Father's Notebook Episode 9

March 2009
I found this notebook for the first time in a while.
I haven't written in it for quite some time.

I thought I had kept it safe,
but Mom tidied it away without asking, so I didn't know where it had gone,
and I finally managed to find it after it had been left like that.

It brings back memories. I used to write in this at Motonoya.
It's been over ten years since I started writing in this notebook.
I actually intended to write much more, but

I'm sorry I could only write in it occasionally.

I desperately searched for this notebook today.
Do you know why?

The truth is, Shuta left for Tokyo today.

And suddenly, I remembered this notebook,
and it occurred to me to write in it again.

I actually intended to go see Shuta off with Mom today, but
I ended up scheduling work for that day after all.

People are strange creatures.
It's not easy to be honest with your feelings, is it?

The more important the moment, the more I neglect being there.

But, I am rooting for you every day.

Shuta, you ended up following the path of a craftsman just like your father, didn't you? Haha
A hairdresser is a craftsman, right?

Are you, Shuta, still working as a hairdresser as you look at this notebook?

It doesn't matter if you aren't.

As I said before, you decide your own way of life.

You should just have the courage to follow the path you believe is right.

That is what it means to live true to yourself.

It doesn't matter what others say.

Just try doing as you please, Shuta.

However, please take good care of your health.

If I keep getting sick like your father, I'll just be a burden.

I'll always be rooting for you.

Shuta, now that you're reading this note, are you able to cut hair like your father yet?
If you're still a hairdresser, I'd love for you to cut my hair whenever you can.
Could you get in touch with me?

It's embarrassing for me to be the one to reach out, you see.

Please contact me.

See you later.

From, Dad.

At home, after work

I woke up and immediately opened the note to read it.

It was written about the day I moved to Tokyo.
It's been six years, but I remember it vividly.

That day, it was raining, and Mom drove me to the station.
When we arrived, I was rather blunt,
"Well, I'm off,"
I said, and my quiet mother
just replied, "Take care."

After getting out of the car, I turned back once while heading toward the station entrance.

Mom had gotten out of the car and was waving at me, looking my way.

I didn't wave back.

But the moment I sat down in my train seat,
I remember feeling my mother's kindness.

Dad really wanted to see me off, too.

Perhaps,
the loneliness I felt before boarding the train to Tokyo,
now that I think about it, was partly because I was a little concerned about my father, with whom I barely had any conversation.

As I was thinking about that, the kids woke up.
Work starts today, and life as usual is waiting for me.

After spending a hectic morning with the kids,
and dropping them off at school, I put Dad's note in my bag,
and drove to work.

It's raining again today.

I thought about it while driving to work.

If my father were alive today, what would I do with him?
First, I'd like to invite him out for a meal and have a drink together.
Then, I'd like to ask him about his past, how he managed Motonoya when he first started it, and how to live life in my own way.
Also, I'd like to cut his hair for him.
He never once asked me himself, 'Come cut my hair,' but
I wonder if I could say it honestly now.

While I was thinking about such things, I arrived at work.

I caused trouble by taking sudden time off, but everyone at work welcomed me back kindly,
and they treated me without making me feel awkward in a good way, so I was able to work as usual.

At the end-of-shift meeting after closing,

I said,
'I'm sorry for the trouble I caused by taking sudden time off.
But thanks to all of you, I really enjoy working every single day.
Thank you so much.'
Everyone looked at me like, 'What's gotten into you all of a sudden?' haha.
They had that kind of look on their faces.

But this is fine.
I will continue to express my gratitude whenever I want to.

After finishing my day's work,
I thought about it while getting ready to leave the shop.

Conversations with customers were also as usual.
I felt like I had returned to a daily life that was exactly the same as before.
If I keep living like this,
will the sadness eventually disappear completely?

That won't happen.
Even if the pain fades,
regret will definitely remain.

But it's okay to accept that regret.
When you accept it, you start to understand what you need to do.

My father taught me that through his notes.

Be grateful for everything happening right now and walk your own path in life.
He taught me to live in my own way.

And my father never gave up.
No matter how many times he got sick, he worked hard for his family,
and even after Motonoya was gone, he didn't give up on having his own shop again and kept striving.
During that time, when I started playing youth baseball, he began working as a baseball umpire,
found something he loved that he could do for the rest of his life,
and ended his life on the field while doing what he wanted to do.

Everyone told me,
'That's a shame,' or 'It must have been hard because it was so sudden,'
but

when I think about it carefully,
it was the best way for my father to die.

After all, he ended his life while doing what he loved.

It's true that my father's sudden death caused trouble for many people around him, and he wasn't able to expand Motonoya.
He had to close his shop due to illness and couldn't open another one of his own again.

But my father found what he loved,
and he lived out his life doing what he loved until the very end.

No matter how much his sudden death caused trouble for those around him,
it doesn't matter to the person who actually died.
Isn't that the best way to live?

As I thought,
he is a father I can be proud of.

My father said,
"What is the first thing you should do right now after reading this note?"

I got into my car,
and drove toward my parents' house.