I loved her, but then came the sudden block. A 40-something's realization about the disconnect between men and women in love

My "love" was a currency that couldn't be used in her country.

I ordered just one drink at Snack Yuki today.
I went with Glen Moray 12 Year Old.

On the way back from our fifth date,
I waved at the ticket gate.
That was the last time.

Three days later, when I opened the app,
her page was gone.
She hadn't deleted her account.
I had been blocked.

What did I do to someone who had laughed with me through five dates?

I look at the Glen Moray in my glass.
It's a delicious whisky, but it stays silent.
It assumes that you'll understand without it having to say a word.

It was drinking the same way I did back then.

There was someone I was interested in.

We met on a matching app.
We went on about five dates.
I thought things were going well.

But,
suddenly, the communication stopped.

Because she was troubled,
I tried to solve her problems.

I also tried my hardest to keep in touch.

I was pouring my heart out to her.

And yet,

she told me, "You don't understand."

What more,
was I supposed to do?

Thinking that,
I was already trying to do something else.

Looking back,
I feel like we were out of sync from the very beginning.

I was drawn in by her appearance and vibe.

When I'm interested,
my feelings ignite immediately.

I fell for her looks rather than her personality.

But
she was likely
checking to see if I was someone she could trust.

Before falling in love,
I think she wanted to feel secure.

I wanted to feel secure because I was in love.
She wanted to feel secure before falling in love.

Our priorities were reversed.

Looking back now,
whenever I tried to close the distance right after meeting,
she would pull back slightly.

That wasn't her being cold;
it might have just been her gauging the distance between us.

Communication was the same way.

My messages were purely functional.

I thought that once the business was handled,
there was no need to reply.

I ended conversations with a simple "Understood."

But
to her, communication was
a thermometer for our relationship.

When the thermometer stopped moving,
I think she felt things had cooled off.

It was the same when she came to me with her worries. I tried to solve them immediately.

What she wanted
was not a solution.

"That must have been sad for you."

That one sentence was all she needed.

The most painful part was,

I was afraid of being rejected,
so I was slow to express my feelings.

I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be turned down,
so I wanted to close the distance before confessing.

But—

To her,
it looked like
I wasn't interested.

I was afraid of rejection.
She felt I had no interest.

Before I knew it,
communication had stopped.

I had been blocked.

For a while, I just stared at my phone.

One night, I talked to Mama about it.

I asked why, even though I was doing so much,
it didn't get through to her.

Mama paused for a moment,
then said rhythmically:

She smiled a little,
and turned her attention to the next customer.

That was all.

That one remark started to sink in after I got home.

Mama was right.
But in truth, there was one more thing.

It was easier to show it through actions.
If I put it into words, there would be no escape if I were rejected.
It wasn't that I didn't know how to love,
but that I kept choosing the way that wouldn't get me hurt.

It wasn't a matter of
the amount of affection.

It was just that
the way we expressed and received it was different.

You don't have to try to change everything,
I think.

Just one thing.

When the other person is talking,

before offering a solution,
try saying,
"That must have been tough."

That's all it takes.

What the other person is seeking
might not be a solution,

but just the feeling
of being understood.

Have you ever had
a night like this?

A night where, despite doing so much,
it didn't get through.

Perhaps, just that
will change something.

Perhaps, though.

I took another sip of Glen Moray.

Glen Moray is delicious, yet it stays silent.
It thinks it will be understood without saying a word.
It was drinking the same way I did back then.

We both felt the same "love."

But the meaning was different.

The glass is empty.
I'll stop here for today.

To those visiting Snack Yuki for the first time.
Who I am and why I am writing this essay.
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