Relationships Nurtured by Listening "Well" ~Valuing Humility~

Hello everyone!

How are you spending this Golden Week with its beautiful weather?
There are so many ways to spend it, whether you are going out, visiting your hometown, relaxing at home, or even working.

In any case, I thought that this period involves sharing time with others as much as, or perhaps even more than, usual, so I decided to make relationships with others my theme!

I would be happy if this article could serve as a catalyst for deepening better relationships, so please enjoy it.

As you all know, it has been mentioned time and again in various media that "listening" is important for building relationships with others.

So, what kind of listening is "good"?

Actually, I recently came across a paper on humility—a strength that is key to building good relationships with others, which is my research theme—that touched on the importance of listening, so I would like to introduce a few points.
*If you are interested in humility, please enjoy the article below!

First, regarding humility, it can be broadly divided into two elements.

The first is the "interpersonal (involving interaction with others) element."
This can be rephrased as other-orientedness, which means acknowledging the good points of others without feelings of superiority or inferiority, and caring about their well-being.

The second is the "intrapersonal element."
This element includes acknowledging one's own good points and limitations, and recognizing the possibility that one's own thoughts or opinions might be wrong.
*Regarding "acknowledging limitations," this does not mean not growing, but rather has the nuance of "knowing your current location." By knowing where you are now, it becomes easier to think about how to grow from here.

A state where these two elements are balanced, without being biased toward one side, represents "humility."

And this humility has the effect of improving all interpersonal relationships; for example, it is considered a strength that acts effectively in various life situations, such as relationships with partners, relationships between bosses and subordinates, relationships between teachers and students, and parent-child relationships.

So, based on the humility described above, what kind of listening can be considered "good"?

There are many elements, but this time I will introduce three points that I feel are particularly important!

① Being non-judgmental
This does not simply mean not denying or criticizing what the other person says. It is true that denying or criticizing makes it difficult for the other person to talk, so you should be careful, but here, let's think together about "why you want to deny or criticize."

What is useful in such times is to return to the meaning of the words.
Let's start by looking at what the word "judge" means.

"Judge" has the meaning of 'forming an opinion or thought about a certain thing or person based on the information one possesses'.

When listening to someone talk, don't you almost automatically think, "Isn't this like...?" or "Why don't they just do...?"?
This is very natural, and because each person has different experiences, various thoughts come to mind.

What I would like you to remember at such times are the two elements of humility.

It is natural to have thoughts while listening to someone talk, butwould conveying them directly to the other person lead to caring about their well-being? How about the possibility that your own thoughts might be wrong?

It requires a bit of conscious effort, but it is good to be able to pause and notice yourself when various thoughts are coming to mind.

While keeping this awareness in mind, let's look at the second point.

② Being empathetic
Empathy here means "trying to understand/trying to think from the other person's perspective"is.

This is a phrase I introduced in a previous article on empathy, but I think it will be helpful here as well, so I will share it again.

“Walking a mile in another’s shoes.”
Literal translation: To walk a mile in another person's shoes.

This phrase is said to express the roots of empathy, but don't you think that having this awareness leads directly to embodying humility?

Try to walk a little in the other person's shoes, viewing the scenery from their perspective, to understand how they feel, what they think, and what they are experiencing.

Having this awareness leads to caring for the other person, which allows you to maintain the non-judgmental attitude mentioned earlier.

And, as you can imagine,when the other person feels that they are being engaged with empathetically, it has a positive impact on their well-being.is also something you can imagine.

While keeping points ① and ② in mind, let's look at the final element!

③ Respecting the other person
This element is absolutely essential.
By maintaining an awareness and attitude of respecting the other person, they gain a "sense of being valued," which boosts their self-esteem.

I also learned coaching and experienced the role of the client, and I remember that when I felt "valued" by the other person (the coach), I experienced very positive emotions and felt a strong desire to talk.

And,the experience of being "respected" by someone leads to the awareness of respecting someone else next,so it is also a major point that it becomes a catalyst for spreading a warm circle.

I have shared the elements that the listener should value, but it is also important to note that the burden does not fall solely on the listener.

That is becausea warm interaction is created.

With a little awareness from the listener, the speaker's awareness, feelings, and the content of what they say also change.
As a result, the listener also gains positive feelings, which leads to listening with more interest and increases self-disclosure to continue the conversation with the other person.

When both parties can communicate while holding positive emotions, the relationship naturally deepens.right?

I want to always cherish this awareness, attitude, and behavior of respecting the other person.

How was it?

To create warm interactions with others and spend better time together, why not try keeping the points shared here in mind?

Wishing you a wonderful Golden Week!