Question 1589: Is there no choice but to ignore a coach who keeps giving advice? (Subtitle: The reason why annoying people appear before you. It is training to raise your self-esteem)

▶The inseparable correlation between frustration and self-esteem

To conclude, the answer is torespect the coach.

This is training to practice raising your self-esteem.

It would be best if you couldjust let it slidewithout paying it any mind, but in this case, ignoring them while feeling frustrated is not the best strategy.

Because it could end up being disrespectful.

The more frustrated you get, the more you damage your self-esteem.

In other words,when your self-esteem is low, you tend to get frustrated easily.

Do people with low self-esteem seem laid-back?

No, because they feel humiliated when their opinions are denied, they are actually frustrated inside all the time.

▶"It's completely different depending on the coach!?" Common school occurrences that lead to confusion

Coaches also have their own circumstances.

That isthe fate determined by his or her karma, having grown up in a different environment, so it cannot be helped.

The coach might not want to say things that annoy you either, but (regardless of whether it is correct or not),they might be forced to coach according to the school's teaching policy.

If the teaching methods are inconsistent, it could end up beingCoach A and Coach B as described here (though this is a "common school occurrence").

▶Accepting that "coaches have their own circumstances"

No, the school's teaching policy actually has nothing to do with it, andin most cases, the coach is just stating their impressions (form) based on a superficial thought they had on the spot.

Why does the coach make such comments?

Because they want you to get better?

Because it is their job?

A need for approval? (← Common among 'teaching demons'!)

Yes, whatever circumstances they may have are beyond our knowledge.

That is because it is a matter within the other person's domain.

Therefore, I cannot say for sure whether their claims about 'the school's teaching policy' are actually correct.

Even so, if you yourselfunilaterally accept that 'the coach also has their own circumstances,' that is enough to start withfor now.

▶ The true nature of the 'mechanism' that brings out ability

Whether Sasaki Kojiro was truly a person of great character or just a petty individual is irrelevant here.

In reality, he might have been a 'petty person' who nitpicked about being late before the final duel.

That 'doesn't matter either way.'

What is important ishow Miyamoto Musashi feels.

The 'mechanism of performance' is that Musashi's 'way of being,' which respects Kojiro, raises his self-esteem and brings out his performance (Related article: 'King of Self-Esteem').

▶ Even if you spill the entire cesspool...

In Zen, it is understood thateverything in daily life is training.

Accept that even people who say or do unpleasant things have some kind of 'circumstances'.

To put it simply,even if it is at a criminal level, there were some 'circumstances' that forced them to act that way due to the environment in which they were raised (Related article: 'Even if a sin is a sin, do not hate the person—the 'most important point' for understanding self-esteem').

When Tetsuko Kuroyanagi was a child, she committed the 'incident' of spilling an entire cesspool, but her homeroom teacher at the time, Sosaku Kobayashi, did not blame her at all (Related article: 'The Pinnacle of Self-Esteem Education: 'Tomoe Gakuen' (Series Part 4)').

In 'Totto-chan: The Little Girl at the Window,' too, therewere circumstances.

▶ If possible, I wanted to live happily

No one is born into this world wanting to commit crimes.

If possible, they wanted to live happily.

They were unable to do so in this life, and there weresome kind of 'circumstances'.

The 'this life' referred to here means the here and now, this very moment.

Since we are reborn in the very next moment, we can start over as many times as we like (Related article "The dream Hakone Ekiden, I'm running it right now!").

▶ A different self today than yesterday

Your feelings, mood, and temperament are different today than they were yesterday, aren't they?

At the level of quantum mechanics, your physiological state changes with every breath.

Your thoughts and emotions are completely different now than they were just a moment ago.

All things are impermanent.

We are being reborn in this very moment.

This is the essence of reincarnation.

▶ If you endure, your self-esteem will plummet

A crime?

Do you think I'm jumping to conclusions?

No, no matter how terrible a person may subjectively seem, everyone has their own 'circumstances' that made them have to act or speak that way.

Accept them as they are and forgive them (for the discussion on how 'forgiving' is not condescending, see here (Related article "The tactic of 'forgiving' makes you feel 'at ease'").

However, do not force yourself to forgive.

If you do that, you will feel like you are 'enduring' it, and that is exactly what causes your self-esteem to plummet. *2

Because they had circumstances that forced them to act that way, you accept that he or she could not help it, rather than enduring it (Related article "Bonus 4: The '5 practical characters' that raise self-esteem by Sanma Akashiya").

▶ The more you try to change people, the more relationships become strained

As you continue this training, your own self-esteem will steadily increase.

What does this have to do with a coach's annoying advice?

It has everything to do with it.

It is often said, but the fundamental principle is that 'you cannot change people'.

Even if you force someone to follow what you say, that does not mean they have truly changed.

If you try to change a coach who loves giving advice (or a spouse, partner, etc.), it may actually lead to a disadvantageous position for yourself later.

If you try to force a change, the resulting resentment usually makes the other person's behavior even worse (Related article: "You don't have to get along. It doesn't matter if you are disliked"). *3

▶ Self-esteem was the best coach

If you remain persistent and never lose respect, people will change.

The coach, and you, and no one else.

That means that no matter how much of a know-it-all the coach is, they will stop saying things to you.

That means you will clearly look like a good tennis player to those around you, and they will stop having things to say.

Why does tennis improve when self-esteem increases?

Because tennis is a mental sport.

▶ Regarding *1: Why I criticize conventional tennis instruction

The reason Tennis Zero gives a little criticism of conventional tennis instruction is precisely because I unilaterally respect conventional tennis instruction (Related article: "You can learn from anything").

▶ Regarding *2: "Just put up with it!" is the worst kind of discipline

People who endure have a correlation with lower self-esteem.

If your self-esteem is low, you endure things, which makes you even more frustrated.

This is because you start to feel that "it is selfish to express my own needs."

Therefore, discipline like "Just put up with something like that!" becomes an imposition that assumes, "You have no value!"

▶ Regarding *3: Advice should be "handled with care"

If you look at it from a different perspective, even if the advice you give is meant well and expressed as "you should do this," it contains at least some nuance of denying the other person's current state. Therefore, whether it is a close spouse or a partner, no matter who the other person is, it is something to be handled with care (Related article: "Advice is (not fun)").

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