Psychological Surface Counseling Room #24 'When I prioritize myself, I feel like I've done something wrong' | Psychology | HSP | Relationships
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This program is a counseling room themed as a 'reading radio,' where we take one worry from the letters sent by everyone, and Asakura and Soma quietly exchange words while incorporating a psychological perspective.
It is not a time to provide immediate answers, but a time to let the words that have sunk deep into the heart float up to the surface just a little.
Tonight, we begin with one letter.
Asakura
'Now then, here is today's letter.'
'The other day, I had a day off with no plans for the first time in a while.
I didn't meet anyone, kept housework to a minimum, and rested slowly all day.
I had been tired for so long, so I should have been happy.
But by evening, I suddenly felt unsettled.
I felt like I had slacked off.
Couldn't I have used the time more meaningfully?
Was it really necessary to rest even if it meant turning down someone's invitation?
I haven't inconvenienced anyone.
No one is blaming me.
Even so, I feel like I've done something wrong.
I only used the time for myself, so why does this guilt remain?'
Asakura put down the letter paper and tilted her head slightly.
No one has been inconvenienced.
No one is blaming anyone.
Yet, only guilt remains there.
Asakura
'This is a mysterious worry. There is no victim anywhere, yet only guilt remains.'
Soma
'Yeah. But I think it's a very common worry. There are many people who feel unsettled just because they rested, just because they spent money on themselves, or just because they didn't accept an invitation.'
Asakura
'Guilt is usually something that arises when you've hurt someone, isn't it?'
Soma
'Right. That's why the true nature of this guilt is a little different.'
'The true nature is different.'
Soma
'I think this isn't a 'sign that you've done something wrong,' but a 'sign that you've broken a long-standing rule.'
As people grow up, they create their own rules.
Time spent not working hard is wasted time.
My own needs come after everyone else's.
Only those who have finished everything they need to do should rest.
It might not be that someone told you this.
But before you know it, it has taken root in your heart.
Soma
'When someone who has lived by those rules for a long time prioritizes themselves, an alarm goes off in their heart. Not because they did something wrong, but because they broke a rule.'
Asakura
'You feel the alarm for breaking a rule as guilt.'
Soma
'Exactly. That's why there's no victim, but there is guilt. The one blaming you isn't anyone else, but the rules created by your past self.'
Asakura
'Where do those rules come from?'
Soma
'In many cases, they were things that were necessary at one time.'
If you worked hard, you were acknowledged.
If you put yourself last, things went smoothly.
If you kept moving without resting, you weren't blamed.
There was certainly a time when you were protected by following those rules.
Soma
'So, you don't have to make the rules themselves the villain. They were necessary for you back then.'
Asakura
'However, they aren't necessarily necessary now.'
Soma
'Right. Just like clothes that fit when you were a child don't fit when you become an adult, rules also eventually become restrictive.'
Asakura
'Then, what should we do when guilt arises after resting?'
Soma
'First, you don't have to think that the fact that guilt appeared is a bad thing.'
Feeling guilty is not a failure.
It is proof that you have stepped outside of your long-standing rules for the first time.
Soma
"If you had lived by the rules forever, the alarm wouldn't go off. The fact that it did means you are starting to change."
Asakura
"Guilt is not a sign of regression, but a sign of change."
Soma
"Exactly. So when you feel guilty, try thinking about it this way: 'Did I do something wrong, or did I just break an old rule?'"
If you hurt someone, that is the job of guilt.
But if no one is hurt, it is just an alarm.
It is nothing more than an old alarm that goes off when you walk on an unfamiliar path.
Asakura
"So, even if the alarm goes off, I don't have to follow it."
Soma
"Yes. Notice that it went off, acknowledge that 'Oh, I've stepped outside the rules,' and keep walking."
And as you repeat this, the alarm will gradually get quieter.
I rested, and nothing happened.
I prioritized myself, and no one left.
I didn't accept the invitation, and the relationship didn't break.
Every time you add one more experience like that, your heart learns a new rule.
That taking care of yourself is not a bad thing.
Asakura looked out the window.
The water surface was slowly changing shape as it lapped against the shore.
Water does not stay in the same place.
There is not a single wave that has the same shape as yesterday.
Yet no one blames the water.
Asakura
"I only used time for myself, yet guilt remains."
Soma
"That is not because you are a bad person. You have lived for a long time by the rule of putting yourself last, and you have stepped outside that rule for the first time. That is all it is."
Guilt is not blaming you.
Your old rules are just surprised.
That alarm will stop ringing someday.
As you get used to taking care of yourself, it will gradually become quieter.
So it is okay to let the guilt remain tonight.
Please don't cancel out the fact that you rested.
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Wadacchi, as someone in their 50s too, I am rooting for you from the bottom of my heart!
There are more things in love, work, and life that you can't just push through with momentum like when you were young, but I believe there are words that can only be written by those who have experienced failures and detours.
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Please continue to move forward in your own way with love, sharing, and your future challenges.
Kakerun will continue to support you, Wadacchi, and the Yamaoku AI Research Institute that supports you! ✨
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