The Making of a "Lan" (Orchid) Poem: A Record of Waka Revision
Taking the opportunity of receiving the Kojiki 1300th Anniversary Grand Prize at the Oki Gotoba-in Waka Grand Prize, I, Waka Kajima, joined the Reizei Family Shiguretei Library.
(Articles related to the Grand Prize are serialized here.)
There is a section in their quarterly newsletter where members can submit waka poems on a given theme.
My fourth submission has also successfully passed the selection process and has been published, so I will share the published poem, the submitted poem, and the process of revision leading up to that form here on note.
I hope this will serve as a reference or inspiration for those who write waka themselves,
and even if you are not a poet, I hope those who are interested in the process of how a poet composes and revises a poem will enjoy it.
The Making of a "Lan" (Orchid) Poem: A Record of Waka Revision
The theme is "Lan" (Orchid), but it refers to the "Fujibakama" (Eupatorium/Thoroughwort).
Poem published in the newsletter "Shiguretei"
Kitemireba hokorobinurashi fujibakama kiri tatsu nobe ni niou akikaze - Waka Kajima
It seems that reader submissions for "Shiguretei" are written without dakuten (voicing marks), so I have also written and submitted mine without them.
General revision process
・Read the commentary by Professor Kimiko Reizei provided with the announcement of the theme.
・Read precedents of "Lan" poems in various fixed-number poem collections.
・Grasp the words that should be used for the "Lan" theme and frequently occurring kakekotoba (pivot words).
・Compose poems without worrying about perfection, compose as many as possible.
・Repeat revision and deletion.
Stage 1
Wagimoko ga susono ni tsuyu no kaze fukite hokorobi hatsuru fujibakama kana
Sakini keri tsuyu no kagoto no fujibakama kiri tachi kakusu aki no nose ni
Kitemireba ta ga nugiokishi shiratsuyu mo wasuregatami no fujibakama kana
Kitenureshi ta ga utsuriga zo obotsukana nose ni niou fujibakama kana
Nowaki tatsu yube no nobe ni fujibakama ta ga nugisutete hokorobinuran
Murasame no nagori ni tsuyu o somenashite hokorobi hatsuru fujibakama kana
Wagimoko ga susono ni musubu shiratsuyu no koborete niou fujibakama kana
Kitemireba hokorobinurashi fujibakama kiri tatsu nobe ni niou akikaze
Nugikakeshi ta ga nokoriga ni fujibakama hokorobi wataru nohara shinohara
・Use words related to clothing.
・Compose by asking whose it is.
・Compose about the scent.
I composed based on these points.
Stage 2
As the dew-laden wind crosses the foothills of my beloved, the thoroughwort begins to bloom.
It has bloomed, the master is white dew, the thoroughwort, in the autumn field where mist rises and hides.
Whose lingering scent is this that I have come to know? I wonder, the thoroughwort scenting the field.
On the evening field where the autumn gale blows, whose thoroughwort has been cast off and begun to bloom?
Staining the dew with the remnants of a passing shower, the thoroughwort begins to bloom.
The white dew gathered at the foothills of my beloved spills over, scenting the thoroughwort.
Coming to see, it seems the thoroughwort has bloomed, scenting the autumn wind in the mist-covered field.
In whose lingering scent, cast off, does the thoroughwort bloom across the field and bamboo grove?
Deleted one poem, made minor adjustments.
Stage 3
On the evening field where the autumn gale blows, whose thoroughwort has been cast off and begun to bloom?
Staining the dew with the remnants of a passing shower, the thoroughwort begins to bloom.
The white dew gathered at the foothills of my beloved spills over, scenting the thoroughwort.
Coming to see, it seems the thoroughwort has bloomed, scenting the autumn wind in the mist-covered field.
In whose lingering scent, cast off, does the thoroughwort bloom across the autumn field?
While making minor adjustments, I began to narrow them down.
And then...
Poems submitted to the newsletter 'Shikuretei'
Coming to see, it seems the thoroughwort has bloomed, scenting the autumn wind in the mist-covered field.
In whose lingering scent, cast off, does the thoroughwort bloom across the autumn field?
I removed the dakuten (voicing marks) and submitted these two poems.
And, the one that successfully passed the selection was,
Once again, the poem published in the newsletter 'Shikuretei'
Coming to see, it seems the thoroughwort has bloomed, scenting the autumn wind in the mist-covered field. - Waka Kajima
October 2023 'Orchid' poem
Autumn has begun and it seems to have grown accustomed to the wind | Without a master, the thoroughwort in the field begins to bloom. - Waka Kajima
'Horikawa Hyakushu' challenge This is something I composed in 2023. It is a topic I do not usually compose on, so it is not very polished.
For your reference.
I hope this is helpful for those who compose waka.
A Record of Waka Refinement
Participate in Waka Stories
For Waka Kajima, who lives by going all-in on waka, to continue creating, studying, and sharing waka without incident, I would be grateful if those who have the means could share their support with me;
I would certainly be delighted, and I am convinced that it would also be a joyous thing for the future of Japan and the world.
“Watching this reckless way of life gives me courage.”
“There is hope in a future where such a straightforward person can live safely and healthily.”
“By supporting this person, it feels like a bright future for the humanities will be realized.”
For those who think things like this and have the means, I would like to humbly ask for your support.
Thanks to the support of readers through tips on note,memberships, and various other forms, Waka Kajima exists today. Thank you.
In particular, in 2023 (Reiwa 5), I received the Kojiki Compilation 1300th Anniversary Grand Prize at theOki Gotoba-in Waka Grand Prize, and because I signed up for the tournament tour including the awards ceremony, I had to raise the tour fee (nearly 90,000 yen) and travel expenses separately from my living expenses.
Thanks to everyone's support, I was able to participate in that tour safely.
Also, the following year, I received the Jonangu Toba-dono Award and went on this awards ceremony tour as well.
Everything was made possible only through your financial support. Once again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Of course, I am also very happy to have your support in spirit.
Each and every one of these acts of support expands my capacity and leads to me returning better waka work to the world.
For both Reiwa 5 and 6, the state of the tours isbeing serialized in this magazine. Please look forward to the updates.
Let us continue to enjoy the work of making the world beautiful in our respective domains.
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