The Making of a "Mountain Moon" Poem: A Record of Waka Refinement
Following the receipt of the 1300th Anniversary of the Compilation of the Kojiki Award at the Oki Emperor Gotoba-in Waka Grand Prize, I, Waka Kajima, joined the Reizei Family Shiguretei Library.
(Articles related to the Grand Prize are serialized here).
In addition to a corner in their quarterly newsletter for submitting waka on assigned themes, there are also opportunities to submit and dedicate poems on specified themes for various memorial services.
While there does not seem to be any formal selection process by an editor for these, I will publish my submitted poems and the process of refinement leading up to their final form here on note.
I hope this serves as a reference or inspiration for those who compose waka themselves,
and even if you are not a poet, I hope those interested in the process of how a poet composes and refines a poem will enjoy this.
The Making of a "Mountain Moon" Poem: A Record of Waka Refinement
Mountain Moon: Submitted Poem
The sound of cloth being beaten makes the clarity deepen, the moon on the mountain ridge that does not even hide itself. - Waka Kajima
It seems that reader-submitted poems for "Shiguretei" are written without dakuten (voicing marks), so
while this is not strictly a "Shiguretei" reader submission, I have written it without dakuten.
General Refinement Process
・Read through precedents of poems composed on the theme of "Mountain Moon" in various fixed-theme collections
・Grasp the vocabulary and utamakura (poetic pillows) that should be used for the "Mountain Moon" theme
・Compose poems without worrying about perfection, compose as many as possible
・Repeat the process of refinement and deletion
Stage 1
The wind that brushes away the clouds begins to blow, and the moon appears and hides on the mountain ridge.
It has cleared up, the lingering clouds have thinned, and the mountain wind is clear on this autumn night's moon.
How many nights have passed since I left the capital on a grass pillow, now the moon of Sarashina has come out.
The sound of cloth being beaten makes the clarity deepen, the moon on the mountain ridge that does not even hide itself.
The barrier guard has no way to stop the moon from entering, the moon has tilted over Mt. Fuwa.
Adding to the resentment of the moon that will not come out, the voice of the stag echoes on the mountain peak.
The clouds have cleared, beginning to see the mountain pine wind, the moonlight comes out with the faint sound of a deer.
It has grown late, the wind that weakens the sound of insects has passed, and the moon on the mountain ridge comes out between the clouds.
It has grown late, on the roadside where even the dogs are silent, the moon of the autumn night shines clearly.
I am not satisfied, even if I spend the whole night watching the moon circle and tilt.
The clustered clouds thin and trail in the pine wind, the moonlight comes out in a light I cannot get enough of.
I struggle with whether or not to include specific utamakura.
Stage 2
The wind that brushes away the clouds begins to blow, and the moonlight comes out, appearing and hiding on the mountain ridge.
It has cleared up, the lingering clouds have thinned, and the mountain wind is clear on this autumn night's moon.
How many nights have I slept on a grass pillow since leaving the capital, now the moonlight of Mt. Obasute.
The sound of cloth being beaten makes the clarity deepen, the moon on the mountain ridge that does not even hide itself.
The barrier guard has no way to stop the moon from entering, the moon has tilted over Mt. Fuwa.
Adding to the resentment of the moon that will not come out, the voice of the stag echoes on the mountain peak.
The clouds have cleared, beginning to see the mountain pine wind, the moonlight comes out with the faint sound of a deer.
It has grown late, the wind that weakens the sound of insects has passed, and the moon on the mountain ridge comes out between the clouds.
It has grown late, on the roadside where even the dogs are silent, the moon of the autumn night shines clearly.
I am not satisfied, even if I spend the whole night watching the moon circle and tilt.
The wind blows and the clustered clouds thin on the peak's pines, the moonlight comes out in a light I cannot get enough of.
Stage 3
The wind that clears the clouds begins to rise, and the moonlight appears and disappears at the edge of the mountain.
It has cleared, and the lingering clouds have thinned; the mountain wind is pure on this autumn night's moon.
The sound of beating cloth makes it clearer, the moon at the mountain's edge that does not hide away.
The clouds have cleared, the mountain pine wind begins to show it, and the deer's cry is faint as the moonlight emerges.
It has grown late, the insect sounds weaken as the wind passes, and the moon at the mountain's edge emerges from between the clouds.
The clustered clouds are thin on the peak's pines, the wind blows, and the moonlight emerges in a light that never tires.
I have begun to trim it down.
Stage 4
The sound of beating cloth makes it clearer, the moon at the mountain's edge that does not hide away.
The clouds have cleared, the mountain pine wind begins to show it, and the deer's cry is faint as the moonlight emerges.
It has grown late, the insect sounds weaken as the wind passes, and the moon at the mountain's edge emerges from between the clouds.
The clustered clouds are thin on the peak's pines, the wind blows, and the moonlight emerges in a light that never tires.
Once more, Mountain Moon submission poem
The sound of beating cloth makes it clearer, the moon at the mountain's edge that does not hide away. - Waka Kajima
I hope this will be helpful to those who compose waka.
A Record of Waka Refinement
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