[About Mother | ep47] The day I finally conveyed the words from that time

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Five hours, including breaks.

We finally arrived at my uncle's house.

Greeting us were
my aunt and uncle who had rushed over from Kyushu, and my cousin I-chan.

My uncle was in the middle of taking a work call.



We were guided to the room where my aunt was laid to rest,
and I first thanked my aunt and uncle,
saying, "Thank you for letting us know."

I also spoke to I-chan,
saying, "It must have been hard with everything happening so suddenly."

Just then,
my uncle returned after finishing his call.



Behind my uncle,
as he began to quietly explain
the circumstances of my aunt's passing,

my mother, without joining the conversation,

placed the incense money by the bedside,
and without saying a word,
lifted the cloth covering my aunt's face.

Then, just like that,
she placed her hand on her cheek.

My younger sister,
without hesitation, followed suit.



My breath hitched.



Isn't it proper etiquette to first greet the family
and express condolences?



However,
because they were in the middle of talking to my uncle,
I couldn't interrupt,

and could only
take in the scene before me.



After listening to the story,

I handed my uncle
the incense money from my older sister and from my husband and me,
and offered my greetings properly.



The reason why I
absolutely had to come to see my aunt

was not just to thank her for coming to my father's funeral.

My uncle and aunt, who were more than ten years younger than my father,
were the younger brother and sister born after my grandfather remarried.

Perhaps because of that,
there was a certain distance between the siblings,

and from a young age, I
had sensed that atmosphere.



Every time the relatives gathered,
I would play the role of the "good child."

Even if I had received unreasonable violence from my father
the day before,
I would act as if nothing had happened,

smiling,
and playing the role of keeping the conversation going.



It was one day when I was in junior high school.

As I was making tea by myself,
my aunt quietly came up beside me.



"Softly, are you pushing yourself too hard?"



It was a small voice.

At that moment,
from the living room,

I could hear my parents' voices criticizing me,

saying, "She only looks good on the outside..."



My throat tightened.

But I
immediately put on my usual face,

and replied, "What do you mean? I'm fine."

My aunt



smiled a little sadly,
and said, "Okay. If anything happens, I'll listen to you."

Saying that,

she left the room as if nothing had happened.
It was the first time.



An adult who noticed

the me beneath the mask.
Those words



remained deep in my heart forever.

I gently removed the cloth covering my aunt,

placed my hands over hers,

and in a voice too quiet for anyone else to hear,
I spoke to her.



"Auntie.
I'm sorry I couldn't say it properly for so long.

The words from that time
remained with me like a charm.

That's why I was able to live until now.

I loved you so much, Auntie.

Thank you for noticing."

I wish I could have told her
while she was still alive.

Even so,

I felt a little saved
by being able to tell her like this.



As I wiped away my tears
and looked up,



my mother's figure

entered the corner of my vision.

Something
is happening again.

Only that premonition
quietly spread.

Thank you for reading this far.

In this space, I am gradually putting into words the events that have happened and my days with my children.

If you'd like—
there is also a self-introduction page detailing my background, and a page summarizing my articles so far.

▶ Nice to meet you (Self-introduction)

▶ Article List (Site Map)

I would be happy if you could read them at your own pace, starting with what resonates with your feelings at the time.