People who make you feel tired when you are with them

I don't think it's that person's fault.

It's just that I notice it on the way home.

I am a little tired today.

The conversation was normal.

It's not like they said anything strange.

It's not like there was an unpleasant atmosphere.

And yet,

after I get home, I can't move for a little while.

I try to think of the reason.

But nothing clear comes to mind.

There is only one thing that comes to mind.

I had been keeping my guard up just a little bit the whole time.

Trying not to be disliked.

Trying not to be thought of as strange.

Trying not to ruin the mood.

That small tension,

keeps piling up.

While doing so,

even though the conversation continues,

somewhere in your heart, things are slowly hardening.

You are smiling.

You are nodding.

You are doing just fine.

And yet,

somewhere, your breathing is shallow.

A person who makes you tired is not necessarily a bad person.

In fact, they are often good people.

That is exactly why it is complicated.

The kinder you are, the more you worry about letting them down.

So, you are a little careful about how you laugh.

Not letting them down has somehow become your goal.

You are genuinely having fun in the moment.

You are laughing normally.

The conversation is flowing well, too.

Even so, somewhere along the way, you are slowly wearing yourself down.

When you are with someone who makes you feel tired,

you shift slightly into a shape that is not your own.

You always realize this on the way home.

On the train station platform, you suddenly become quiet.

I am just sitting blankly while being swayed by the train.

Even though everything was normal until just a moment ago,

the weight is starting to settle in now.

The difference is probably not due to any major event.

I think it is really just a small, unconscious drain.

It is the energy I was using just to be there.

That is what is slowly coming back to me now.

That is why I think,

people who make you tired are different from people you dislike.

In fact, more often than not, you don't even dislike them.

But, the version of myself that has returned feels a little distant.

It takes a little time to return to my true self.

I open the front door.

I take off my shoes and turn on the room lights.

Even though it is just that,

there is a brief pause.

During that time, I finally return.

The version of me that was outside until just now slowly comes back.

And I think,

Ah, I was a little worn down today.

..............................................................

This work is the second in the series.

First work: People who don't make you feel tired when you are with them

Work 3: People who make you forget yourself when you are with them

Work 4: Today's kindness arrives after things have quieted down.

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