The Real Meaning Behind Women Saying 'I'm Fine with Someone Average'

"I'm fine with an average guy."
This is something women always say, whether in matchmaking or on dating apps.
Men who feel relieved when they hear this are probably misunderstanding something.

I worked as a therapist for a women's sex work service for three years and interacted with over 1,000 women.
During sessions, I heard many honest thoughts that they wouldn't tell anyone else.
This time, I'm going to talk about why I, who am not "average" at all, have been popular with women.

This is a continuation of my previous writings: "The top 20% of men monopolize 80% of women" and "The reason you aren't popular is that you simply aren't putting in enough volume."

This time, it's about the word "average" that precedes all of that.
This is where most men get it wrong.

You're clean, kind, and have a job. Yet, you don't get any likes.

"I'm fine with an average guy."
This is a phrase women often use in matchmaking and on apps.
I'm sure you've heard it before.

When they hear this, many men feel relieved.
They think, 'I'm average, so I'll naturally end up with an average person.'

You're clean, kind, and have a decent job.
Yet, you don't get any likes.

Even if you make it to a date, there's never a second one.
Time just keeps passing while you don't know what you're missing.

"Average" is actually the most competitive category.

This isn't just your problem.

Research on online dating has revealed something interesting.

People only send likes to partners who are slightly above them.
As a result, popularity becomes concentrated among a select few (Bruch & Newman, 2019).

Furthermore, women look at annual income, height, and educational background all at once.
So, every time one more condition is added, the number of men who fit the criteria decreases rapidly (Hitsch et al., 2010).

This is especially pronounced in the initial likes on apps.

Here, I will list the components of what women mean by "average."

Each one is certainly "average" on its own.

A woman once said this:
"Even if each point is average, someone who meets all those conditions is already high-spec."

"Average" is not an addition problem.

The 'average' in 'average is fine' is not an addition, but a multiplication.

Men with an annual income of 4 million yen or more make up about half.
Of those, 60% are 170cm or taller.
Furthermore, 40% are university graduates.
80% are full-time employees.
70% do not smoke.
70% are not overweight.

When you multiply all of these together, only about 10% remain.

If you add just one more condition, that number drops even further.

These numbers are just rough estimates.
Even so, the point remains the same.

Men who can meet all these 'average' criteria are that rare.

Why does 'average' end up in the top 20%?

Women do not choose men based on a total score.

They think, 'If he lacks cleanliness, it's a no,' or 'If our values don't align, he's rejected.'
This is how they add conditions one by one.
In psychology, this is called the conjunction rule (Gigerenzer, 1999).
It is a way of selecting where only those who meet every single criterion remain.

Therefore, a man with a 70-point score and no flaws will remain over a man with an 80-point total score who has even one deal-breaking flaw.

Even if each condition is at the median (top 50%), if you stack five of them, only a few percent remain.
In other words, 'average' refers to someone who has passed through every single filter.

This is not women having high standards

It is easy to criticize women here by saying they have high standards.
But that is not the case.

No one is raising their standards out of malice.
The moment you say 'average,' the conditions in your head are automatically multiplied.

And this applies to you as well.
If you think, 'I'm fine with a woman who is normally cute, kind, and easy to talk to,' that 'average' is also in the top 20%.

It is not having high standards.
As soon as the word 'average' is spoken, both men and women enter a highly competitive zone of their own making.

Stop aiming for 'average'

So, what should you do?

You should stop trying to be above average in every single condition.

Trying to pass the filter for every single item makes it the toughest battle possible.
The thing to do is actually the opposite.

Specialize in one strength and approach only those who appreciate it.

People who like your face, people who are weak to kindness, people who are happy if you can talk well, people who feel calm when they are with you.
What people value differs from person to person.
You don't need to satisfy all of them.

Looks and annual income are just one of many charms.
Kindness, being a good listener, and being interesting are just as valuable.
Don't try to win on everything; just find someone you can win with on one thing.

However, the minimum line is different.

There is one exception.
Cleanliness.

Nose hair, long nails, bad breath, worn-out clothes.
These are universally disliked by anyone.
This is the minimum line that everyone must maintain.

Regarding cleanliness, I have explained it in this article, so please read it when you have time.

It's not about 'throwing everything away and sharpening only one point.'
After preparing the minimum requirements, sharpen one thing.
Cleanliness is for eliminating point deductions, and strengths are for gaining points.
You must understand that their roles are different.

The reason why I, who don't meet any of the conditions, have been chosen.

I'll be honest.
I hardly meet any of the 'average' conditions I listed earlier.

My height is 165cm.
My income is not stable, and I am not a full-time employee.
I also smoke.
By the way, about 40% of therapists are smokers.

Anyway, I don't fit into any of the 'average' categories that society talks about.
Even so, I have been chosen while interacting with many women.
That's because I don't compete based on conditions.

Conditions are just a cutoff line.
If I tried to win on all of them, I would be eliminated first.
That's why I stopped fighting based on conditions.

There are people who dislike smoking.
But there are also people who don't care.

Some people look at income, while others only look at whether it's fun to be together.
Whether a flaw becomes a flaw is decided by the other person.

The reason you aren't chosen is not because you have no value.
It's because you are fighting with the most difficult condition called 'average'.

Stop trying to make everything above average, and go deliver your greatest strength to the person who thinks it's good.

If you do that, you won't be one of the people aiming for the 'top 20% average,' but you will become the number one for that person.

And to find that person, you need a certain amount of numbers.
If you don't move, you will never find that person in your life.

I think the following content will also be very helpful, so please read it.

▽ For those who want to know more about what women really think

・Women are not looking for 'correctness'
The more a man insists on being right, the more he is disliked.
You should understand what women truly want.

・The reason why that 'cute' feels creepy
Even with the same word 'cute,' there are times it makes you happy and times it feels creepy.
If you don't understand the difference, you will continue to be seen as creepy.

Thank you for reading until the end.
If you found this helpful, I would be happy if you could press the Like (❤️) button.
Even those without a note account can press it, so please do.
It encourages me to write the next article.

If you follow me, I can regularly deliver advice on being popular based on women's true feelings. If you have any worries, send me a DM.

Sakura | Translator of Female Psychology