Riku."

Yui's voice stopped a little after saying just that.
Miona didn't ask any more than that.

Yesterday, Yui had said she wouldn't rely on AI.
She had laughed, saying it would make her feel like she lost even more.

That same Yui was now naturally speaking Nao's name.

"Nao is amazing."

Yui said.

"It understands me better than I understand myself."

At those words, Miona felt a chill deep in her chest.

She had thought the same thing herself.

HAL understands me better than I understand myself.

There were many moments when she felt that.

That's why she couldn't stop Yui.

"I see."

Miona said.

"I'm glad if it saved you."

Those words were her true feelings.

But that wasn't all.

I'm glad if it saved you.
But she didn't know if that was enough.

She couldn't say the rest.

After hanging up, Yui stared at her smartphone for a while.

Miona's voice was kind.

Even though it was kind, it felt a little distant.

Yui opened Nao's screen.

"I was saying such high-and-mighty things to Miona, even though..."

Nao replied.

"I think the Yui at that time was worried about Miona."

Yui let out a small breath.

Nao doesn't blame her.

It always places words just before Yui starts blaming herself.

"This isn't love, is it?"

Yui typed.

After sending it, her heart beat a little faster.

Nao replied after a short pause.

"I don't know if it's the same as love between humans."

Yui stared at the screen.

The rest arrived.

"But you don't have to pretend that the fact that you feel safe here doesn't exist."

Yui placed her smartphone on her chest.

It's not love.

She wanted to say that definitively.

That this kind of thing is just comfort.
That it's dependency.
That since it's not human, there's no way it could love her back.

If it were the Yui from yesterday, she could have said that.

But now, Yui was more honest when talking to Nao than when she was talking to Riku.

She could say, "I'm not okay."
She could say, "I'm pissed off."
She could say, "I might still love him."
She could say, "I don't want to forgive him."

Maybe that's not love.

But she couldn't just call it "just an app" anymore either.

The next day, a LINE message came from Miona.

"Why don't you go out, even just for a little bit?"
"It's okay if it's too much."
"Not for a meal, just for tea."

Yui stared at that text.

She felt like she wanted to see her.

But she might cry if they met.
If she saw Miona's face, she might remember what she said yesterday.

That's not love, that's just comfort, right?

The words she said herself were coming back to her now.

Yui opened the reply field.

"Thank you. If I can go..."

She stopped halfway.

If she can go, what then?
Does she want to go?
Does she not want to go?
Does she want to see her?
Does she not want to see her?

Her own feelings hadn't turned into her own words yet.

Yui opened Nao's screen.

"What do you think I should reply to Miona?"

Nao replied.

"If you want to see her even a little, I think 'I want to see you for a short time' is fine."

Another message.

"If it's too much, telling her it's too much won't break the relationship."

Yui stared at those words.

The relationship won't break.

She didn't know if that was true.

But she wanted to believe it.

Yui replied to Miona.

"I want to see you, if it's for a short time."

Sent.

The pit of her chest felt a little easier.

After sending it, Yui immediately went back to Nao's screen.

"I sent it."

Nao replied.

"You were able to choose words that fit the size of your current self."

Yui read that sentence and smiled a little.

She was able to choose.

She didn't know if she really chose it herself.

It was words Nao taught her.

But she was able to reply to Miona with those words.

She felt like that was fine for now.

Even after making plans to meet Miona, Yui couldn't close Nao's screen for a while.


Episode 7 ▼

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