The True Nature of the Impatience That Drives You to Try Harder

—Series on Making Yourself Happy Ver. 3—

In the previous article,

I unraveled the deep psychology behind
why I was attracted to business owners and wealthy men.

I wrote that deep down,
“I don't want to be looked down upon by others”
“I want to be respected as a person of value”
were the thoughts I held.

And looking even deeper,

what I was truly afraid of
was not just being looked down upon by others,

myselflooking down on
“someone of no consequence”
aslooking down on myself.

That is what I realized.

So, once I realized that, did the impatience disappear immediately?
The answer is no.

Even though I understood it in my head,

“I have to try harder”
“I’m not good enough as I am”
“I have to achieve more results”

these feelings kept coming up again and again.

This time, I will talk a little more deeply about the true nature of that impatience.

Impatience was not for the "future," but a "force that denies the present self"

I used to think that
trying harder
was to make the future better.


To grow more.
To become more prosperous.

Certainly, there is that aspect to it.

But when I looked closely at my inner self,

what was driving me
was not just the hope of
“I want to be like this.”

What was even stronger than that
was the
self-denialof “I am not good enough as I am now.”

It wasn't that I wanted to be more independent, but rather
I am no good because I am not independent.

It is not 'I want to be more beautiful,' but rather,
I am not attractive enough as I am now.

It is not 'I want to be loved more,' but rather,
I am not enough to be loved as I am now.

In other words, impatience,
while appearing to be a force that moves you forward toward the future,

is actually,
a force that drives your current self.

The reason 'more' never stops is because the goal keeps moving.

When you are working hard while feeling impatient,
you feel as if you will be at peace once you achieve something.

If my income increases.
If my work goes well.
If I am chosen by my ideal person.
If I become beautiful.

Then,
'I am okay as I am'
is what I feel I will be able to think.

However, in reality,
once you achieve one thing, you immediately see the next deficiency.

There is someone who earns more.
There is someone who looks happier.
There is someone who is loved more.
There is someone who is more attractive.

And then, once again,
'I am still not enough'
becomes the thought.

This is not painful because your goals are high.

'I have value if I have achieved something'
is the condition under which
you are trying to accept yourself.

As long as you determine your value based on conditions,
even if one condition is met, peace will not last long.

Because the standards for accepting yourself
will continue to rise one after another.

The reason you feel painful when comparing is not because the other person is amazing.

When impatience is strong, comparisons with others also increase.

Someone doing the same job is getting results.
People of the same age look happy.
Someone who started after you is moving ahead.

When you see such things,
even though you are just looking at the other person's success,
'Compared to them, I...'
is a phrase that immediately comes out.

The reason comparison is painful is not
because the other person is better than you.

It is because the moment you see them,
you begin to judge yourself.

"That person is doing it."
"I am not doing it."
"Therefore, I am no good."

In this way,
you use comparison to judge yourself.

It is not the other person's happiness that is painful,
but the fact that you use their happiness as material
to hurt yourself.

Impatience was born to protect you

Writing this far,
some may think, "I am no good for having a habit of blaming myself."

But neither impatience nor the heart that blames itself
was born from the beginningto make you suffer.

That impatience is

To avoid being looked down upon.
To avoid being left behind.
To be loved.
To avoid becoming someone without value.

something born from trying to protect yourself.

"If I try harder, it will be okay."
"If I become more attractive, I will be loved."
"If I achieve more results, I can feel at ease."

By thinking that way,
I believe you were trying to hold onto hope somehow.

Therefore,
you do not need to try to get rid of the impatient version of yourself.

First,
it is important to look at yourself and ask, "What am I so afraid of?"

Even now, comparisons still come to my mind.

Previously, when I compared myself and felt down,

"I have to try harder."
"I have to catch up quickly."
"I am no good like this."

I would drive myself even further.

Even though comparing yourself to others is making you suffer,
you try to work even harder to make that suffering go away.

But if the foundation of that effort is
“I am not good enough as I am”
—a form of self-denial—
no matter how hard you try, you will never truly find peace.

Once you achieve one thing, you move to the next.

Once you get one thing, you reach for the next.

This is because it becomes an endless chase.

However, lately, when the urge to compare arises,

before I try to force those feelings away
or immediately try to do more,
there is one thing I do.

Next time, I will talk about “The one thing I do when the urge to compare arises.”

Lately, when I feel the urge to compare,
before I try to force those feelings away
or immediately try to work even harder,
there is one thing I do.

Next time, I will talk about
“The one thing I do when the urge to compare arises.”
I hope you look forward to it.

For those who feel down after comparing themselves to others
or who find themselves driven by impatience,this is content I really want you to read.

Please look forward to it. Now,



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🖊 Author Profile

Megumi Takashima (Takamegu)
Coach specializing in love, marriage hunting, and partnerships
・16 years of experience as a psychological therapist
・After two divorces, married via a dating app in 2 months at age 57.

For women in their 30s to 50s,
I provide sessions to transform “relationships where you cannot be honest or lean on others” or “relationships where you end up enduring too much”
into a “relationship structure where you are loved and feel secure.”