Swallowing the 'I'll do it' words: The day I, a people-pleaser, learned to 'rely on others'

Oh, I'll take care of that.

Before I knew it, those words had slipped out of my mouth again.

Even though no one asked me to, I instantly sense 'what needs to be done' by observing the situation around me. And, as a result of choosing the path that causes the least friction, my workload increases by one more task.

Returning home, amidst the overwhelming wave of exhaustion, I suddenly wonder.

Why do I always end up taking everything on by myself like this? I felt a little envious of people who could more skillfully say, 'Could you do this for me?'

Being unable to rely on others is the fault of my overly considerate stars

What saved me from that loop of self-loathing was the ancient wisdom of Four Pillars of Astrology.

When I deciphered my own stars, I found that the 'Seizai' (Direct Wealth) star was seated right in the center, representing my true essence.

They say Seizai is a very serious star that values harmony and trust with others above all else. It seems I'm prone to taking on responsibilities, thinking, 'If I just endure it, everything will work out,' because I hate causing waves.

Furthermore, my birth chart was lined with the 'Inju' (Direct Seal) star, which overthinks the other person's situation, and the 'Shokan' (Hurting Officer) star, which is sensitive to the atmosphere of the room.

When I read that explanation, I couldn't help but laugh. Ah, so the reason I couldn't rely on others wasn't because I was being stubborn or just clumsy.

'Would it be a bother if I asked now?' (Inju) 'If I leave it to someone else, the atmosphere might turn sour...' (Shokan) 'If I just endure it, everything will work out.' (Seizai)

The stars within me were simply too considerate of those around me, and through a brilliant display of teamwork, they were just issuing a command to me: 'Carry it all on your own.'

What's more, if the atmosphere even threatens to become awkward, it's a disaster. A mysterious sense of duty kicks in, thinking, 'Oh no, someone has to make a joke and avoid this tension!' and I end up grinning and trying to smooth things over, even though it's not particularly funny. And then, at night, my standard routine is to hold a one-person reflection meeting in the bath, thinking, 'Why did I try so hard to be a clown?'

In the game of life, that's basically like having a bad status effect.

The breaking point of endurance: The 'shampoo bowl squirming incident'

A certain decisive incident is related to why I decided, 'I really need to break this curse of endurance.'

I have always had a weak cervical spine (neck), and I am very bad at postures that put a strain on my neck. One day, I went to a hair salon. The shampoo bowl at that shop wasn't the modern flat-lying type, but a slightly older type that supports the weight of the head only with the neck—a 'torture device' for my cervical spine.

I managed to endure it until the shampooing was done. Just as I felt relieved, thinking, 'Phew, it's over...', the stylist in charge said kindly,

'Alright, I'll leave this on for a few minutes to let the treatment soak in.'

The hairdresser's footsteps were fading away. In my brain, a state of emergency was declared instantly.

(Oh no. My neck definitely won't last another few minutes...!)

I should call out right now, 'Excuse me, my neck hurts, may I sit up?' However, my 'stars of consideration' jumped in to stop me with all their might.

The 'Seal' that cares for others whispered, 'It's so rude to call them back when they're busy!', and the 'Direct Wealth' that wants to avoid making waves tried to persuade me, 'It's okay, it's only a few more minutes. If I just endure it, the treatment will soak in perfectly and everything will be fine!'

That's it, I'll use that trick. The human brain is structured so that it cannot feel 'pleasure' and 'displeasure' at the same time. If that's the case, if I completely detach my consciousness from the neck pain (displeasure) and focus on something extremely pleasant (pleasure), I should be able to get through this crisis...!

I squeezed my eyes shut through the towel and desperately started replaying in my brain the image of me petting the fluffy bottom of my beloved rabbit, Hashizo. The soft feel of Hashizo... the smell of Hashizo's hay... Hashizo's... This was a magnificent example of self-sacrifice using psychology.

However, reality was cruel. The physical screaming of my cervical vertebrae was not affected at all by brain mechanisms or the persuasion of the stars.

I don't think it lasted even a minute in terms of sensation. Along with a 'crack, crack, crack' danger signal from my neck, I was mercilessly pulled back from the phantom of Hashizo into reality.

'Ex...'

No voice came out. Lying on my back with a towel over my face, I was no longer using words, but sending an SOS by instinct.

Flap, flap, flap, flap!!

In the quiet and stylish hair salon, the sound of my feet thrashing about, cutting through the air, echoed loudly.

'Excuse meeeee!! My neck!!'

