The Most Important Thing Parents Should Do When Struggling to Choose a Cram School for Their Child, and the "Paradox of Choice"
When looking at educational accounts on social media or parenting communities, there are posts that I see almost every day that surprise me.
"With the new school term approaching and entrance exams ahead, please tell me which cram school is good."
"Which is better, Cram School A or Cram School B?"
As a parent myself, I truly understand the desperate feelings of parents who want to provide the best possible environment for their child's future.
However, every time I see such posts, I cannot shake a sense of "discomfort."
I encounter a lot of "discomfort" when looking at social media.
(I have accumulated 100 of these "discomforts" while writing them down.)
Before asking "recommended cram schools" to strangers you don't even know on social media, haven't parents skipped the most important process?
Are you asking the "child in front of you"? Are you?
I have also seen posts like this before.
"People won't tell strangers the 'really good things' in a place like this (social media)."
There were even people writing things like that 😅
◆ Are you proceeding with the assumption that a "cram school is a must"?
In the first place, should the first thing to discuss when choosing a cram school be a comparison of options like "which school to choose"?
・First of all, is there a real "need" for the child to go to a cram school?
・Is the "child themselves" saying they want to go to a cram school?
Originally, these two questions should be the starting point for everything. Leaving this aside,
"Please tell me which cram school is good."
"Which is better, Cram School A or Cram School B?"
"What is the reputation of Cram School C, which my child says they want to go to?"
and asking for opinions on social media is, to put it bluntly, a "foolish question."
Whether a cram school with a good reputation or spectacular admission results will suit your child is a completely different matter.
Also, there is a kind of "trick" to a cram school's admission results.
The opinions gathered on social media are nothing more than the success stories or subjective views of 'other people's children.' Even if you prepare the container while ignoring the child's personality, current academic ability, and above all, their "own will," you cannot expect educational results.
◆ The experience of "deciding for oneself" becomes the power to think of things as one's own
Why am I so particular about the child's will?
That is because unless it is a "cram school chosen and decided by the child themselves," it will not lead to true academic improvement.
A cram school that a child attends passively because they were told to by their parents often becomes "forced, boring time" for the child.
On the other hand, if it is a place they have chosen with conviction, saying "I want to go here, I want to do my best here," then a strong "sense of ownership" will sprout.
Because it is something they decided themselves, they can persevere even if the lessons are somewhat difficult. Even if there is a lot of homework, they will sit at their desk for the sake of their own goals.
A common concern for parents is
"My child started saying they want to quit cram school halfway through"
"I get frustrated because they don't study for cram school at all"
The majority of these problems are caused by the fact that the child did not have the right to decide at the initial stage.
In a state where they can make the excuse that "I am being made to attend because my parents told me to", they will easily break when they hit a wall. If it is a path they decided on themselves, parents will no longer need to lament from behind, telling them to "study."
◆What is the true role that parents should fulfill?
When choosing a cram school,the role parents should fulfill is not "information gathering and guidance."It is "creating an environment and dialogue" for the child to solidify their own will.
First, listen carefully to how the child feels about studying right now and what they want to become in the future. Then, if they have the will to go to a cram school, present several options, have them actually visit for trial lessons, and leave the final decision to the child themselves.
It would be counterproductive to be swayed by the information overflowing on social media and lose sight of your own child's footing.
You want to choose a"good cram school"from"many options."I understand how parents feel, but actually, please also know that
"the more options there are, the harder it is to choose."
The reason why having too many options makes it harder to choose
is due to increased brain burden and anxiety about "what if I make a mistake." In psychology, this is called the paradox of choice, or the
【Law of Decision Avoidance】. Specifically, the following three psychological factors are at work:
・Brain capacity overload
It exceeds the limit of information a human can process at once (the magical number), and the act of comparing and considering itself turns into fatigue and stress.
・Pressure to seek the "best"
The more options there are, the more you seek perfection, thinking "there must be something better," and you become unable to make a decision.
・Fear of regret
The anxiety about regret or failure, thinking "the other option I didn't choose might have been better," becomes greater, and you stop taking action.This phenomenon is also known as the
"Jam Rule", and it has been proven in an experiment where sales increased tenfold when the number of tasting options was reduced.
Before asking for opinions from strangers on the other side of your smartphone screen, why not try having a thorough conversation with the child sitting right in front of you?
All the answers are not on social media, but within the child themselves.
When your child becomes an adult, how do you want them to feel about having "done middle school entrance exams"?
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