[Hey! English Essay] Toilet Stories Part 3: Episodes 1 & 2
Life in the UK is never short of toilet-related episodes.
I'm sure you all have at least one memorable story about toilets, too. To free up some space in my limited brain capacity, I'm going to release these from my long-term memory storage.
Prologue ⇒Here
How to choose a toilet ⇒Here
1. A heartwarming story in a train toilet
This happened about 20 years ago. At the time, I was staying in a city in Northern England as an international student. Since there wasn't much to do there, I would take the train to visit nearby large towns and tourist spots.
The trains back then ran on diesel engines and made a loud noise. It feels nostalgic now, but the doors to the carriages opened outwards, and the unspoken rule was that the person getting off would lower the window (manually) and turn the handle on the outside when the train stopped. I wasn't very tall, and my arms were short. Even if I stretched desperately to reach the handle, I couldn't reach it, so usually the person behind me or someone on the platform would lend a hand.
That was a long introduction, but now about the toilets!
There was usually one toilet for every few carriages. Even back then, the UK had an environment where wheelchair users could use trains without difficulty, so there were, of course, toilets for people with disabilities. The doors weren't manual; they had open/close buttons that you would press. The door would then slowly open automatically, allowing you to enter in a wheelchair.
Train toilets that are almost always broken
The problem here is that in the UK, there is a very high probability that train toilets are broken or clogged. Unfortunately, I haven't ridden trains much in the last 10 years, so I can't even guess the percentage, but I remember that 80% of the toilets had issues back then (it might have been the region, too). When this happens, people flock to the toilets that aren't broken, and if you're traveling a long distance, a line forms.
It's free
I will never forget this. I was about twenty years old at the time. In front of me were two lovely gray-haired elderly ladies waiting in line. They were chatting and seemed to be having a great time. After waiting for a while, I realized something.
“Oh, it's not locked, so it's free”
That train was no exception, and since most of the toilets were broken, the one that wasn't broken—the large one with the automatic door that people with disabilities could also use—was crowded.
“Excuse me. The lock light isn't on, so it's free”
I mustered up my limited English to tell them, and they laughed, saying, “Oh, you're right!” and immediately pressed the “Open” button.
Then, the elderly ladies were laughing, saying, “Oh my! Hehehehe”“Sorry”was all that could be heard, and the door slowly closed again.
Cute elderly ladies
It was in my blind spot, but apparently there was a young man inside. The man who came out looked to be in his late teens. His face was bright red, and he said “sorry” again. The two elderly ladies were laughing out loud, saying, “It's okay! I got to see something good!”
“To think that such an accident could be so heartwarming—Britain is amazing!” was my honest impression, and in a way, it was a culture shock. Both the boy's reaction and the elderly ladies' witty comeback.
The key to the automatic door system is that there is an open/close button inside, but there is another “Lock (key icon)” button below that, and if you don't press it, the door won't lock.
I often see people forgetting this, so please be careful, everyone.
This small accident became a memorable episode for me regarding toilets. (It sounds pretty silly when I write it down, doesn't it?)
2. Panic in the student dormitory toilet
This is one of the most intense episodes of my life.
I lived in a dormitory as an international student. The dormitory was U-shaped, and I think there were about 12–15 people per floor in each of the 3 buildings (so about 36–45 people?).
Each straight section of the U-shape (it's hard to explain) had its own kitchen, and at the corners, there was a step about one level high where you could move to the next building. The toilets and showers were shared. There were 4 toilets and 3 showers. They were in the middle building of the U-shape. There were about 3 rooms in front of that shower/toilet room, and I also remember there were two friendly Indian students (the doors to their rooms were always open, they would go back and forth between each other's rooms, and Indian music was always playing; it was a very different world, but they were nice people).
Routine
Regarding this dormitory, based on what I mentioned above, you might think it would be quite crowded, but it never got crowded at night.
This is because there were many undergraduates—British and European students—so rather than showering at night, the morning rush was terrible.
When I went at night, usually the two Indian students were in there together side-by-side (for some reason they used the toilets at the same time too... haha), or just a Chinese or Japanese student, so there was always at least one free. This night-owl shower routine can have its perks depending on where you study abroad.
Something that happened one night
One day, it was still around 9:00 PM. There was the sound of a door being flung open violently and the voices of several girls and boys laughing hysterically. It echoed through the narrow hallway, and I could tell they were making a huge commotion in the kitchen. A boy was knocking on doors while shouting something in English. I was scared, so I decided to ignore it. Then, it became quiet again.
In the middle of the night, I woke up. I felt an unusual urge to go to the bathroom, so I put on my black "COMME ÇA DU MODE" sandals, which I took great care of, and headed to the toilet. The hallway light was always on.
I pushed the entrance door open and went in. I entered the toilet on the left. I did my business. And then I came back out. That was when it happened.
The God of Poop
I felt a definite sensation of stepping on something soft. With sleepy eyes, I took off the sandal to look at the bottom. "
Hmm... it's brown..."I truly couldn't believe it, but I observed it quietly. It was still warm. Soft. And above all, it smelled. Then I thought, "
Ah, a dog must have gotten in" and held my breath. There was no sound. In the first place, there are almost no stray dogs in the UK, and it would be a huge problem if one were inside the dormitory. And if I actually encountered a stray dog, that would be even scarier.
Then, my thoughts became increasingly clear. First, who did it and when, and why didn't I notice it when I went in? The only way to explain this is that there must be some God of Poop who perfectly matched my stride and timing to make me step in it. An unbelievable golden rule. It certainly didn't happen while I was using the toilet; it was there before that. Plus, it wasn't that long ago!!
That was when I first let out a sharp laugh, "hahahaha." I think when something truly unbelievable happens, people become terrifyingly calm and find it funny. With the dirty sandal in my hand, I went back to the toilet, wiped off the bottom to some extent, and left the scene, thinking, "I'll use this as material for a story someday..."
Speculation
I'm sure it was a drunk dorm student or their guest who did it. I think they did it right at the entrance, enjoying the "risk of being caught." Of course, I also considered the theory that they thought it was a toilet, but if that were the case, they would have noticed something while "wiping" or "flushing," or they would have soiled themselves and the hallway carpet... The poop was just sitting there neatly, so my assessment is that it was likely a planned act.
Summary
Both of these episodes are from my university days. I would like to hope that through the COVID-19 pandemic, the hygiene standards of university dorms and the behavior of students themselves have improved (one can hope), but when you enter a university dorm, you are randomly paired with someone (unless you have made prior arrangements). Living with someone whose hygiene and lifestyle standards don't match yours can make life quite difficult. For those whose children are going to study abroad, it might be a good idea to look for flatmates in advance or consider living alone, depending on the location.
※ While writing this, I remembered a story about an international student who felt so much "shame" over a piece of waste that wouldn't flush that they met a tragic end, so I would like to add that to my episodes later. (My long-term memory storage seems to be full of rubbish...)