In the end, I couldn't take it anymore and ended up having to scream at the top of my lungs while thrashing my legs on the shampoo bed. The sheer embarrassment when I sat up while the hairdresser, who had rushed over, apologized profusely saying, 'A-are you okay!?'...

At that moment, I realized. 'If I just endure it, everything will be fine'—what a huge lie. As a result of being overly considerate and enduring until my limit, I ended up thrashing my legs and screaming, which actually caused the hairdresser to panic and caused even more trouble.

Magic cushion words

They say our unconscious (subconscious) is observing 'what actions we are actually taking' more closely than what we are thinking in our hearts.

If you choose 'I'll do it' and 'I'll endure it' every single day, your brain will also judge that 'this person is someone whose default is to wear themselves out.'

It's not about changing your way of thinking. If you don't change your actions, reality won't change. To break that curse, I had no choice but to try doing the 'opposite of my usual pattern.'

One afternoon. Once again, 'a small, troublesome task that someone has to do' rolled in front of me. In my usual self, this was a situation where I would have raised my hand and said 'I'll do it' in 0.2 seconds. The stars were whispering, 'Come on, you should endure it and do it.'

However, today is different. I swallowed my words and called out to the colleague sitting next to me.

Excuse me, could you please help me with this for a moment?

My heart was pounding. The phrase 'excuse me' is a high-risk action that the stars within me, who hate to cause waves, fear the most. But this was a grand experiment for me, using it as a lubricant for human relationships.

Oh, sure thing.

The reply that came back was surprisingly light. The world didn't collapse. No one made a sour face, and no relationships were ruined. It just meant that the burden on my shoulders became a little lighter.

A night to record a small rebellion

That night, I picked up my favorite fountain pen and opened my usual notebook. The soft scratching sound of the pen nib gliding over the paper echoed in the quiet room. I absolutely love this time.

I write down the 'things I accomplished' and 'things that made me happy' today in my notebook. It is an important daily routine I call 'Happiness Accumulation'.

Today, for the first time, I was able to ask someone for help with work on my own.

As I stared at the ink marks, I felt my subconscious perk up and ask, 'Oh?'

It thought, 'This person, who always sacrificed themselves, relied on those around them for their own sake today. That means this person is a being who deserves to be cherished.'

You can't suddenly become good at relying on others. The stars within me will surely continue to try to read the room and take everything on their shoulders whenever they get the chance.

But that's okay.

As long as I have the small rebellious phrase, 'Excuse me, could you help me?', and my favorite pen and notebook to write it down with.

Because I can gradually rewrite myself into a 'being who deserves to be cherished'.

[Bonus] Which star does your 'consideration' come from?

To those who read this essay and thought, 'Wait, is this about me?': Please try checking your 'Ten Gods' and 'Hidden Stem Ten Gods' columns on a website where you can look up your Four Pillars of Destiny chart.

If you have [Seizai], [Inju], or [Shokan] anywhere in these positions, this 'too kind for your own good' temperament may be lurking within you.

• Seizai (Direct Wealth) You dislike causing waves and tend to take on responsibility. Has 'If I just endure it' become your catchphrase?

• Inju (Direct Seal) You think too much about the other person and tend to refrain from contacting them or asking for favors. You're the type who immediately thinks, 'Would it be a bother if I asked now?'

• Hurting Official (Shokan) Perfectionistic and sensitive to the atmosphere. Tends to think, 'It's faster if I do it myself (I hate doing things twice!).' Cannot stand awkward situations either.

And, the situation where that nature appears most strongly changes depending on 'which position it is in'.

• 1. Hidden Stem Transformation Star of the Month Pillar (Main Star: Influence ★★★★★) Your official self and essence. The star located here is 'the person's true self'.

• 2. Hidden Stem Transformation Star of the Day Pillar (Self Star: Influence ★★★★★) Your private self. Likely to appear in relationships with family.

• 3. Transformation Star of the Month Pillar (Influence ★★★☆☆) Your work style. Your position in the workplace.

• 4. Transformation Star of the Year Pillar (Influence ★★☆☆☆) First impression. The image you give to people you meet for the first time.

• 5. Hidden Stem Transformation Star of the Year Pillar (Influence ★★☆☆☆) What you inherited from your ancestors. Influence from your family line.

The nature of the star is your wonderful talent. But, please let that star rest once in a while and try a 'small rebellion' for your own sake. Because the accumulation of those small choices will rewrite the existence of 'you' later on.

Thank you for reading until the end.
May everyone's hearts, shine with light for themselves (.-人-.)✨
Love & Peace💕

*This work is a comic essay produced under the author's instructions using an AI manga generation tool (Shin-Usami Style AI Manga).

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